1100 buckets of bits on the bus 2100 buckets of bits 3Take one down, short it to ground 4FF buckets of bits on the bus 5 6FF buckets of bits on the bus 7FF buckets of bits 8Take one down, short it to ground 9FE buckets of bits on the bus 10 11ad infinitum... 12% 1399 blocks of crud on the disk, 1499 blocks of crud! 15You patch a bug, and dump it again: 16100 blocks of crud on the disk! 17 18100 blocks of crud on the disk, 19100 blocks of crud! 20You patch a bug, and dump it again: 21101 blocks of crud on the disk! ... 22% 23A bit of talcum 24Is always walcum 25 -- Ogden Nash 26% 27A box without hinges, key, or lid, 28Yet golden treasure inside is hid. 29 -- J.R.R. Tolkien 30% 31A bunch of the boys were whooping it in the Malemute saloon; 32The kid that handles the music box was hitting a jag-time tune; 33Back of the bar, in a solo game, sat Dangerous Dan McGrew, 34And watching his luck was his light-o'-love, the lady that's known as Lou. 35 -- Robert W. Service 36% 37A cousin of mine once said about money, 38money is always there but the pockets change; 39it is not in the same pockets after a change, 40and that is all there is to say about money. 41 -- Gertrude Stein 42% 43A Elbereth Gilthoniel, 44silivren penna m'íiriel 45o menel aglar elenath! 46Na chaered palan-d'íiriel 47o galadhremmin ennorath, 48Fanuilos, le linnathon 49nef aear, s'íi nef aearon! 50 -- J. R. R. Tolkien 51% 52A fitter fits; Though sinners sin 53A cutter cuts; And thinners thin 54And an aircraft spotter spots; And paper-blotters blot 55A baby-sitter I've never yet 56Baby-sits -- Had letters let 57But an otter never ots. Or seen an otter ot. 58 59A batter bats 60(Or scatters scats); 61A potting shed's for potting; 62But no one's found 63A bounder bound 64Or caught an otter otting. 65 -- Ralph Lewin 66% 67A is for awk, which runs like a snail, and 68B is for biff, which reads all your mail. 69C is for cc, as hackers recall, while 70D is for dd, the command that does all. 71E is for emacs, which rebinds your keys, and 72F is for fsck, which rebuilds your trees. 73G is for grep, a clever detective, while 74H is for halt, which may seem defective. 75I is for indent, which rarely amuses, and 76J is for join, which nobody uses. 77K is for kill, which makes you the boss, while 78L is for lex, which is missing from DOS. 79M is for more, from which less was begot, and 80N is for nice, which it really is not. 81O is for od, which prints out things nice, while 82P is for passwd, which reads in strings twice. 83Q is for quota, a Berkeley-type fable, and 84R is for ranlib, for sorting ar table. 85S is for spell, which attempts to belittle, while 86T is for true, which does very little. 87U is for uniq, which is used after sort, and 88V is for vi, which is hard to abort. 89W is for whoami, which tells you your name, while 90X is, well, X, of dubious fame. 91Y is for yes, which makes an impression, and 92Z is for zcat, which handles compression. 93 -- THE ABC'S OF UNIX 94% 95A lady with one of her ears applied 96To an open keyhole heard, inside, 97Two female gossips in converse free -- 98The subject engaging them was she. 99"I think", said one, "and my husband thinks 100That she's a prying, inquisitive minx!" 101As soon as no more of it she could hear 102The lady, indignant, removed her ear. 103"I will not stay," she said with a pout, 104"To hear my character lied about!" 105 -- Gopete Sherany 106% 107A little word of doubtful number, 108A foe to rest and peaceful slumber. 109If you add an "s" to this, 110Great is the metamorphosis. 111Plural is plural now no more, 112And sweet what bitter was before. 113What am I? 114% 115A man is like a rusty wheel on a rusty cart, 116He sings his song as he rattles along and then he falls apart. 117 -- Richard Thompson 118% 119A man of genius makes no mistakes. 120His errors are volitional and are the portals of discovery. 121 -- James Joyce, "Ulysses" 122% 123A man who fishes for marlin in ponds 124will put his money in Etruscan bonds. 125% 126A mighty creature is the germ, 127Though smaller than the pachyderm. 128His customary dwelling place 129Is deep within the human race. 130His childish pride he often pleases 131By giving people strange diseases. 132Do you, my poppet, feel infirm? 133You probably contain a germ. 134 -- Ogden Nash 135% 136A pig is a jolly companion, 137Boar, sow, barrow, or gilt -- 138A pig is a pal, who'll boost your morale, 139Though mountains may topple and tilt. 140When they've blackballed, bamboozled, and burned you, 141When they've turned on you, Tory and Whig, 142Though you may be thrown over by Tabby and Rover, 143You'll never go wrong with a pig, a pig, 144You'll never go wrong with a pig! 145 -- Thomas Pynchon, "Gravity's Rainbow" 146% 147A robin redbreast in a cage 148Puts all Heaven in a rage. 149 -- Blake 150% 151A salamander scurries into flame to be destroyed. 152Imaginary creatures are trapped in birth on celluloid. 153 -- Genesis, "The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway" 154 155I don't know what it's about. I'm just the drummer. Ask Peter. 156 -- Phil Collins in 1975, when asked about the message behind 157 the previous year's Genesis release, "The Lamb Lies Down 158 on Broadway". 159% 160A single flow'r he sent me, since we met. 161All tenderly his messenger he chose; 162Deep-hearted, pure, with scented dew still wet-- 163One perfect rose. 164 165I knew the language of the floweret; 166"My fragile leaves," it said, "his heart enclose." 167Love long has taken for his amulet 168One perfect rose. 169 170Why is it no one ever sent me yet 171One perfect limousine, do you suppose? 172Ah no, it's always just my luck to get 173One perfect rose. 174 -- Dorothy Parker, "One Perfect Rose" 175% 176A truth that's told with bad intent 177Beats all the lies you can invent. 178 -- William Blake 179% 180A-Z affectionately, 1811 to 10 alphabetically, 182from here to eternity without in betweens, 183still looking for a custom fit in an off-the-rack world, 184sales talk from sales assistants 185 when all i want to do is lower your resistance, 186no rhythm in cymbals no tempo in drums, 187love's on arrival, 188she comes when she comes, 189right on the target but wide of the mark... 190% 191Abou Ben Adhem (may his tribe increase!) 192Awoke one night from a deep dream of peace, 193And saw, within the moonlight in his room, 194Making it rich, and like a lily in bloom, 195An angel writing in a book of gold. 196Exceeding peace had made Ben Adhem bold, 197And to the presence in the room he said, 198"What writest thou?" The vision raised its head, 199And with a look made of all sweet accord, 200Answered, "The names of those who love the Lord." 201"And is mine one?" said Abou. "Nay not so," 202Replied the angel. Abou spoke more low, 203But cheerly still; and said, "I pray thee then, 204Write me as one that loves his fellow-men." 205The angel wrote, and vanished. The next night 206It came again with a great wakening light, 207And showed the names whom love of God had blessed, 208And lo! Ben Adhem's name led all the rest. 209 -- James Henry Leigh Hunt, "Abou Ben Adhem" 210% 211After a while you learn the subtle difference 212Between holding a hand and chaining a soul, 213And you learn that love doesn't mean security, 214And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts 215And presents aren't promises 216And you begin to accept your defeats 217With your head up and your eyes open, 218With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child, 219And you learn to build all your roads 220On today because tomorrow's ground 221Is too uncertain. And futures have 222A way of falling down in midflight, 223After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. 224So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting 225For someone to bring you flowers. 226And you learn that you really can endure... 227That you really are strong, 228And you really do have worth 229And you learn and learn 230With every goodbye you learn. 231 -- Veronic Shoffstall, "Comes the Dawn" 232% 233After all my erstwhile dear, 234My no longer cherished, 235Need we say it was not love, 236Just because it perished? 237 -- Edna St. Vincent Millay 238% 239Again she fled, but swift he came. 240Tin'uviel! Tin'uviel! 241He called her by her elvish name; 242And there she halted listening. 243One moment stood she, and a spell 244His voice laid on her: Beren came 245And doom fell on Tin'uviel 246That in his arms lay glistening. 247 248As Beren looked into her eyes 249Within the shadows of her hair, 250The trembling starlight of the skies 251He saw there mirrored shimmering. 252Tin'uviel the elven-fair, 253Immortal maiden elven-wise, 254About him cast her shadowy hair 255And arms like silver glimmering. 256 257Long was the way that fate them bore, 258O'er stony mountains cold and grey, 259Through halls of iron and darkling door, 260And woods of nightshade morrowless. 261The Sundering Seas between them lay, 262And yet at last they met once more, 263And long ago they passed away 264In the forest singing sorrowless. 265 -- J. R. R. Tolkien 266% 267 Against Idleness and Mischief 268 269How doth the little busy bee How skillfully she builds her cell! 270Improve each shining hour, How neat she spreads the wax! 271And gather honey all the day And labours hard to store it well 272From every opening flower! With the sweet food she makes. 273 274In works of labour or of skill In books, or work, or healthful play, 275I would be busy too; Let my first years be passed, 276For Satan finds some mischief still That I may give for every day 277For idle hands to do. Some good account at last. 278 -- Isaac Watts, 1674-1748 279% 280Ah, but a man's grasp should exceed his reach, 281Or what's a heaven for ? 282 -- Robert Browning, "Andrea del Sarto" 283% 284Ah, but the choice of dreams to live, 285there's the rub. 286 287For all dreams are not equal, 288some exit to nightmare 289most end with the dreamer 290 291But at least one must be lived ... and died. 292% 293Ah, my friends, from the prison, they ask unto me, 294"How good, how good does it feel to be free?" 295And I answer them most mysteriously: 296"Are birds free from the chains of the sky-way?" 297 -- Bob Dylan 298% 299Aleph-null bottles of beer on the wall, 300Aleph-null bottles of beer, 301You take one down, and pass it around, 302Aleph-null bottles of beer on the wall. 303% 304Alive without breath, 305As cold as death; 306Never thirsty, ever drinking, 307All in mail ever clinking. 308% 309All I need to have a good time, 310Is a reefer, a woman and a bottle of wine. 311With those three things I don't need no sunshine, 312A reefer, a woman and a bottle of wine. 313 314All I want is to never grow old, 315I want to wash in a bathtub of gold. 316I want 97 kilos already rolled, 317I want to wash in a bathtub of gold. 318 319I want to light my cigars with 10 dollar bills, 320I like to have a cattle ranch in Beverly Hills. 321I want a bottle of Red Eye that's always filled, 322I like to have a cattle ranch in Beverly Hills. 323 -- Country Joe and the Fish, "Zachariah" 324% 325All my friends are getting married, 326Yes, they're all growing old, 327They're all staying home on the weekend, 328They're all doing what they're told. 329% 330All that is gold does not glitter, 331Not all those who wander are lost; 332The old that is strong does not wither, 333Deep roots are not reached by the frost. 334From the ashes a fire shall be woken, 335A light from the shadows shall spring; 336Renewed shall be blade that was broken, 337The crownless again shall be king. 338 -- J.R.R. Tolkien 339% 340 All that you touch, And all you create, 341 All that you see, And all you destroy, 342 All that you taste, All that you do, 343 All you feel, And all you say, 344 And all that you love, All that you eat, 345 And all that you hate, And everyone you meet, 346 All you distrust, All that you slight, 347 All you save, And everyone you fight, 348 And all that you give, And all that is now, 349 And all that you deal, And all that is gone, 350 All that you buy, And all that's to come, 351 Beg, borrow or steal, And everything under the sun is 352 in tune, 353 But the sun is eclipsed 354 By the moon. 355 356There is no dark side of the moon... really... matter of fact it's all dark. 357 -- Pink Floyd, "Dark Side of the Moon" 358% 359All the lines have been written There's been Sandburg, 360It's sad but it's true Keats, Poe and McKuen 361With all the words gone, They all had their day 362What's a young poet to do? And knew what they're doin' 363 364But of all the words written The bird is a strange one, 365And all the lines read, So small and so tender 366There's one I like most, Its breed still unknown, 367And by a bird it was said! Not to mention its gender. 368 369It reminds me of days of So what is this line 370Both gloom and of light. Whose author's unknown 371It still lifts my spirits And still makes me giggle 372And starts the day right. Even now that I'm grown? 373 374I've read all the greats 375Both starving and fat, 376But none was as great as 377"I tot I taw a puddy tat." 378 -- Etta Stallings, "An Ode To Childhood" 379% 380All the world's a VAX, 381And all the coders merely butchers; 382They have their exits and their entrails; 383And one int in his time plays many widths, 384His sizeof being N bytes. At first the infant, 385Mewling and puking in the Regent's arms. 386And then the whining schoolboy, with his Sun, 387And shining morning face, creeping like slug 388Unwillingly to school. 389 -- A Very Annoyed PDP-11 390% 391All who joy would win Must share it -- 392Happiness was born a twin. 393 -- Lord Byron 394% 395An eye in a blue face 396Saw an eye in a green face. 397"That eye is like this eye" 398Said the first eye, 399"But in low place, 400Not in high place." 401% 402An Hacker there was, one of the finest sort 403Who controlled the system; graphics was his sport. 404A manly man, to be a wizard able; 405Many a protected file he had sitting on his table. 406His console, when he typed, a man might hear 407Clicking and feeping wind as clear, 408Aye, and as loud as does the machine room bell 409Where my lord Hacker was Prior of the cell. 410The Rule of good St Savage or St Doeppnor 411As old and strict he tended to ignore; 412He let go by the things of yesterday 413And took the modern world's more spacious way. 414He did not rate that text as a plucked hen 415Which says that Hackers are not holy men. 416And that a hacker underworked is a mere 417Fish out of water, flapping on the pier. 418That is to say, a hacker out of his cloister. 419That was a text he held not worth an oyster. 420And I agreed and said his views were sound; 421Was he to study till his head wend round 422Poring over books in the cloisters? Must he toil 423As Andy bade and till the very soil? 424Was he to leave the world upon the shelf? 425Let Andy have his labor to himself! 426 -- Chaucer 427 [well, almost. Ed.] 428% 429And all that the Lorax left here in this mess 430was a small pile of rocks with the one word, "unless." 431Whatever THAT meant, well, I just couldn't guess. 432That was long, long ago, and each day since that day, 433I've worried and worried and worried away. 434Through the years as my buildings have fallen apart, 435I've worried about it with all of my heart. 436 437"BUT," says the Oncler, "now that you're here, 438the word of the Lorax seems perfectly clear! 439UNLESS someone like you cares a whole awful lot, 440nothing is going to get better - it's not. 441So... CATCH!" cries the Oncler. He lets something fall. 442"It's a truffula seed. It's the last one of all! 443 444"You're in charge of the last of the truffula seeds. 445And truffula trees are what everyone needs. 446Plant a new truffula -- treat it with care. 447Give it clean water and feed it fresh air. 448Grow a forest -- protect it from axes that hack. 449Then the Lorax and all of his friends may come back!" 450% 451And as we stand on the edge of darkness 452Let our chant fill the void 453That others may know 454 455 In the land of the night 456 The ship of the sun 457 Is drawn by 458 The grateful dead. 459 -- Tibetan "Book of the Dead," ca. 4000 BC. 460% 461And did those feet, in ancient times, 462Walk upon England's mountains green? 463And was the Holy Lamb of God 464In England's pleasant pastures seen? 465And did the Countenance Divine 466Shine forth upon these crowded hills? 467And was Jerusalem builded here 468Among these dark satanic mills? 469 470Bring me my bow of burning gold! 471Bring me my arrows of desire! 472Bring me my spears! O clouds unfold! 473Bring me my chariot of fire! 474I shall not cease from mental fight, 475Nor shall my sword rest in my hand, 476Till we have built Jerusalem 477In England's green and pleasant land. 478 -- William Blake, "Jerusalem" 479% 480And here I wait so patiently 481Waiting to find out what price 482You have to pay to get out of 483Going thru all of these things twice 484 -- Dylan, "Memphis Blues Again" 485% 486And I heard Jeff exclaim, 487As they strolled out of sight, 488"Merry Christmas to all -- 489You take credit cards, right?" 490 -- "Outsiders" comic 491% 492And if California slides into the ocean, 493Like the mystics and statistics say it will. 494I predict this motel will be standing, 495Until I've paid my bill. 496 -- Warren Zevon, "Desperados Under the Eaves" 497% 498And if sometime, somewhere, someone asketh thee, 499"Who kilt thee?", tell them it 'twas the Doones of Bagworthy! 500% 501And if you wonder, 502What I am doing, 503As I am heading for the sink. 504I am spitting out all the bitterness, 505Along with half of my last drink. 506% 507And in the heartbreak years that lie ahead, 508Be true to yourself and the Grateful Dead. 509 -- Joan Baez 510% 511And miles to go before I sleep. 512 -- Robert Frost 513% 514And now your toner's toney, Disk blocks aplenty 515And your paper near pure white, Await your laser drawn lines, 516The smudges on your soul are gone Your intricate fonts, 517And your output's clean as light.. Your pictures and signs. 518 519We've labored with your father, Your amputative absence 520The venerable XGP, Has made the Ten dumb, 521But his slow artistic hand, Without you, Dover, 522Lacks your clean velocity. We're system untounged- 523 524Theses and papers DRAW Plots and TEXage 525And code in a queue Have been biding their time, 526Dover, oh Dover, With LISP code and programs, 527We've been waiting for you. And this crufty rhyme. 528 529Dover, oh Dover, Dover, oh Dover, arisen from dead. 530We welcome you back, Dover, oh Dover, awoken from bed. 531Though still you may jam, Dover, oh Dover, welcome back to the Lab. 532You're on the right track. Dover, oh Dover, we've missed your clean 533 hand... 534% 535...and report cards I was always afraid to show 536Mama'd come to school 537and as I'd sit there softly cryin' 538Teacher'd say he's just not tryin' 539Got a good head if he'd apply it 540but you know yourself 541it's always somewhere else 542I'd build me a castle 543with dragons and kings 544and I'd ride off with them 545As I stood by my window 546and looked out on those 547Brooklyn roads 548 -- Neil Diamond, "Brooklyn Roads" 549% 550And so it was, later, 551As the miller told his tale, 552That her face, at first just ghostly, 553Turned a whiter shade of pale. 554 -- Procol Harum 555% 556And the silence came surging softly backwards 557When the plunging hooves were gone... 558 -- Walter de La Mare, "The Listeners" 559% 560And this is good old Boston, 561The home of the bean and the cod, 562Where the Lowells talk only to Cabots, 563And the Cabots talk only to God. 564% 565And we heard him exclaim 566As he started to roam: 567"I'm a hologram, kids, 568please don't try this at home!'" 569 -- Bob Violence 570% 571And... What in the world ever became of Sweet Jane? 572 She's lost her sparkle, you see she isn't the same. 573 Livin' on reds, vitamin C, and cocaine 574 All a friend can say is "Ain't it a shame?" 575 -- The Grateful Dead 576% 577Angels we have heard on High 578Tell us to go out and Buy. 579 -- Tom Lehrer 580% 581Antonio Antonio 582Was tired of living alonio 583He thought he would woo Antonio Antonio 584Miss Lucamy Lu, Rode of on his polo ponio 585Miss Lucamy Lucy Molonio. And found the maid 586 In a bowery shade, 587 Sitting and knitting alonio. 588Antonio Antonio 589Said if you will be my ownio 590I'll love tou true Oh nonio Antonio 591And buy for you You're far too bleak and bonio 592An icery creamry conio. And all that I wish 593 You singular fish 594 Is that you will quickly begonio. 595Antonio Antonio 596Uttered a dismal moanio 597And went off and hid 598Or I'm told that he did 599In the Antartical Zonio. 600% 601April is the cruellest month... 602 -- Thomas Stearns Eliot 603% 604Are there those in the land of the brave 605Who can tell me how I should behave 606 When I am disgraced 607 Because I erased 608 A file I intended to save? 609% 610As for the women, though we scorn and flout 'em, 611We may live with, but cannot live without 'em. 612 -- Frederic Reynolds 613% 614As I was going up Punch Card Hill, 615 Feeling worse and worser, 616There I met a C.R.T. 617 And it drop't me a cursor. 618 619C.R.T., C.R.T., 620 Phosphors light on you! 621If I had fifty hours a day 622 I'd spend them all at you. 623 -- Uncle Colonel's Cursory Rhymes 624% 625As I was passing Project MAC, 626I met a Quux with seven hacks. 627Every hack had seven bugs; 628Every bug had seven manifestations; 629Every manifestation had seven symptoms. 630Symptoms, manifestations, bugs, and hacks, 631How many losses at Project MAC? 632% 633As I was walking down the street one dark and dreary day, 634I came upon a billboard and much to my dismay, 635The words were torn and tattered, 636From the storm the night before, 637The wind and rain had done its work and this is how it goes, 638 639Smoke Coca-Cola cigarettes, chew Wrigleys Spearmint beer, 640Ken-L-Ration dog food makes your complexion clear, 641Simonize your baby in a Hershey candy bar, 642And Texaco's a beauty cream that's used by every star. 643 644Take your next vacation in a brand new Frigedaire, 645Learn to play the piano in your winter underwear, 646Doctors say that babies should smoke until they're three, 647And people over sixty-five should bathe in Lipton tea. 648% 649As me an' me marrer was readin' a tyape, 650The tyape gave a shriek mark an' tried tae escyape; 651It skipped ower the gyate tae the end of the field, 652An' jigged oot the room wi' a spool an' a reel! 653Follow the leader, Johnny me laddie, 654Follow it through, me canny lad O; 655Follow the transport, Johnny me laddie, 656Away, lad, lie away, canny lad O! 657 -- S. Kelly-Bootle, "The Devil's DP Dictionary" 658% 659As some day it may happen that a victim must be found 660I've got a little list -- I've got a little list 661Of society offenders who might well be underground 662And who never would be missed -- who never would be missed. 663 -- Koko, "The Mikado" 664% 665At times discretion should be thrown aside, 666and with the foolish we should play the fool. 667 -- Menander 668% 669Avoid Quiet and Placid persons unless you are in Need of Sleep. 670 -- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata" 671% 672Azh nazg durbatal^uk, azh nazg gimbatul, 673Azh nazg thrakatal^uk agh burzum ishi krimpatul! 674 -- J. R. R. Tolkien 675% 676Be assured that a walk through the ocean of most Souls would scarcely 677get your Feet wet. Fall not in Love, therefore: it will stick to your face. 678 -- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata" 679% 680Be valiant, but not too venturous. 681Let thy attire be comely, but not costly. 682 -- John Lyly 683% 684Beauty is truth, truth beauty, that is all 685Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know. 686 -- John Keats 687% 688Because I do, 689Because I do not hope, 690Because I do not hope to survive 691Injustice from the Palace, death from the air, 692Because I do, only do, 693I continue... 694 -- T.S. Pynchon 695% 696Beneath this stone lies Murphy, 697They buried him today, 698He lived the life of Riley, 699While Riley was away. 700% 701 better !pout !cry 702 better watchout 703 lpr why 704 santa claus < north pole > town 705 706 cat /etc/passwd > list 707 ncheck list 708 ncheck list 709 cat list | grep naughty > nogiftlist 710 cat list | grep nice > giftlist 711 santa claus < north pole > town 712 713 who | grep sleeping 714 who | grep awake 715 who | grep bad || good 716 for (goodness sake) { 717 be good 718 } 719% 720Between the idea 721And the reality 722Between the motion 723And the act 724Falls the Shadow 725 -- T.S. Eliot, "The Hollow Man" 726 727 [Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when 728 referring to system service dispatching.] 729% 730Big M, Little M, many mumbling mice 731Are making midnight music in the moonlight, 732Mighty nice! 733% 734Bit off more than my mind could chew, 735Shower or suicide, what do I do? 736 -- Julie Brown, "Will I Make it Through the Eighties?" 737% 738Black shiny mollies and bright colored guppies, 739Shy little angels as gentle as puppies, 740Swimming and diving with scarcely a swish, 741They were just some of my tropical fish. 742 743Then I got mantas that sting in the water, 744Deadly piranhas that itch for a slaughter, 745Savage male betas that bite with a squish, 746Now I have many less tropical fish. 747 748 If you think that 749 Fish are peaceful 750 That's an empty wish. 751 Just dump them together 752 And leave them alone, 753 And soon you will have -- no fish. 754 -- To My Favorite Things 755% 756Blackout, heatwave, .44 caliber homicide, 757The bums drop dead and the dogs go mad in packs on the West Side, 758A young girl standing on a ledge, looks like another suicide, 759She wants to hit those bricks, 760 'cause the news at six got to stick to a deadline, 761While the millionaires hide in Beekman place, 762The bag ladies throw their bones in my face, 763I get attacked by a kid with stereo sound, 764I don't want to hear it but he won't turn it down... 765 -- Billy Joel, "Glass Houses" 766% 767Boy, get your head out of the stars above, 768You get the maximum pleasure from a minimum of love. 769Save your heart and let your body be enough, 770To get the maximum pleasure from a minimum of love. 771Save your heart and let your body be enough, 772And get the maximum pleasure from a minimum of love. 773 -- Mac Macinelli, "Minimum Love" 774% 775Breathe deep the gathering gloom. 776Watch lights fade from every room. 777Bed-sitter people look back and lament; 778another day's useless energies spent. 779 780Impassioned lovers wrestle as one. 781Lonely man cries for love and has none. 782New mother picks up and suckles her son. 783Senior citizens wish they were young. 784 785Cold-hearted orb that rules the night; 786Removes the colors from our sight. 787Red is grey and yellow white. 788But we decide which is real, and which is an illusion." 789 -- The Moody Blues, "Days of Future Passed" 790% 791Brillineggiava, ed i tovoli slati 792 girlavano ghimbanti nella vaba; 793i borogovi eran tutti mimanti 794 e la moma radeva fuorigraba. 795 796"Figliuolo mio, sta' attento al Gibrovacco, 797 dagli artigli e dal morso lacerante; 798fuggi l'uccello Giuggiolo, e nel sacco 799 metti infine il frumioso Bandifante". 800 -- Lewis Carroll, "Jabberwocky" 801% 802But has any little atom, 803 While a-sittin' and a-splittin', 804Ever stopped to think or CARE 805 That E = m c**2 ? 806% 807But I was there and I saw what you did, 808I saw it with my own two eyes. 809So you can wipe off that grin; 810I know where you've been-- 811It's all been a pack of lies! 812% 813But scientists, who ought to know 814Assure us that it must be so. 815Oh, let us never, never doubt 816What nobody is sure about. 817 -- Hilaire Belloc 818% 819But soft you, the fair Ophelia: 820Ope not thy ponderous and marble jaws, 821But get thee to a nunnery -- go! 822 -- Mark "The Bard" Twain 823% 824But, Mousie, thou art no thy lane, 825In proving foresight may be vain: 826The best laid schemes o' mice an' men 827Gang aft a-gley, 828An' lea'e us nought but grief and pain 829For promised joy. 830 -- Robert Burns, "To a Mouse", 1785 831% 832Buzz off, Banana Nose; Relieve mine eyes 833Of hateful soreness, purge mine ears of corn; 834Less dear than army ants in apple pies 835Art thou, old prune-face, with thy chestnuts worn, 836Dropt from thy peeling lips like lousy fruit; 837Like honeybees upon the perfum'd rose 838They suck, and like the double-breasted suit 839Are out of date; therefore, Banana Nose, 840Go fly a kite, thy welcome's overstayed; 841And stem the produce of thy waspish wits: 842Thy logick, like thy locks, is disarrayed; 843Thy cheer, like thy complexion, is the pits. 844Be off, I say; go bug somebody new, 845Scram, beat it, get thee hence, and nuts to you. 846% 847By the time you swear you're his, 848shivering and sighing 849and he vows his passion is 850infinite, undying -- 851Lady, make a note of this: 852One of you is lying. 853 -- Dorothy Parker, "Unfortunate Coincidence" 854% 855By the yard, life is hard. 856By the inch, it's a cinch. 857% 858Calm down, it's only ones and zeroes, 859Calm down, it's only bits and bytes, 860Calm down, and speak to me in English, 861Please realize that I'm not one of your computerites. 862% 863Cancel me not -- for what then shall remain? 864Abscissas, some mantissas, modules, modes, 865A root or two, a torus and a node: 866The inverse of my verse, a null domain. 867 -- Stanislaw Lem, "Cyberiad" 868% 869Candy 870Is dandy 871But liquor 872Is quicker. 873 -- Ogden Nash, "Reflections on Ice-Breaking" 874% 875Catch a wave and you're sitting on top of the world. 876 -- The Beach Boys 877% 878Cecil, you're my final hope 879Of finding out the true Straight Dope 880For I have been reading of Schrodinger's cat 881But none of my cats are at all like that. 882This unusual animal (so it is said) 883Is simultaneously alive and dead! 884What I don't understand is just why he 885Can't be one or the other, unquestionably. 886My future now hangs in between eigenstates. 887In one I'm enlightened, in the other I ain't. 888If *you* understand, Cecil, then show me the way 889And rescue my psyche from quantum decay. 890But if this queer thing has perplexed even you, 891Then I will *and* I won't see you in Schrodinger's zoo. 892 -- Randy F., Chicago, "The Straight Dope, a compendium 893 of human knowledge" by Cecil Adams 894% 895Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, 896But it's very funny -- did you ever try buying them without money? 897 -- Ogden Nash 898% 899Charlie was a chemist, 900But Charlie is no more. 901For what he thought was H2O, 902Was H2SO4. 903% 904Children aren't happy without something to ignore, 905And that's what parents were created for. 906 -- Ogden Nash 907% 908Chivalry, Schmivalry! 909 Roger the thief has a 910 method he uses for 911 sneaky attacks: 912Folks who are reading are 913 Characteristically 914 Always Forgetting to 915 Guard their own bac ... 916% 917Christmas time is here, by Golly; Kill the turkeys, ducks and chickens; 918Disapproval would be folly; Mix the punch, drag out the Dickens; 919Deck the halls with hunks of holly; Even though the prospect sickens, 920Fill the cup and don't say when... Brother, here we go again. 921 922On Christmas day, you can't get sore; Relations sparing no expense'll, 923Your fellow man you must adore; Send some useless old utensil, 924There's time to rob him all the more, Or a matching pen and pencil, 925The other three hundred and sixty-four! Just the thing I need... how nice. 926 927It doesn't matter how sincere Hark The Herald-Tribune sings, 928It is, nor how heartfelt the spirit; Advertising wondrous things. 929Sentiment will not endear it; God Rest Ye Merry Merchants, 930What's important is... the price. May you make the Yuletide pay. 931 Angels We Have Heard On High, 932Let the raucous sleighbells jingle; Tell us to go out and buy. 933Hail our dear old friend, Kris Kringle, Sooooo... 934Driving his reindeer across the sky, 935Don't stand underneath when they fly by! 936 -- Tom Lehrer 937% 938Cold be hand and heart and bone, 939and cold be sleep under stone; 940never more to wake on stony bed, 941never, till the Sun fails and the Moon is dead. 942 943In the black wind the stars shall die, 944and still on gold here let them lie, 945till the dark lord lifts his hand 946over dead sea and withered land. 947 -- J. R. R. Tolkien 948% 949Come fill the cup and in the fire of spring 950Your winter garment of repentence fling. 951The bird of time has but a little way 952To flutter -- and the bird is on the wing. 953 -- Omar Khayyam 954% 955Come live with me and be my love, 956And we will some new pleasures prove 957Of golden sands and crystal brooks 958With silken lines, and silver hooks. 959There's nothing that I wouldn't do 960If you would be my POSSLQ. 961 962You live with me, and I with you, 963And you will be my POSSLQ. 964I'll be your friend and so much more; 965That's what a POSSLQ is for. 966 967And everything we will confess; 968Yes, even to the IRS. 969Some day on what we both may earn, 970Perhaps we'll file a joint return. 971You'll share my pad, my taxes, joint; 972You'll share my life - up to a point! 973And that you'll be so glad to do, 974Because you'll be my POSSLQ. 975% 976Come live with me, and be my love, 977And we will some new pleasures prove 978Of golden sands, and crystal brooks, 979With silken lines, and silver hooks. 980 -- John Donne 981% 982Come on, Virginia, don't make me wait! 983Catholic girls start much too late, 984Ah, but sooner or later, it comes down to fate, 985I might as well be the one. 986Well, they showed you a statue, told you to pray, 987Built you a temple and locked you away, 988Ah, but they never told you the price that you paid, 989The things that you might have done. 990So come on, Virginia, show me a sign, 991Send up a signal, I'll throw you a line, 992That stained glass curtain that you're hiding behind, 993Never lets in the sun. 994Darling, only the good die young! 995 -- Billy Joel, "Only The Good Die Young" 996% 997Come, every frustum longs to be a cone, 998And every vector dreams of matrices. 999Hark to the gentle gradient of the breeze: 1000It whispers of a more ergodic zone. 1001 -- Stanislaw Lem, "Cyberiad" 1002% 1003Come, landlord, fill the flowing bowl until it does run over, 1004Tonight we will all merry be -- tomorrow we'll get sober. 1005 -- John Fletcher, "The Bloody Brother", II, 2 1006% 1007Come, let us hasten to a higher plane, 1008Where dyads tread the fairy fields of Venn, 1009Their indices bedecked from one to n, 1010Commingled in an endless Markov chain! 1011 -- Stanislaw Lem, "Cyberiad" 1012% 1013Come, muse, let us sing of rats! 1014 -- From a poem by James Grainger, 1721-1767 1015% 1016Coming to Stores Near You: 1017 1018101 Grammatically Correct Popular Tunes Featuring: 1019 1020 (You Aren't Anything but a) Hound Dog 1021 It Doesn't Mean a Thing If It Hasn't Got That Swing 1022 I'm Not Misbehaving 1023 1024And A Whole Lot More... 1025% 1026Confusion will be my epitaph 1027as I walk a cracked and broken path 1028If we make it we can all sit back and laugh 1029but I fear that tomorrow we'll be crying. 1030 -- King Crimson, "In the Court of the Crimson King" 1031% 1032Death comes on every passing breeze, 1033He lurks in every flower; 1034Each season has its own disease, 1035Its peril -- every hour. 1036 --Reginald Heber 1037% 1038 Deck us all with Boston Charlie, 1039 Walla Walla, Wash., an' Kalamazoo! 1040 Nora's freezin' on the trolley, 1041 Swaller dollar cauliflower, alleygaroo! 1042 1043 Don't we know archaic barrel, 1044 Lullaby Lilla Boy, Louisville Lou. 1045 Trolley Molly don't love Harold, 1046 Boola boola Pensacoola hullabaloo! 1047 -- Pogo, "Deck Us All With Boston Charlie" [Walt Kelly] 1048% 1049Declared guilty... of displaying feelings of an almost human nature. 1050 -- Pink Floyd, "The Wall" 1051% 1052Despising machines to a man, 1053The Luddites joined up with the Klan, 1054 And ride out by night 1055 In a sheeting of white 1056To lynch all the robots they can. 1057 -- C. M. and G. A. Maxson 1058% 1059Didja' ever have to make up your mind, 1060Pick up on one and leave the other behind, 1061It's not often easy, and it's not often kind, 1062Didja' ever have to make up your mind? 1063 -- Lovin' Spoonful 1064% 1065Disillusioned words like bullets bark, 1066As human gods aim for their mark, 1067Make everything from toy guns that spark 1068To flesh-colored christs that glow in the dark. 1069It's easy to see without looking too far 1070That not much is really sacred. 1071 -- Bob Dylan 1072% 1073Do your otters do the shimmy? 1074Do they like to shake their tails? 1075Do your wombats sleep in tophats? 1076Is your garden full of snails? 1077% 1078Don't be concerned, it will not harm you, 1079It's only me pursuing something I'm not sure of, 1080Across my dreams, with neptive wonder, 1081I chase the bright elusive butterfly of love. 1082% 1083Don't let nobody tell you what you cannot do; 1084don't let nobody tell you what's impossible for you; 1085don't let nobody tell you what you got to do, 1086or you'll never know ... what's on the other side of the rainbow... 1087remember, if you don't follow your dreams, 1088you'll never know what's on the other side of the rainbow... 1089 -- melba moore, "the other side of the rainbow" 1090% 1091Don't lose 1092Your head 1093To gain a minute 1094You need your head 1095Your brains are in it. 1096 -- Burma Shave 1097% 1098Don't wake me up too soon... 1099Gonna take a ride across the moon... 1100You and me. 1101% 1102Double Bucky, you're the one, 1103You make my keyboard so much fun, 1104Double Bucky, an additional bit or two, (Vo-vo-de-o) 1105Control and meta, side by side, 1106Augmented ASCII, 9 bits wide! 1107Double Bucky, a half a thousand glyphs, plus a few! 1108 1109Oh, I sure wish that I, 1110Had a couple of bits more! 1111Perhaps a set of pedals to make the number of bits four. 1112 1113Double Double Bucky! Double Bucky left and right 1114OR'd together, outta sight! 1115Double Bucky, I'd like a whole word of, 1116Double Bucky, I'm happy I heard of, 1117Double Bucky, I'd like a whole word of you! 1118 -- to Nicholas Wirth, who suggested that an extra bit 1119 be added to terminal codes on 36-bit machines for use 1120 by screen editors. [to the tune of "Rubber Ducky"] 1121% 1122Down to the Banana Republics, 1123Down to the tropical sun. 1124Go the expatriated Americans, 1125Hoping to find some fun. 1126Some of them go for the sailing, 1127Caught by the lure of the sea. 1128Trying to find what is ailing, 1129Living in the land of the free. 1130Some of them are running from lovers, 1131Leaving no forward address. 1132Some of them are running tons of ganja, 1133Some are running from the IRS. 1134Late at night you will find them, 1135In the cheap hotels and bars. 1136Hustling the senoritas, 1137While they dance beneath the stars. 1138 -- Jimmy Buffet, "Banana Republics" 1139% 1140Drink and dance and laugh and lie 1141Love, the reeling midnight through 1142For tomorrow we shall die! 1143(But, alas, we never do.) 1144 -- Dorothy Parker, "The Flaw in Paganism" 1145% 1146Easy come and easy go, 1147 some call me easy money, 1148Sometimes life is full of laughs, 1149 and sometimes it ain't funny 1150You may think that I'm a fool 1151 and sometimes that is true, 1152But I'm goin' to heaven in a flash of fire, 1153 with or without you. 1154 -- Hoyt Axton 1155% 1156Eleanor Rigby 1157 Sits at the keyboard 1158 And waits for a line on the screen 1159Lives in a dream 1160Waits for a signal 1161 Finding some code 1162 That will make the machine do some more. 1163What is it for? 1164 1165All the lonely users, where do they all come from? 1166All the lonely users, why does it take so long? 1167 1168Hacker MacKensie 1169Writing the code for a program that no one will run 1170It's nearly done 1171Look at him working, fixing the bugs in the night when there's 1172 nobody there. 1173What does he care? 1174 1175All the lonely users, where do they all come from? 1176All the lonely users, why does it take so long? 1177Ah, look at all the lonely users. 1178Ah, look at all the lonely users. 1179% 1180Endless the world's turn, endless the sun's spinning 1181Endless the quest; 1182I turn again, back to my own beginning, 1183And here, find rest. 1184% 1185Es brilig war. Die schlichte Toven 1186 Wirrten und wimmelten in Waben; 1187Und aller-m"umsige Burggoven 1188 Dir mohmen R"ath ausgraben. 1189 -- Lewis Carrol, "Through the Looking Glass" 1190% 1191Euch ist becannt, was wir beduerfen; 1192Wir wollen stark Getraenke schluerfen. 1193 -- Goethe, "Faust" 1194% 1195Even a man who is pure at heart, 1196And says his prayers at night 1197Can become a wolf when the wolfbane blooms, 1198And the moon is full and bright. 1199 -- The Wolf Man, 1941 1200% 1201Even in the moment of our earliest kiss, 1202When sighed the straitened bud into the flower, 1203Sat the dry seed of most unwelcome this; 1204And that I knew, though not the day and hour. 1205Too season-wise am I, being country-bred, 1206To tilt at autumn or defy the frost: 1207Snuffing the chill even as my fathers did, 1208I say with them, "What's out tonight is lost." 1209I only hoped, with the mild hope of all 1210Who watch the leaf take shape upon the tree, 1211A fairer summer and a later fall 1212Than in these parts a man is apt to see, 1213And sunny clusters ripened for the wine: 1214I tell you this across the blackened vine. 1215 -- Edna St. Vincent Millay, "Even in the Moment of 1216 Our Earliest Kiss", 1931 1217% 1218Ever Onward! Ever Onward! 1219That's the sprit that has brought us fame. 1220We're big but bigger we will be, 1221We can't fail for all can see, that to serve humanity 1222Has been our aim. 1223Our products now are known in every zone. 1224Our reputation sparkles like a gem. 1225We've fought our way thru 1226And new fields we're sure to conquer, too 1227For the Ever Onward IBM! 1228 -- Ever Onward, from the 1940 IBM Songbook 1229% 1230Ever since I was a young boy, 1231I've hacked the ARPA net, 1232From Berkeley down to Rutgers, He's on my favorite terminal, 1233Any access I could get, He cats C right into foo, 1234But ain't seen nothing like him, His disciples lead him in, 1235On any campus yet, And he just breaks the root, 1236That deaf, dumb, and blind kid, Always has full SYS-PRIV's, 1237Sure sends a mean packet. Never uses lint, 1238 That deaf, dumb, and blind kid, 1239 Sure sends a mean packet. 1240He's a UNIX wizard, 1241There has to be a twist. 1242The UNIX wizard's got Ain't got no distractions, 1243Unlimited space on disk. Can't hear no whistles or bells, 1244How do you think he does it? Can't see no message flashing, 1245I don't know. Types by sense of smell, 1246What makes him so good? Those crazy little programs, 1247 The proper bit flags set, 1248 That deaf, dumb, and blind kid, 1249 Sure sends a mean packet. 1250 -- UNIX Wizard 1251% 1252Every love's the love before 1253In a duller dress. 1254 -- Dorothy Parker, "Summary" 1255% 1256Every man is as God made him, ay, and often worse. 1257 -- Miguel de Cervantes 1258% 1259Every night my prayers I say, 1260 And get my dinner every day; 1261And every day that I've been good, 1262 I get an orange after food. 1263The child that is not clean and neat, 1264 With lots of toys and things to eat, 1265He is a naughty child, I'm sure-- 1266 Or else his dear papa is poor. 1267 -- Robert Louis Stevenson 1268% 1269Everybody knows that the dice are loaded. Everybody rolls with their fingers crossed. Everybody knows the war is over. Everybody knows the good guys lost. Everybody knows the fight was fixed: the poor stay poor, the rich get rich. That's how it goes. Everybody knows. 1270 1271Everybody knows that the boat is leaking. Everybody knows the captain lied. Everybody got this broken feeling like their father or their dog 1272just died. 1273 1274Everybody talking to their pockets. Everybody wants a box of chocolates and long stem rose. Everybody knows. 1275 1276Everybody knows that you love me, baby. Everybody knows that you really do. Everybody knows that you've been faithful, give or take a night or two. Everybody knows you've been discreet, but there were so many people you just had to meet without your clothes. And everybody knows. 1277 1278And everybody knows it's now or never. Everybody knows that it's me or you. 1279And everybody knows that you live forever when you've done a line or two. 1280Everybody knows the deal is rotten: Old Black Joe's still pickin' cotton 1281for you ribbons and bows. And everybody knows. 1282 -- Leonard Cohen, "Everybody Knows" 1283% 1284Everything's great in this good old world; 1285(This is the stuff they can always use.) 1286God's in his heaven, the hill's dew-pearled; 1287(This will provide for baby's shoes.) 1288Hunger and War do not mean a thing; 1289Everything's rosy where'er we roam; 1290Hark, how the little birds gaily sing! 1291(This is what fetches the bacon home.) 1292 -- Dorothy Parker, "The Far Sighted Muse" 1293% 1294Everywhere you go you'll see them searching, 1295Everywhere you turn you'll feel the pain, 1296Everyone is looking for the answer, 1297Well look again. 1298 -- Moody Blues, "Lost in a Lost World" 1299% 1300F: When into a room I plunge, I 1301 Sometimes find some VIOLET FUNGI. 1302 Then I linger, darkly brooding 1303 On the poison they're exuding. 1304 -- The Roguelet's ABC 1305% 1306Families, when a child is born 1307Want it to be intelligent. 1308I, through intelligence, 1309Having wrecked my whole life, 1310Only hope the baby will prove 1311Ignorant and stupid. 1312Then he will crown a tranquil life 1313By becoming a Cabinet Minister 1314 -- Su Tung-p'o 1315% 1316Farewell we call to hearth and hall! 1317Though wind may blow and rain may fall, 1318We must away ere break of day 1319Far over wood and mountain tall. 1320 1321 To Rivendell, where Elves yet dwell 1322 In glades beneath the misty fell, 1323 Through moor and waste we ride in haste, 1324 And whither then we cannot tell. 1325 1326With foes ahead, behind us dread, 1327Beneath the sky shall be our bed, 1328Until at last our toil be passed, 1329Our journey done, our errand sped. 1330 1331 We must away! We must away! 1332 We ride before the break of day! 1333 -- J. R. R. Tolkien 1334% 1335Felix Catus is your taxonomic nomenclature, 1336An endothermic quadroped, carnivorous by nature. 1337Your visual, olfactory, and auditory senses 1338Contribute to your hunting skills and natural defenses. 1339I find myself intrigued by your sub-vocal oscillations, 1340A singular development of cat communications 1341That obviates your basic hedonistic predelection 1342For a rhythmic stroking of your fur to demonstrate affection. 1343A tail is quite essential for your acrobatic talents: 1344You would not be so agile if you lacked its counterbalance; 1345And when not being utilitized to aid in locomotion, 1346It often serves to illustrate the state of your emotion. 1347Oh Spot, the complex levels of behavior you display 1348Connote a fairly well-developed cognitive array. 1349And though you are not sentient, Spot, and do not comprehend, 1350I nonetheless consider you a true and valued friend. 1351 -- Lt. Cmdr. Data, "An Ode to Spot" 1352% 1353Fifteen men on a dead man's chest, 1354Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum! 1355Drink and the devil had done for the rest, 1356Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum! 1357 -- Stevenson, "Treasure Island" 1358% 1359Fifty flippant frogs 1360Walked by on flippered feet 1361And with their slime they made the time 1362Unnaturally fleet. 1363% 1364Finality is death. 1365Perfection is finality. 1366Nothing is perfect. 1367There are lumps in it. 1368% 1369Five names that I can hardly stand to hear, 1370Including yours and mine and one more chimp who isn't here, 1371I can see the ladies talking how the times is gettin' hard, 1372And that fearsome excavation on Magnolia boulevard, 1373Yes, I'm goin' insane, 1374And I'm laughing at the frozen rain, 1375Well, I'm so alone, honey when they gonna send me home? 1376 Bad sneakers and a pina colada my friend, 1377 Stopping on the avenue by Radio City, with a 1378 Transistor and a large sum of money to spend... 1379You fellah, you tearin' up the street, 1380You wear that white tuxedo, how you gonna beat the heat, 1381Do you take me for a fool, do you think that I don't see, 1382That ditch out in the Valley that they're diggin' just for me, 1383Yes, and goin' insane, 1384You know I'm laughin' at the frozen rain, 1385Feel like I'm so alone, honey when they gonna send me home? 1386(chorus) 1387 -- Bad Sneakers, "Steely Dan" 1388% 1389Flying saucers on occasion 1390 Show themselves to human eyes. 1391Aliens fume, put off invasion 1392 While they brand these tales as lies. 1393% 1394"For a couple o' pins," says Troll, and grins, 1395"I'll eat thee too, and gnaw thy shins. 1396A bit o' fresh meat will go down sweet! 1397I'll try my teeth on thee now. 1398 Hee now! See now! 1399I'm tired o' gnawing old bones and skins; 1400I've a mind to dine on thee now." 1401 1402But just as he thought his dinner was caught, 1403He found his hands had hold of naught. 1404Before he could mind, Tom slipped behing 1405And gave him the boot to larn him. 1406 Warn him! Darn him! 1407A bump o' the boot on the seat, Tom thoguht, 1408Would be the way to larn him. 1409 1410But harder than stone is the flesh and bone 1411Of a troll that sits in the hills alone. 1412As well set your boot to the mountain's root, 1413For the seat of a troll don't feel it. 1414 Peel it! Heal it! 1415Old Troll laughed, when he heard Tom groan, 1416And he knew his toes could feel it. 1417 1418Tom's leg is game, since home he came, 1419And his bootless foot is lasting lame; 1420But Troll don't care, and he's still there 1421With the bone he boned from its owner. 1422 Doner! Boner! 1423Troll's old seat is still the same, 1424And the bone he boned from its owner! 1425 -- J. R. R. Tolkien 1426% 1427For gin, in cruel 1428Sober truth, 1429Supplies the fuel 1430For flaming youth. 1431 -- Noel Coward 1432% 1433For knighthood is not in the feats of war, 1434As for to fight in quarrel right or wrong, 1435But in a cause which truth cannot defer: 1436He ought himself for to make sure and strong, 1437Just to keep mixt with mercy among: 1438And no quarrel a knight ought to take 1439But for a truth, or for the common's sake. 1440 -- Stephen Hawes 1441% 1442"Force is but might," the teacher said-- 1443"That definition's just." 1444The boy said naught but thought instead, 1445Remembering his pounded head: 1446"Force is not might but must!" 1447% 1448Four be the things I am wiser to know: 1449Idleness, sorrow, a friend, and a foe. 1450 1451Four be the things I'd been better without: 1452Love, curiosity, freckles, and doubt. 1453 1454Three be the things I shall never attain: 1455Envy, content, and sufficient champagne. 1456 1457Three be the things I shall have till I die: 1458Laughter and hope and a sock in the eye. 1459 -- Dorothy Parker, "Inventory" [or "Not so Deep as a Well"?] 1460% 1461Friends, Romans, Hipsters, 1462Let me clue you in; 1463I come to put down Caesar, not to groove him. 1464The square kicks some cats are on stay with them; 1465The hip bits, like, go down under; 1466so let it lay with Caesar. The cool Brutus 1467Gave you the message: Caesar had big eyes; 1468If that's the sound, someone's copping a plea, 1469And, like, old Caesar really set them straight. 1470Here, copacetic with Brutus and the studs, -- 1471for Brutus is a real cool cat; 1472So are they all, all cool cats, -- 1473Come I to make this gig at Caesar's laying down. 1474% 1475From too much love of living, 1476From hope and fear set free, 1477We thank with brief thanksgiving, 1478Whatever gods may be, 1479That no life lives forever, 1480That dead men rise up never, 1481That even the weariest river winds somewhere safe to sea. 1482 -- Swinburne 1483% 1484Get in touch with your feelings of hostility against the dying light. 1485 -- Dylan Thomas [paraphrased periphrastically] 1486% 1487Get out, you old Wight! Vanish in the sunlight! 1488Shrivel like the cold mist, like the winds go wailing, 1489Out into the barren lands far beyond the mountains! 1490Come never here again! Leave your barrow empty! 1491Lost and forgotten be, darker than the darkness, 1492Where gates stand for ever shut, till the world is mended. 1493 -- J. R. R. Tolkien 1494% 1495Gibson's Springtime Song (to the tune of "Deck the Halls"): 1496 1497'Tis the season to chase mousies (Fa la la la la, la la la la) 1498Snatch them from their little housies (...) 1499First we chase them 'round the field (...) 1500Then we have them for a meal (...) 1501 1502Toss them here and catch them there (...) 1503See them flying through the air (...) 1504Watch them fly and hear them squeal (...) 1505Falling mice have great appeal (...) 1506 1507See the hunter stretched before us (...) 1508He's chased the mice in field and forest (...) 1509Watch him clean his long white whiskers (...) 1510Of the blood of little critters (...) 1511% 1512Gil-galad was an Elven-king. 1513Of him the harpers sadly sing: 1514the last whose realm was fair and free 1515between the Mountains and the Sea. 1516 1517His sword was long, his lance was keen, 1518his shining helm afar was seen; 1519the countless stars of heaven's field 1520were mirrored in his silver shield. 1521 1522But long ago he rode away, 1523and where he dwelleth none can say; 1524for into darkness fell his star 1525in Mordor where the shadows are. 1526 -- J. R. R. Tolkien 1527% 1528Gimme Twinkies, gimme wine, 1529 Gimme jeans by Calvin Kline ... 1530But if you split those atoms fine, 1531 Mama keep 'em off those genes of mine! 1532 1533Gimme zits, take my dough, 1534 Gimme arsenic in my jelly roll ... 1535Call the devil and sell my soul, 1536 But Mama keep dem atoms whole! 1537 -- Milo Bloom, "The Split-Atom Blues," in "Bloom County" 1538% 1539Give me the avowed, the erect, the manly foe, 1540Bold I can meet -- perhaps may turn his blow! 1541But of all plagues, good Heaven, thy wrath can send, 1542Save me, oh save me from the candid friend. 1543 -- George Canning 1544% 1545Give me your students, your secretaries, 1546Your huddled writers yearning to breathe free, 1547The wretched refuse of your Selectric III's. 1548Give these, the homeless, typist-tossed to me. 1549I lift my disk beside the processor. 1550 -- Inscription on a Word Processor 1551% 1552Go placidly amid the noise and waste, 1553And remember what comfort there may be in owning a piece thereof. 1554Avoid quiet and passive persons, unless you are in need of sleep. 1555Rotate your tires. 1556Speak glowingly of those greater than yourself, 1557And heed well their advice -- even though they be turkeys. 1558Know what to kiss -- and when. 1559Remember that two wrongs never make a right, 1560But that three do. 1561Wherever possible, put people on "HOLD". 1562Be comforted, that in the face of all aridity and disillusionment, 1563And despite the changing fortunes of time, 1564There is always a big future in computer maintenance. 1565 1566 You are a fluke of the universe ... 1567 You have no right to be here. 1568 Whether you can hear it or not, the universe 1569 Is laughing behind your back. 1570 -- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata" 1571% 1572Go placidly amid the noise and waste, and remember what value there may 1573be in owning a piece thereof. 1574 -- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata" 1575% 1576God rest ye CS students now, The bearings on the drum are gone, 1577Let nothing you dismay. The disk is wobbling, too. 1578The VAX is down and won't be up, We've found a bug in Lisp, and Algol 1579Until the first of May. Can't tell false from true. 1580The program that was due this morn, And now we find that we can't get 1581Won't be postponed, they say. At Berkeley's 4.2. 1582(chorus) (chorus) 1583 1584We've just received a call from DEC, And now some cheery news for you, 1585They'll send without delay The network's also dead, 1586A monitor called RSuX We'll have to print your files on 1587It takes nine hundred K. The line printer instead. 1588The staff committed suicide, The turnaround time's nineteen weeks. 1589We'll bury them today. And only cards are read. 1590(chorus) (chorus) 1591 1592And now we'd like to say to you CHORUS: Oh, tidings of comfort and joy, 1593Before we go away, Comfort and joy, 1594We hope the news we've brought to you Oh, tidings of comfort and joy. 1595Won't ruin your whole day. 1596You've got another program due, tomorrow, by the way. 1597(chorus) 1598 -- to God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen 1599% 1600Gold coast slave ship bound for cotton fields 1601Sold in a market down in New Orleans 1602Scarred old slaver knows he's doing alright 1603Hear him whip the women, just around midnight 1604 1605Ah, brown sugar how come you taste so good? 1606Ah, brown sugar just like a young girl should 1607 1608Drums beating cold English blood runs hot 1609Lady of the house wonderin' where it's gonna stop 1610House boy knows that he's doing alright 1611You should a heard him just around midnight. 1612... 1613I bet your mama was tent show queen 1614And all her girlfriends were sweet sixteen 1615I'm no school boy but I know what I like 1616You should have heard me just around midnight. 1617 -- Rolling Stones, "Brown Sugar" 1618% 1619Got a wife and kids in Baltimore Jack, 1620I went out for a ride and never came back. 1621Like a river that don't know where it's flowing, 1622I took a wrong turn and I just kept going. 1623 1624 Everybody's got a hungry heart. 1625 Everybody's got a hungry heart. 1626 Lay down your money and you play your part, 1627 Everybody's got a hungry heart. 1628 1629I met her in a Kingstown bar, 1630We fell in love, I knew it had to end. 1631We took what we had and we ripped it apart, 1632Now here I am down in Kingstown again. 1633 1634Everybody needs a place to rest, 1635Everybody wants to have a home. 1636Don't make no difference what nobody says, 1637Ain't nobody likes to be alone. 1638 -- Bruce Springsteen, "Hungry Heart" 1639% 1640Graphics blind the eyes. 1641Audio files deafen the ear. 1642Mouse clicks numb the fingers. 1643Heuristics weaken the mind. 1644Options wither the heart. 1645 1646The Guru observes the net 1647but trusts his inner vision. 1648He allows things to come and go. 1649His heart is as open as the ether. 1650% 1651H: If a 'GOBLIN (HOB) waylays you, 1652 Slice him up before he slays you. 1653 Nothing makes you look a slob 1654 Like running from a HOB'LIN (GOB). 1655 -- The Roguelet's ABC 1656% 1657 Hack placidly amidst the noisy printers and remember what prizes there 1658may be in Science. As fast as possible get a good terminal on a good system. 1659Enter your data clearly but always encrypt your results. And listen to others, 1660even the dull and ignorant, for they may be your customers. Avoid loud and 1661aggressive persons, for they are sales reps. 1662 If you compare your outputs with those of others, you may be surprised, 1663for always there will be greater and lesser numbers than you have crunched. 1664Keep others interested in your career, and try not to fumble; it can be a real 1665hassle and could change your fortunes in time. 1666 Exercise system control in your experiments, for the world is full of 1667bugs. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive 1668for linearity and everywhere papers are full of approximations. Strive for 1669proportionality. Especially, do not faint when it occurs. Neither be cyclical 1670about results; for in the face of all data analysis it is sure to be noticed. 1671 Take with a grain of salt the anomalous data points. Gracefully pass 1672them on to the youth at the next desk. Nurture some mutual funds to shield 1673you in times of sudden layoffs. But do not distress yourself with imaginings 1674-- the real bugs are enough to screw you badly. Murphy's Law runs the 1675Universe -- and whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt <Curl>B*n dS = 0. 1676 Therefore, grab for a piece of the pie, with whatever proposals you 1677can conceive of to try. With all the crashed disks, skewed data, and broken 1678line printers, you can still have a beautiful secretary. Be linear. Strive 1679to stay employed. 1680 -- Technolorata, "Analog" 1681% 1682"Had he and I but met 1683By some old ancient inn, But ranged as infantry, 1684We should have sat us down to wet And staring face to face, 1685Right many a nipperkin! I shot at him as he at me, 1686 And killed him in his place. 1687I shot him dead because -- 1688Because he was my foe, He thought he'd 'list, perhaps, 1689Just so: my foe of course he was; Off-hand-like -- just as I -- 1690That's clear enough; although Was out of work -- had sold his traps 1691 No other reason why. 1692Yes; quaint and curious war is! 1693You shoot a fellow down 1694You'd treat, if met where any bar is 1695Or help to half-a-crown." 1696 -- Thomas Hardy 1697% 1698Half a bee, philosophically, must ipso facto half not be. 1699But half the bee has got to be, vis-a-vis its entity. See? 1700But can a bee be said to be or not to be an entire bee, 1701When half the bee is not a bee, due to some ancient injury? 1702% 1703Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way. 1704 -- Pink Floyd 1705% 1706 Hard Copies and Chmod 1707 1708And everyone thinks computers are impersonal 1709cold diskdrives hardware monitors 1710user-hostile software 1711 1712of course they're only bits and bytes 1713and characters and strings 1714and files 1715 1716just some old textfiles from my old boyfriend 1717telling me he loves me and 1718he'll take care of me 1719 1720simply a discarded printout of a friend's directory 1721deep intimate secrets and 1722how he doesn't trust me 1723 1724couldn't hurt me more if they were scented in lavender or mould 1725on personal stationery 1726 -- terri@csd4.milw.wisc.edu 1727% 1728Hark, the Herald Tribune sings, 1729Advertising wondrous things. 1730 1731Angels we have heard on High 1732Tell us to go out and Buy. 1733 -- Tom Lehrer 1734% 1735Have you ever felt like a wounded cow 1736halfway between an oven and a pasture? 1737walking in a trance toward a pregnant 1738 seventeen-year-old housewife's 1739 two-day-old cookbook? 1740 -- Richard Brautigan 1741% 1742Have you seen how Sonny's burning, 1743Like some bright erotic star, 1744He lights up the proceedings, 1745And raises the temperature. 1746 -- The Birthday Party, "Sonny's Burning" 1747% 1748Have you seen the old man in the closed down market, 1749Kicking up the papers in his worn out shoes? 1750In his eyes you see no pride, hands hang loosely at his side 1751Yesterdays papers, telling yesterdays news. 1752 1753How can you tell me you're lonely, 1754And say for you the sun don't shine? 1755Let me take you by the hand 1756Lead you through the streets of London 1757I'll show you something to make you change your mind... 1758 1759Have you seen the old man outside the sea-man's mission 1760Memories fading like the metal ribbons that he wears. 1761In our winter city the rain cries a little pity 1762For one more forgotten hero and a world that doesn't care... 1763% 1764Have you seen the well-to-do, up and down Park Avenue? 1765On that famous thoroughfare, with their noses in the air, 1766High hats and Arrow collars, white spats and lots of dollars, 1767Spending every dime, for a wonderful time... 1768If you're blue and you don't know where to go to, 1769Why don't you go where fashion sits, 1770... 1771Dressed up like a million dollar trooper, 1772Trying hard to look like Gary Cooper, (super dooper) 1773Come, let's mix where Rockefeller's walk with sticks, 1774Or umberellas, in their mitts, 1775Puttin' on the Ritz. 1776... 1777If you're blue and you don't know where to go to, 1778Why don't you go where fashion sits, 1779Puttin' on the Ritz. 1780Puttin' on the Ritz. 1781Puttin' on the Ritz. 1782Puttin' on the Ritz. 1783% 1784He heard there oft the flying sound 1785Of feet as light as linden-leaves, 1786Of music welling underground, 1787In hidden hollows quavering. 1788Now withered lay the hemlock-sheaves, 1789And one by one with sighing sound 1790Whispering fell the beechen leaves 1791In the wintry woodland wavering. 1792 1793He sought her ever, wandering far 1794Where leaves of years were thickly strewn, 1795By light of moon and ray of star 1796In frosty heavens shivering. 1797Her mantle glinted in the moon, 1798As on a hill-top high and far 1799She danced, and at her feet was strewn 1800A mist of silver quivering. 1801 1802When winter passed, she came again, 1803And her song released the sudden spring, 1804Like rising lark, and falling rain, 1805And melting water bubbling. 1806He saw the elven-flowers spring 1807About her feet, and healed again 1808He longed by her to dance and sing 1809Upon the grass untroubling. 1810 -- J. R. R. Tolkien 1811% 1812He thought he saw an albatross 1813That fluttered 'round the lamp. 1814He looked again and saw it was 1815A penny postage stamp. 1816"You'd best be getting home," he said, 1817"The nights are rather damp." 1818% 1819He who invents adages for others to peruse 1820takes along rowboat when going on cruise. 1821% 1822He who loses, wins the race, 1823And parallel lines meet in space. 1824 -- John Boyd, "Last Starship from Earth" 1825% 1826He's been like a father to me, 1827He's the only DJ you can get after three, 1828I'm an all-night musician in a rock and roll band, 1829And why he don't like me I don't understand. 1830 -- The Byrds 1831% 1832Her locks an ancient lady gave 1833Her loving husband's life to save; 1834And men -- they honored so the dame -- 1835Upon some stars bestowed her name. 1836 1837But to our modern married fair, 1838Who'd give their lords to save their hair, 1839No stellar recognition's given. 1840There are not stars enough in heaven. 1841% 1842Here I am again right where I know I shouldn't be 1843I've been caught inside this trap too many times 1844I must've walked these steps and said these words a 1845 thousand times before 1846It seems like I know everybody's lines. 1847 -- David Bromberg, "How Late'll You Play 'Til?" 1848% 1849Here I sit, broken-hearted, 1850All logged in, but work unstarted. 1851First net.this and net.that, 1852And a hot buttered bun for net.fat. 1853 1854The boss comes by, and I play the game, 1855Then I turn back to net.flame. 1856Is there a cure (I need your views), 1857For someone trapped in net.news? 1858 1859I need your help, I say 'tween sobs, 1860'Cause I'll soon be listed in net.jobs. 1861% 1862Here in my heart, I am Helen; 1863 I'm Aspasia and Hero, at least. 1864I'm Judith, and Jael, and Madame de Sta"el; 1865 I'm Salome, moon of the East. 1866 1867Here in my soul I am Sappho; 1868 Lady Hamilton am I, as well. 1869In me R'ecamier vies with Kitty O'Shea, 1870 With Dido, and Eve, and poor Nell. 1871 1872I'm all of the glamorous ladies 1873 At whose beckoning history shook. 1874But you are a man, and see only my pan, 1875 So I stay at home with a book. 1876 -- Dorothy Parker 1877% 1878HERE LIES LESTER MOORE 1879SHOT 4 TIMES WITH A .44 1880NO LES 1881NO MOORE 1882 -- tombstone, in Tombstone, AZ 1883% 1884Hey dol! merry dol! ring a dong dillo! 1885Ring a dong! hop along! fal lal the willow! 1886Tom Bom, jolly Tom, Tom Bombadillo! 1887 -- J. R. R. Tolkien 1888% 1889Hey! Come derry dol! Hop along, my hearties! 1890Hobbits! Ponies all! We are fond of parties. 1891Now let the fun begin! Let us sing together! 1892 -- J. R. R. Tolkien 1893% 1894Hey! Come merry dol! derry dol! My darling! 1895Light goes the weather-wind and the feathered starling. 1896 1897Down along under Hill, shining in the sunlight, 1898Waiting on the doorstep for the cold starlight, 1899There my pretty lady is, River-woman's daughter, 1900Slender as the willow-wand, clearer than the water. 1901 1902Old Tom Bombadil water-lilies bringing 1903Comes hopping home again. Can you hear him singing? 1904Hey! Come merry dol! derry dol! and merry-o 1905Goldberry, Goldberry, merry yellow berry-o! 1906 1907Poor old Willow-man, you tuck your roots away! 1908Tom's in a hurry now. Evening will follow day. 1909Tom's going home again water-lilies bringing. 1910Hey! come derry dol! Can you hear me singing? 1911 -- J. R. R. Tolkien 1912% 1913Hey! now! Come hoy now! Whither do you wander? 1914Up, down, near or far, here, there or yonder? 1915Sharp-ears, Wise-nose, Swish-tail and Bumpkin, 1916White-socks my little lad, and old Fatty Lumpkin! 1917 -- J. R. R. Tolkien 1918% 1919Hey, diddle, diddle the overflow pdl 1920To get a little more stack; 1921If that's not enough then you lose it all 1922And have to pop all the way back. 1923% 1924Hickory Dickory Dock, 1925The mice ran up the clock, 1926The clock struck one, 1927The others escaped with minor injuries. 1928% 1929Hier liegt ein Mann ganz obnegleich; 1930Im Leibe dick, an Suden reich. 1931Wir haben ihn in das Grab gesteckt, Here lies a man with sundry flaws 1932Weil es uns dunkt er sei verreckt. And numerous Sins upon his head; 1933 We buried him today because 1934 As far as we can tell, he's dead. 1935 1936 -- PDQ Bach's epitaph, as requested by his cousin Betty 1937 Sue Bach and written by the local doggeral catcher; 1938 "The Definitive Biography of PDQ Bach", Peter Schickele 1939% 1940Higgeldy Piggeldy, 1941Hamlet of Elsinore 1942Ruffled the critics by 1943Dropping this bomb: 1944"Phooey on Freud and his 1945Psychoanalysis -- 1946Oedipus, Shmoedipus, 1947I just love Mom." 1948% 1949...his disciples lead him in; he just does the rest. 1950 -- The Who, "Tommy" 1951% 1952History is curious stuff 1953 You'd think by now we had enough 1954Yet the fact remains I fear 1955 They make more of it every year. 1956% 1957Hit them biscuits with another touch of gravy, 1958Burn that sausage just a match or two more done. 1959Pour my black old coffee longer, 1960While that smell is gettin' stronger 1961A semi-meal ain't nuthin' much to want. 1962 1963Loan me ten, I got a feelin' it'll save me, 1964With an ornery soul who don't shoot pool for fun, 1965If that coat'll fit you're wearin', 1966The Lord'll bless your sharin' 1967A semi-friend ain't nuthin' much to want. 1968 1969And let me halfway fall in love, 1970For part of a lonely night, 1971With a semi-pretty woman in my arms. 1972Yes, I could halfway fall in deep-- 1973Into a snugglin', lovin' heap, 1974With a semi-pretty woman in my arms. 1975 -- Elroy Blunt 1976% 1977Ho! Ho! Ho! to the bottle I go 1978To heal my heart and drown my woe. 1979Rain may fall and wind may blow, 1980And many miles be still to go, 1981But under a tall tree I will lie, 1982And let the clouds go sailing by. 1983 -- J. R. R. Tolkien 1984% 1985Ho! Tom Bombadil, Tom Bombadillo! 1986By water, wood and hill, by reed and willow, 1987By fire, sun and moon, harken now and hear us! 1988Come, Tom Bombadil, for our need is near us! 1989 -- J. R. R. Tolkien 1990% 1991Hop along my little friends, up the Withywindle! 1992Tom's going on ahead candles for to kindle. 1993Down west sinks the Sun; soon you will be groping. 1994When the night-shadows fall, then the door will open, 1995Out of the winfow-panes light will twinkle yellow. 1996Fear no alder black! Heed no hoary willow! 1997Fear neither root nor bough! Tom goes on before you. 1998Hey now! merry dol! We'll be waiting for you! 1999 -- J. R. R. Tolkien 2000% 2001How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat? 2002 -- Pink Floyd 2003% 2004How doth the little crocodile 2005 Improve his shining tail, 2006And pour the waters of the Nile 2007 On every golden scale! 2008 2009How cheerfully he seems to grin, 2010 How neatly spreads his claws, 2011And welcomes little fishes in, 2012 With gently smiling jaws! 2013 -- Lewis Carrol, "Alice in Wonderland" 2014% 2015How doth the VAX's C-compiler 2016 Improve its object code. 2017And even as we speak does it 2018 Increase the system load. 2019 2020How patiently it seems to run 2021 And spit out error flags, 2022While users, with frustration, all 2023 Tear their clothes to rags. 2024% 2025Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall, 2026Humpty Dumpty had a great fall! 2027All the king's horses, 2028And all the king's men, 2029Had scrambled eggs for breakfast again! 2030% 2031I always will remember -- I was in no mood to trifle; 2032'Twas a year ago November -- I got down my trusty rifle 2033I went out to shoot some deer And went out to stalk my prey -- 2034On a morning bright and clear. What a haul I made that day! 2035I went and shot the maximum I tied them to my bumper and 2036The game laws would allow: I drove them home somehow, 2037Two game wardens, seven hunters, Two game wardens, seven hunters, 2038And a cow. And a cow. 2039 2040The Law was very firm, it People ask me how I do it 2041Took away my permit-- And I say, "There's nothin' to it! 2042The worst punishment I ever endured. You just stand there lookin' cute, 2043It turns out there was a reason: And when something moves, you shoot." 2044Cows were out of season, and And there's ten stuffed heads 2045One of the hunters wasn't insured. In my trophy room right now: 2046 Two game wardens, seven hunters, 2047 And a pure-bred guernsey cow. 2048 -- Tom Lehrer, "The Hunting Song" 2049% 2050I am changing my name to Chrysler 2051I am going down to Washington, D.C. 2052I will tell some power broker 2053 What they did for Iacocca 2054Will be perfectly acceptable to me! 2055 2056I am changing my name to Chrysler, 2057I am heading for that great receiving line. 2058When they hand a million grand out, 2059 I'll be standing with my hand out, 2060Yessir, I'll get mine! 2061% 2062I B M 2063U B M 2064We all B M 2065For I B M!!!! 2066 -- H.A.R.L.I.E. 2067% 2068I can live without 2069Someone I love 2070But not without 2071Someone I need. 2072 -- "Safety" 2073% 2074I can see him a'comin' 2075With his big boots on, 2076With his big thumb out, 2077He wants to get me. 2078He wants to hurt me. 2079He wants to bring me down. 2080But some time later, 2081When I feel a little straighter, 2082I'll come across a stranger 2083Who'll remind me of the danger, 2084And then.... I'll run him over. 2085Pretty smart on my part! 2086To find my way... In the dark! 2087 -- Phil Ochs 2088% 2089I can't complain, but sometimes I still do. 2090 -- Joe Walsh 2091% 2092I don't know what Descartes' got, 2093But booze can do what Kant cannot. 2094 -- Mike Cross 2095% 2096I don't need no arms around me... 2097I don't need no drugs to calm me... 2098I have seen the writing on the wall. 2099Don't think I need anything at all. 2100No! Don't think I need anything at all! 2101All in all, it was all just bricks in the wall. 2102All in all, it was all just bricks in the wall. 2103 -- Pink Floyd, "Another Brick in the Wall", Part III 2104% 2105I don't wanna argue, and I don't wanna fight, 2106But there will definitely be a party tonight... 2107% 2108I don't want a pickle, 2109 I just wanna ride on my motorsickle. 2110And I don't want to die, 2111 I just want to ride on my motorcy. 2112Cle. 2113 -- Arlo Guthrie 2114% 2115I gave my love an Apple, that had no core; 2116I gave my love a building, that had no floor; 2117I wrote my love a program, that had no end; 2118I gave my love an upgrade, with no cryin'. 2119 2120How can there be an Apple, that has no core? 2121How can there be a building, that has no floor? 2122How can there be a program, that has no end? 2123How can there be an upgrade, with no cryin'? 2124 2125An Apple's MOS memory don't use no core! 2126A building that's perfect, it has no flaw! 2127A program with GOTOs, it has no end! 2128I lied about the upgrade, with no cryin'! 2129% 2130I get up each morning, gather my wits. 2131Pick up the paper, read the obits. 2132If I'm not there I know I'm not dead. 2133So I eat a good breakfast and go back to bed. 2134 2135Oh, how do I know my youth is all spent? 2136My get-up-and-go has got-up-and-went. 2137But in spite of it all, I'm able to grin, 2138And think of the places my get-up has been. 2139 -- Pete Seeger 2140% 2141I had an errand there: gathering water-lilies, 2142green leaves and lilies white to please my pretty lady, 2143the last ere the year's end to keep them from the winter, 2144to flower by her pretty feet till the snows are melted. 2145 2146Each year at summer's end I go to find them for her, 2147in a wide pool, deep and clear, far down Withywindle; 2148there they open first in spring and there they linger latest. 2149 2150By that pool long ago I found the River-daughter, 2151fair young Goldberry sitting in the rushes. 2152Sweet was her singing then, and her heart was beating! 2153 2154And that proved well for you--for now I shall no longer 2155go down deep again along the forest-water, 2156no while the year is old. Nor shall I be passing 2157Old Man Willow's house this side of spring-time, 2158not till the merry spring, when the River-daughter 2159dances down the withy-path to bathe in the water. 2160 -- J. R. R. Tolkien 2161% 2162I have a little shadow that goes in and out with me, 2163And what can be the use of him is more than I can see. 2164He is very, very like me from the heels up to the head; 2165And I see him jump before me, when I jump into my bed. 2166 2167The funniest thing about him is the way he likes to grow-- 2168Not at all like proper children, which is always very slow; 2169For he sometimes shoots up taller, like an india-rubber ball, 2170And he sometimes gets so little that there's none of him at all. 2171 -- R.L. Stevenson 2172% 2173I have learned 2174To spell hors d'oeuvres 2175Which still grates on 2176Some people's n'oeuvres. 2177 -- Warren Knox 2178% 2179I have lots of things in my pockets; 2180None of them is worth anything. 2181Sociopolitical whines aside, 2182Gan you give me, gratis, free, 2183The price of half a gallon 2184Of Gallo extra bad 2185And most of the bus fare home. 2186% 2187I have no doubt the Devil grins, 2188As seas of ink I spatter. 2189Ye gods, forgive my "literary" sins-- 2190The other kind don't matter. 2191 -- Robert W. Service 2192% 2193I have that old biological urge, 2194I have that old irresistible surge, 2195I'm hungry. 2196% 2197I knew Leo G. Carrol 2198Was over a barrel 2199When Tarantula took to the hills. ["Lick it!"] 2200And I really got hot 2201When I saw Jeanette Scott 2202Fight a triffid that spits poison and kills. 2203 2204Science fiction, double feature 2205Doctor X will build a creature. 2206See androids fighting Brad and Janet 2207Anne Francis stars in Forbidden Planet 2208Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh 2209At the late night, double feature, picture show. 2210 -- The Rocky Horror Picture Show 2211% 2212I know if you been talkin' you done said 2213just how suprised you wuz by the living dead. 2214You wuz suprised that they could understand you words 2215and never respond once to all the truth they heard. 2216But don't you get square! 2217There ain't no rule that says they got to care. 2218They can always swear they're deaf, dumb and blind. 2219% 2220I lately lost a preposition; 2221It hid, I thought, beneath my chair 2222And angrily I cried, "Perdition! 2223Up from out of under there." 2224 2225Correctness is my vade mecum, 2226And straggling phrases I abhor, 2227And yet I wondered, "What should he come 2228Up from out of under for?" 2229 -- Morris Bishop 2230% 2231I lay my head on the railroad tracks, 2232Waitin' for the double E. 2233The railroad don't run no more. 2234Poor poor pitiful me. [chorus] 2235 Poor poor pitiful me, poor poor pitiful me. 2236 These young girls won't let me be, 2237 Lord have mercy on me! 2238 Woe is me! 2239 2240Well, I met a girl, West Hollywood, 2241Well, I ain't naming names. 2242But she really worked me over good, 2243She was just like Jesse James. 2244She really worked me over good, 2245She was a credit to her gender. 2246She put me through some changes, boy, 2247Sort of like a Waring blender. [chorus] 2248 2249I met a girl at the Rainbow Bar, 2250She asked me if I'd beat her. 2251She took me back to the Hyatt House, 2252I don't want to talk about it. [chorus] 2253 -- Warren Zevon, "Poor Poor Pitiful Me" 2254% 2255I met him in a swamp down in Dagobah 2256Where it bubbles all the time like a giant cabinet soda 2257 S-O-D-A soda 2258I saw the little runt sitting there on a log 2259I asked him his name and in a raspy voice he said Yoda 2260 Y-O-D-A Yoda, Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda 2261 2262Well I've been around but I ain't never seen 2263A guy who looks like a Muppet but he's wrinkled and green 2264 Oh my Yoda, Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda 2265Well I'm not dumb but I can't understand 2266How he can raise me in the air just by raising his hand 2267 Oh my Yoda, Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda, Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda 2268 -- Weird Al Yankovic, "The Star Wars Song," to the tune of 2269 "Lola" by the Kinks 2270% 2271I must Create a System, or be enslav'd by another Man's; 2272I will not Reason and Compare; my business is to Create. 2273 -- William Blake, "Jerusalem" 2274% 2275I never saw a purple cow 2276I never hope to see one 2277But I can tell you anyhow 2278I'd rather see than be one. 2279 -- Gellett Burgess 2280 2281I've never seen a purple cow 2282I never hope to see one 2283But from the milk we're getting now 2284There certainly must be one 2285 -- Odgen Nash 2286 2287Ah, yes, I wrote "The Purple Cow" 2288I'm sorry now I wrote it 2289But I can tell you anyhow 2290I'll kill you if you quote it. 2291 -- Gellett Burgess, many years later 2292% 2293I owe, I owe, 2294It's off to work I go... 2295% 2296"I said, "Preacher, give me strength for round 5." 2297He said,"What you need is to grow up, son." 2298I said,"Growin' up leads to growin' old, 2299And then to dying, and to me that don't sound like much fun." 2300 -- John Cougar, "The Authority Song" 2301% 2302I saw a man pursuing the Horizon, 2303'Round and round they sped. 2304I was disturbed at this, 2305I accosted the man, 2306"It is futile," I said. 2307"You can never--" 2308"You lie!" He cried, 2309and ran on. 2310 -- Stephen Crane 2311% 2312I see a bad moon rising. 2313I see trouble on the way. 2314I see earthquakes and lightnin' 2315I see bad times today. 2316Don't go 'round tonight, 2317It's bound to take your life. 2318There's a bad moon on the rise. 2319 -- J. C. Fogerty, "Bad Moon Rising" 2320% 2321I see the eigenvalue in thine eye, 2322I hear the tender tensor in thy sigh. 2323Bernoulli would have been content to die 2324Had he but known such a-squared cos 2(phi)! 2325 -- Stanislaw Lem, "Cyberiad" 2326% 2327I sent a letter to the fish, I said it very loud and clear, 2328I told them, "This is what I wish." I went and shouted in his ear. 2329The little fishes of the sea, But he was very stiff and proud, 2330They sent an answer back to me. He said "You needn't shout so loud." 2331The little fishes' answer was And he was very proud and stiff, 2332"We cannot do it, sir, because..." He said "I'll go and wake them if..." 2333I sent a letter back to say I took a kettle from the shelf, 2334It would be better to obey. I went to wake them up myself. 2335But someone came to me and said But when I found the door was locked 2336"The little fishes are in bed." I pulled and pushed and kicked and 2337 knocked, 2338I said to him, and I said it plain And when I found the door was shut, 2339"Then you must wake them up again." I tried to turn the handle, But... 2340 2341 "Is that all?" asked Alice. 2342 "That is all." said Humpty Dumpty. "Goodbye." 2343% 2344I sent a message to another time, 2345But as the days unwind -- this I just can't believe, 2346I sent a message to another plane, 2347Maybe it's all a game -- but this I just can't conceive. 2348... 2349I met someone who looks at lot like you, 2350She does the things you do, but she is an IBM. 2351She's only programmed to be very nice, 2352But she's as cold as ice, whenever I get too near, 2353She tells me that she likes me very much, 2354But when I try to touch, she makes it all too clear. 2355... 2356I realize that it must seem so strange, 2357That time has rearranged, but time has the final word, 2358She knows I think of you, she reads my mind, 2359She tries to be unkind, she knows nothing of our world. 2360 -- ELO, "Yours Truly, 2095" 2361% 2362I stood on the leading edge, 2363The eastern seaboard at my feet. 2364"Jump!" said Yoko Ono 2365I'm too scared and good-looking, I cried. 2366Go on and give it a try, 2367Why prolong the agony, all men must die. 2368 -- Roger Waters, "The Pros and Cons of Hitchhiking" 2369% 2370I think that I shall never hear 2371A poem lovelier than beer. 2372The stuff that Joe's Bar has on tap, 2373With golden base and snowy cap. 2374The stuff that I can drink all day 2375Until my mem'ry melts away. 2376Poems are made by fools, I fear 2377But only Schlitz can make a beer. 2378% 2379I think that I shall never see 2380A billboard lovely as a tree. 2381Indeed, unless the billboards fall 2382I'll never see a tree at all. 2383 -- Ogden Nash 2384% 2385I think that I shall never see 2386A thing as lovely as a tree. 2387But as you see the trees have gone 2388They went this morning with the dawn. 2389A logging firm from out of town 2390Came and chopped the trees all down. 2391But I will trick those dirty skunks 2392And write a brand new poem called 'Trunks'. 2393% 2394"I thought that you said you were 20 years old!" 2395"As a programmer, yes," she replied, 2396"And you claimed to be very near two meters tall!" 2397"You said you were blonde, but you lied!" 2398Oh, she was a hacker and he was one, too, 2399They had so much in common, you'd say. 2400They exchanged jokes and poems, and clever new hacks, 2401And prompts that were cute or risque'. 2402He sent her a picture of his brother Sam, 2403She sent one from some past high school day, 2404And it might have gone on for the rest of their lives, 2405If they hadn't met in L.A. 2406"Your beard is an armpit," she said in disgust. 2407He answered, "Your armpit's a beard!" 2408And they chorused: "I think I could stand all the rest 2409If you were not so totally weird!" 2410If she had not said what he wanted to hear, 2411And he had not done just the same, 2412They'd have been far more honest, and never have met, 2413And would not have had fun with the game. 2414 -- Judith Schrier, "Face to Face After Six Months of 2415 Electronic Mail" 2416% 2417I used to be such a sweet sweet thing, 'til they got a hold of me, 2418I opened doors for little old ladies, I helped the blind to see, 2419I got no friends 'cause they read the papers, they can't be seen, 2420With me, and I'm feelin' real shot down, 2421And I'm, uh, feelin' mean, 2422 No more, Mr. Nice Guy, 2423 No more, Mr. Clean, 2424 No more, Mr. Nice Guy, 2425They say "He's sick, he's obscene". 2426 2427My dog bit me on the leg today, my cat clawed my eyes, 2428Ma's been thrown out of the social circle, and Dad has to hide, 2429I went to church, incognito, when everybody rose, 2430The reverend Smithy, he recognized me, 2431And punched me in the nose, he said, 2432(chorus) 2433He said "You're sick, you're obscene". 2434 -- Alice Cooper, "No More Mr. Nice Guy" 2435% 2436I was born in a barrel of butcher knives 2437Trouble I love and peace I despise 2438Wild horses kicked me in my side 2439Then a rattlesnake bit me and he walked off and died. 2440 -- Bo Diddley 2441% 2442I was eatin' some chop suey, 2443With a lady in St. Louie, 2444When there sudden comes a knockin' at the door. 2445And that knocker, he says, "Honey, 2446Roll this rocker out some money, 2447Or your daddy shoots a baddie to the floor." 2448 -- Mr. Miggle 2449% 2450I went home with a waitress, 2451The way I always do. 2452How I was I to know? 2453She was with the Russians too. 2454 2455I was gambling in Havana, 2456I took a little risk. 2457Send lawyers, guns, and money, 2458Dad, get me out of this. 2459 -- Warren Zevon, "Lawyers, Guns and Money" 2460% 2461I went over to my friend, he was eatin' a pickle. 2462I said "Hi, what's happenin'?" 2463He said "Nothin'." 2464Try to sing this song with that kind of enthusiasm; 2465As if you just squashed a cop. 2466 -- Arlo Guthrie, "Motorcycle Song" 2467% 2468I will not play at tug o' war. 2469I'd rather play at hug o' war, 2470Where everyone hugs 2471Instead of tugs, 2472Where everyone giggles 2473And rolls on the rug, 2474Where everyone kisses, 2475And everyone grins, 2476And everyone cuddles, 2477And everyone wins. 2478 -- Shel Silverstein, "Hug o' War" 2479% 2480I woke up a feelin' mean 2481went down to play the slot machine 2482the wheels turned round, 2483and the letters read 2484"Better head back to Tennessee Jed" 2485 -- Grateful Dead 2486% 2487I would like to know 2488What I was fencing in 2489And what I was fencing out. 2490 -- Robert Frost 2491% 2492I'd never cry if I did find 2493 A blue whale in my soup... 2494Nor would I mind a porcupine 2495 Inside a chicken coop. 2496Yes life is fine when things combine, 2497 Like ham in beef chow mein... 2498But lord, this time I think I mind, 2499 They've put acid in my rain. 2500 --- Milo Bloom 2501% 2502I'd rather laugh with the sinners, 2503Than cry with the saints, 2504The sinners are much more fun! 2505 -- Billy Joel, "Only The Good Die Young" 2506% 2507I'll grant thee random access to my heart, 2508Thoul't tell me all the constants of thy love; 2509And so we two shall all love's lemmas prove 2510And in our bound partition never part. 2511 2512Cancel me not -- for what then shall remain? 2513Abscissas, some mantissas, modules, modes, 2514A root or two, a torus and a node: 2515The inverse of my verse, a null domain. 2516 2517I see the eigenvalue in thine eye, 2518I hear the tender tensor in thy sigh. 2519Bernoulli would have been content to die 2520Had he but known such a-squared cos 2(thi)! 2521 -- Stanislaw Lem, "Cyberiad" 2522% 2523I'll learn to play the Saxophone, 2524I play just what I feel. 2525Drink Scotch whisky all night long, 2526And die behind the wheel. 2527They got a name for the winners in the world, 2528I want a name when I lose. 2529They call Alabama the Crimson Tide, 2530Call me Deacon Blues. 2531 -- Becker and Fagan, "Deacon Blues" 2532% 2533I'll meet you... on the dark side of the moon... 2534 -- Pink Floyd 2535% 2536I'm an artist. 2537But it's not what I really want to do. 2538What I really want to do is be a shoe salesman. 2539I know what you're going to say -- 2540"Dreamer! Get your head out of the clouds." 2541All right! But it's what I want to do. 2542Instead I have to go on painting all day long. 2543 2544The world should make a place for shoe salesmen. 2545 -- J. Feiffer 2546% 2547I'm free -- and freedom tastes of reality. 2548 -- The Who 2549% 2550I'm just as sad as sad can be! 2551 I've missed your special date. 2552Please say that you're not mad at me 2553 My tax return is late. 2554 -- Modern Lines for Modern Greeting Cards 2555% 2556i'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be 2557living apart. 2558 -- e. e. cummings 2559% 2560I'm N-ary the tree, I am, 2561N-ary the tree, I am, I am. 2562I'm getting traversed by the parser next door, 2563She's traversed me seven times before. 2564And ev'ry time it was an N-ary (N-ary!) 2565Never wouldn't ever do a binary. (No sir!) 2566I'm 'er eighth tree that was N-ary. 2567N-ary the tree I am, I am, 2568N-ary the tree I am. 2569 -- Stolen from Paul Revere and the Raiders 2570% 2571I'm So Miserable Without You It's Almost Like Having You Here 2572 -- Song title by Stephen Bishop. 2573 2574She Got the Gold Mine, I Got the Shaft 2575 -- Song title by Jerry Reed. 2576 2577When My Love Comes Back from the Ladies' Room Will I Be Too Old to Care? 2578 -- Song title by Lewis Grizzard. 2579 2580I Don't Know Whether to Kill Myself or Go Bowling 2581 -- Unattributed song title. 2582 2583Drop Kick Me, Jesus, Through the Goal Posts of Life 2584 -- Unattributed song title. 2585% 2586I'm very good at integral and differential calculus, 2587I know the scientific names of beings animalculous; 2588In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral, 2589I am the very model of a modern Major-General. 2590 -- Gilbert & Sullivan, "Pirates of Penzance" 2591% 2592I've been on this lonely road so long, 2593Does anybody know where it goes, 2594I remember last time the signs pointed home, 2595A month ago. 2596 -- Carpenters, "Road Ode" 2597% 2598I've built a better model than the one at Data General 2599For data bases vegetable, animal, and mineral 2600My OS handles CPUs with multiplexed duality; 2601My PL/1 compiler shows impressive functionality. 2602My storage system's better than magnetic core polarity, 2603You never have to bother checking out a bit for parity; 2604There isn't any reason to install non-static floor matting; 2605My disk drive has capacity for variable formatting. 2606 2607I feel compelled to mention what I know to be a gloating point: 2608There's lots of room in memory for variables floating-point, 2609Which shows for input vegetable, animal, and mineral 2610I've built a better model than the one at Data General. 2611 2612 -- Steve Levine, "A Computer Song" (To the tune of 2613 "Modern Major General", from "Pirates of Penzance", 2614 by Gilbert & Sullivan) 2615% 2616I/O, I/O, 2617It's off to disk I go, 2618A bit or byte to read or write, 2619I/O, I/O, I/O... 2620% 2621Iam 2622not 2623very 2624happy 2625acting 2626pleased 2627whenever 2628prominent 2629scientists 2630overmagnify 2631intellectual 2632enlightenment 2633% 2634IBM had a PL/I, 2635 Its syntax worse than JOSS; 2636And everywhere this language went, 2637 It was a total loss. 2638% 2639If a nation expects to be ignorant and free, 2640... it expects what never was and never will be. 2641 -- Thomas Jefferson 2642% 2643If a system is administered wisely, 2644its users will be content. 2645They enjoy hacking their code 2646and don't waste time implementing 2647labor-saving shell scripts. 2648Since they dearly love their accounts, 2649they aren't interested in other machines. 2650There may be telnet, rlogin, and ftp, 2651but these don't access any hosts. 2652There may be an arsenal of cracks and malware, 2653but nobody ever uses them. 2654People enjoy reading their mail, 2655take pleasure in being with their newsgroups, 2656spend weekends working at their terminals, 2657delight in the doings at the site. 2658And even though the next system is so close 2659that users can hear its key clicks and biff beeps, 2660they are content to die of old age 2661without ever having gone to see it. 2662% 2663If all be true that I do think, 2664There be five reasons why one should drink; 2665Good friends, good wine, or being dry, 2666Or lest we should be by-and-by, 2667Or any other reason why. 2668% 2669If all the seas were ink, 2670And all the reeds were pens, 2671And all the skies were parchment, 2672And all the men could write, 2673These would not suffice 2674To write down all the red tape 2675Of this Government. 2676% 2677If an S and an I and an O and a U 2678With an X at the end spell Su; 2679And an E and a Y and an E spell I, 2680Pray what is a speller to do? 2681Then, if also an S and an I and a G 2682And an HED spell side, 2683There's nothing much left for a speller to do 2684But to go commit siouxeyesighed. 2685 -- Charles Follen Adams, "An Orthographic Lament" 2686% 2687If Dr. Seuss Were a Technical Writer..... 2688 2689Here's an easy game to play. 2690Here's an easy thing to say: 2691 2692If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, 2693And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort, 2694And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, 2695Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report! 2696 2697If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, 2698And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, 2699And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash, 2700then your situation's hopeless, and your system's gonna crash! 2701 2702You can't say this? What a shame, sir! 2703We'll find you another game, sir. 2704 2705If the label on the cable on the table at your house, 2706Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse, 2707But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol, 2708That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall, 2709And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss, 2710So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse, 2711Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang, 2712'Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang! 2713 2714When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk, 2715And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risc, 2716Then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to ram your rom. 2717Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom! 2718 2719 -- DementDJ@ccip.perkin-elmer.com (DementDJ) [rec.humor.funny] 2720% 2721If I could read your mind, love, 2722What a tale your thoughts could tell, 2723Just like a paperback novel, 2724The kind the drugstore sells, 2725When you reach the part where the heartaches come, 2726The hero would be me, 2727Heroes often fail, 2728You won't read that book again, because 2729 the ending is just too hard to take. 2730 2731I walk away, like a movie star, 2732Who gets burned in a three way script, 2733Enter number two, 2734A movie queen to play the scene 2735Of bringing all the good things out in me, 2736But for now, love, let's be real 2737I never thought I could act this way, 2738And I've got to say that I just don't get it, 2739I don't know where we went wrong but the feeling is gone 2740And I just can't get it back... 2741 -- Gordon Lightfoot, "If You Could Read My Mind" 2742% 2743If I could stick my pen in my heart, 2744I would spill it all over the stage. 2745Would it satisfy ya, would it slide on by ya, 2746Would you think the boy was strange? 2747Ain't he strange? 2748... 2749If I could stick a knife in my heart, 2750Suicide right on the stage, 2751Would it be enough for your teenage lust, 2752Would it help to ease the pain? 2753Ease your brain? 2754 -- Rolling Stones, "It's Only Rock'N Roll" 2755% 2756If I promised you the moon and the stars, would you believe it? 2757 -- Alan Parsons Project 2758% 2759If I traveled to the end of the rainbow 2760As Dame Fortune did intend, 2761Murphy would be there to tell me 2762The pot's at the other end. 2763 -- Bert Whitney 2764% 2765If researchers wrote nursery rhymes... 2766 2767Little Miss Muffet sat on her gluteal region, 2768Eating components of soured milk. 2769On at least one occasion, 2770 along came an arachnid and sat down beside her, 2771Or at least in her vicinity, 2772And caused her to feel an overwhelming, but not paralyzing, fear, 2773Which motivated the patient to leave the area rather quickly. 2774 -- Ann Melugin Williams 2775% 2776If she had not been cupric in her ions, 2777Her shape ovoidal, 2778Their romance might have flourished. 2779But he built tetrahedral in his shape, 2780His ions ferric, 2781Love could not help but die, 2782Uncatylised, inert, and undernourished. 2783% 2784If you had just a minute to breathe, 2785And they granted you one final wish, 2786Would you ask for something 2787Like another chance? 2788 -- Traffic, "The Low Spark of High Heeled Boys" 2789% 2790If you stick a stock of liquor in your locker, 2791It is slick to stick a lock upon your stock. 2792 Or some joker who is slicker, 2793 Will trick you of your liquor, 2794If you fail to lock your liquor with a lock. 2795% 2796If you're worried by earthquakes and nuclear war, 2797As well as by traffic and crime, 2798Consider how worry-free gophers are, 2799Though living on burrowed time. 2800 -- Richard Armour, WSJ, 11/7/83 2801% 2802Il brilgue: les t^oves libricilleux 2803 Se gyrent et frillant dans le guave, 2804Enm^im'es sont les gougebosquex, 2805 Et le m^omerade horgrave. 2806 2807Es brilig war. Die schlichte Toven 2808 Wirrten und wimmelten in Waben; 2809Und aller-mumsige Burggoven 2810 Dir mohmen Rath ausgraben. 2811 -- Lewis Carrol, "Through the Looking Glass" 2812% 2813In /users3 did Kubla Kahn 2814A stately pleasure dome decree, 2815Where /bin, the sacred river ran 2816Through Test Suites measureless to Man 2817Down to a sunless C. 2818% 2819In every job that must be done, there is an element of fun. 2820Find the fun and snap! The job's a game. 2821And every task you undertake, becomes a piece of cake, 2822 a lark, a spree; it's very clear to see. 2823 -- Mary Poppins 2824% 2825In high school in Brooklyn 2826I was the baseball manager, 2827proud as I could be 2828I chased baseballs, 2829gathered thrown bats 2830handed out the towels Eventually, I bought my own 2831It was very important work but it was dark blue while 2832for a small spastic kid, the official ones were green 2833but I was a team member Nobody ever said anything 2834When the team got to me about my blue jacket; 2835their warm-up jackets the guys were my friends 2836I didn't get one Yet it hurt me all year 2837Only the regular team to wear that blue jacket 2838got these jackets, and among all those green ones 2839surely not a manager Even now, forty years after, 2840 I still recall that jacket 2841 and the memory goes on hurting. 2842 -- Bart Lanier Safford III, "An Obscured Radiance" 2843% 2844In Riemann, Hilbert or in Banach space 2845Let superscripts and subscripts go their ways. 2846Our asymptotes no longer out of phase, 2847We shall encounter, counting, face to face. 2848 -- Stanislaw Lem, "Cyberiad" 2849% 2850In the dimestores and bus stations 2851People talk of situations 2852Read books repeat quotations 2853Draw conclusions on the wall. 2854 -- Bob Dylan 2855% 2856In the early morning queue, 2857With a listing in my hand. 2858With a worry in my heart, There on terminal number 9, 2859Waitin' here in CERAS-land. Pascal run all set to go. 2860I'm a long way from sleep, But I'm waitin' in the queue, 2861How I miss a good meal so. With this code that ever grows. 2862In the early mornin' queue, Now the lobby chairs are soft, 2863With no place to go. But that can't make the queue move fast. 2864 Hey, there it goes my friend, 2865 I've moved up one at last. 2866 -- Ernest Adams, "Early Morning Queue", to "Early 2867 Morning Rain" by G. Lightfoot 2868% 2869In the land of the dark the Ship of the 2870Sun is driven by the Grateful Dead. 2871 -- Egyptian Book of the Dead 2872% 2873In this vale 2874Of toil and sin 2875Your head grows bald 2876But not your chin. 2877 -- Burma Shave 2878% 2879In Xanadu did Kubla Khan 2880A stately pleasure dome decree: 2881Where Alph, the sacred river, ran 2882Through caverns measureless to man 2883Down to a sunless sea. 2884So twice five miles of fertile ground 2885With walls and towers were girdled round: 2886And there were gardens bright with sinuous rills, 2887Where blossomed many an incense-bearing tree; 2888And here were forest ancient as the hills, 2889Enfolding sunny spots of greenery. 2890 -- S.T. Coleridge, "Kubla Kahn" 2891% 2892In Xanadu did Kubla Khan a stately pleasure dome decree 2893But only if the NFL to a franchise would agree. 2894% 2895Into love and out again, 2896 Thus I went and thus I go. 2897Spare your voice, and hold your pen: 2898 Well and bitterly I know 2899All the songs were ever sung, 2900 All the words were ever said; 2901Could it be, when I was young, 2902 Someone dropped me on my head? 2903 -- Dorothy Parker, "Theory" 2904% 2905It cannot be seen, cannot be felt, 2906Cannot be heard, cannot be smelt. 2907It lies behind starts and under hills, 2908And empty holes it fills. 2909It comes first and follows after, 2910Ends life, kills laughter. 2911% 2912It hangs down from the chandelier 2913Nobody knows quite what it does 2914Its color is odd and its shape is weird 2915It emits a high-sounding buzz 2916 2917It grows a couple of feet each day 2918and wriggles with sort of a twitch 2919Nobody bugs it 'cause it comes from 2920a visiting uncle who's rich! 2921 -- To "It Came Upon A Midnight Clear" 2922% 2923It happened long ago 2924In the new magic land 2925The Indians and the buffalo 2926Existed hand in hand 2927The Indians needed food 2928They need skins for a roof 2929The only took what they needed 2930And the buffalo ran loose 2931But then came the white man 2932With his thick and empty head 2933He couldn't see past his billfold 2934He wanted all the buffalo dead 2935It was sad, oh so sad. 2936 -- Ted Nugent, "The Great White Buffalo" 2937% 2938It is not good for a man to be without knowledge, 2939and he who makes haste with his feet misses his way. 2940 -- Proverbs 19:2 2941% 2942It used to be the fun was in 2943The capture and kill. 2944In another place and time 2945I did it all for thrills. 2946 -- Lust to Love 2947% 2948It was one time too many 2949One word too few 2950It was all too much for me and you 2951There was one way to go 2952Nothing more we could do 2953One time too many 2954One word too few 2955 -- Meredith Tanner 2956% 2957It's faster horses, 2958Younger women, 2959Older whiskey and 2960More money. 2961 -- Tom T. Hall, "The Secret of Life" 2962% 2963It's gonna be alright, 2964It's almost midnight, 2965And I've got two more bottles of wine. 2966% 2967It's just a jump to the left 2968 And then a step to the right. 2969Put your hands on your hips 2970 And pull your knees in tight. 2971It's the pelvic thrust 2972 That really gets you insa-a-a-a-ane 2973 2974 LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN! 2975 -- Rocky Horror Picture Show 2976% 2977It's just apartment house rules, 2978So all you 'partment house fools 2979Remember: one man's ceiling is another man's floor. 2980One man's ceiling is another man's floor. 2981 -- Paul Simon, "One Man's Ceiling Is Another Man's Floor" 2982% 2983It's Like This 2984 2985Even the samurai 2986have teddy bears, 2987and even the teddy bears 2988get drunk. 2989% 2990It's not against any religion to want to dispose of a pigeon. 2991 -- Tom Lehrer, "Poisoning Pigeons in the Park" 2992% 2993It's so confusing choosing sides in the heat of the moment, 2994 just to see if it's real, 2995Oooh, it's so erotic having you tell me how it should feel, 2996But I'm avoiding all the hard cold facts that I got to face, 2997So ask me just one question when this magic night is through, 2998Could it have been just anyone or did it have to be you? 2999 -- Billy Joel, "Glass Houses" 3000% 3001John the Baptist after poisoning a thief, 3002Looks up at his hero, the Commander-in-Chief, 3003Saying tell me great leader, but please make it brief 3004Is there a hole for me to get sick in? 3005The Commander-in-Chief answers him while chasing a fly, 3006Saying death to all those who would whimper and cry. 3007And dropping a barbell he points to the sky, 3008Saying the sun is not yellow, it's chicken. 3009 -- Bob Dylan, "Tombstone Blues" 3010% 3011Just a song before I go, Going through security 3012To whom it may concern, I held her for so long. 3013Traveling twice the speed of sound She finally looked at me in love, 3014It's easy to get burned. And she was gone. 3015When the shows were over Just a song before I go, 3016We had to get back home, A lesson to be learned. 3017And when we opened up the door Traveling twice the speed of sound 3018I had to be alone. It's easy to get burned. 3019She helped me with my suitcase, 3020She stands before my eyes, 3021Driving me to the airport 3022And to the friendly skies. 3023 -- Crosby, Stills, Nash, "Just a Song Before I Go" 3024% 3025Just machines to make big decisions, 3026Programmed by men for compassion and vision, 3027We'll be clean when their work is done, 3028We'll be eternally free, yes, eternally young, 3029What a beautiful world this will be, 3030What a glorious time to be free. 3031 -- Donald Fagon, "What A Beautiful World" 3032% 3033`Just the place for a Snark!' the Bellman cried, 3034 As he landed his crew with care; 3035Supporting each man on the top of the tide 3036 By a finger entwined in his hair. 3037 3038'Just the place for a Snark! I have said it twice: 3039 That alone should encourage the crew. 3040Just the place for a Snark! I have said it thrice: 3041 What I tell you three times is true.' 3042% 3043`Just the place for a Snark!' the Bellman cried, 3044 As he landed his crew with care; 3045Supporting each man on the top of the tide 3046 By a finger entwined in his hair. 3047 3048`Just the place for a Snark! I have said it twice: 3049 That alone should encourage the crew. 3050Just the place for a Snark! I have said it thrice: 3051 What I tell you three times is true.' 3052% 3053Just yesterday morning, they let me know you were gone, 3054Suzanne, the plans they made put an end to you, 3055I went out this morning and I wrote down this song, 3056Just can't remember who to send it to... 3057 3058Oh, I've seen fire and I've seen rain, 3059I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end, 3060I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend, 3061But I always thought that I'd see you again. 3062Thought I'd see you one more time again. 3063 -- James Taylor, "Fire and Rain" 3064% 3065K: Cobalt's metal, hard and shining; 3066 Cobol's wordy and confining; 3067 KOBOLDS topple when you strike them; 3068 Don't feel bad, it's hard to like them. 3069 -- The Roguelet's ABC 3070% 3071Keep ancient lands, your storied pomp! cries she 3072With silent lips. Give me your tired, your poor, 3073Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, 3074The wretched refuse of your teeming shore. 3075Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me... 3076 -- Emma Lazarus, "The New Colossus" 3077% 3078Knock Knock... (who's there?) Ether! (ether who?) Ether Bunny... Yea! 3079[chorus] 3080 Yeay! 3081 Stay on the Happy side, always on the happy side, 3082 Stay on the Happy side of life! 3083 Bum bum bum bum bum bum 3084 You will feel no pain, as we drive you insane, 3085 So Stay on the Happy Side of life! 3086 3087Knock Knock... (who's there?) Anna! (anna who?) 3088 An another ether bunny... [chorus] 3089Knock Knock... (who's there?) Stilla! (stilla who?) 3090 Still another ether bunny... [chorus] 3091Knock Knock... (who's there?) Yetta! (yetta who?) 3092 Yet another ether bunny... [chorus] 3093Knock Knock... (who's there?) Cargo! (cargo who?) 3094 Cargo beep beep and run over ether bunny... [chorus] 3095Knock Knock... (who's there?) Boo! (boo who?) 3096 Don't Cry! Ether bunny be back next year! [chorus] 3097% 3098Ladies and Gentlemen, Hobos and Tramps, 3099Cross-eyed mosquitos and bowlegged ants, 3100I come before you to stand behind you 3101To tell you of something I know nothing about. 3102Next Thursday (which is good Friday), 3103There will be a convention held in the 3104Women's Club which is strictly for Men. 3105Admission is free, pay at the door, 3106Pull up a chair, and sit on the floor. 3107It was a summer's day in winter, 3108And the snow was raining fast, 3109As a barefoot boy with shoes on, 3110Stood sitting in the grass. 3111Oh, that bright day in the dead of night, 3112Two dead men got up to fight. 3113Three blind men to see fair play, 3114Forty mutes to yell "Hooray"! 3115Back to back, they faced each other, 3116Drew their swords and shot each other. 3117A deaf policeman heard the noise, 3118Came and arrested those two dead boys. 3119% 3120Ladles and Jellyspoons! 3121I come before you to stand behind you, 3122To tell you something I know nothing about. 3123Since next Thursday will be Good Friday, 3124There will be a fathers' meeting, for mothers only. 3125Wear your best clothes, if you don't have any, 3126And please stay at home if you can possibly be there. 3127Admission is free, please pay at the door. 3128Have a seat on me: please sit on the floor. 3129No matter where you manage to sit, 3130The man in the balcony will certainly spit. 3131We thank you for your unkind attention, 3132And would now like to present our next act: 3133"The Four Corners of the Round Table." 3134% 3135Lady, lady, should you meet 3136One whose ways are all discreet, 3137One who murmurs that his wife 3138Is the lodestar of his life, 3139One who keeps assuring you 3140That he never was untrue, 3141Never loved another one... 3142Lady, lady, better run! 3143 -- Dorothy Parker, "Social Note" 3144% 3145Ladybug, ladybug, 3146Look to your stern! 3147Your house is on fire, 3148Your children will burn! 3149So jump ye and sing, for 3150The very first time 3151The four lines above 3152Have been put into rhyme. 3153 -- Walt Kelly 3154% 3155Last night I met upon the stair 3156A little man who wasn't there. 3157He wasn't there again today. 3158Gee how I wish he'd go away! 3159% 3160Latin is a language, 3161As dead as can be. 3162First it killed the Romans, 3163And now it's killing me. 3164% 3165Let me not to the marriage of true minds 3166Admit impediments. Love is not love 3167Which alters when it alteration finds, 3168Or bends with the remover to remove: 3169O, no! it is an ever-fixed mark, 3170That looks on tempests and is never shaken; 3171It is the star to every wandering bark, 3172Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken. 3173Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks 3174Within his bending sickle's compass come; 3175Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks, 3176But bears it out even to the edge of doom. 3177If this be error and upon me proved, 3178I never writ, nor no man ever loved. 3179% 3180Let us go then you and I 3181while the night is laid out against the sky 3182like a smear of mustard on an old pork pie. 3183 3184"Nice poem Tom. I have ideas for changes though, why not come over?" 3185 -- Ezra 3186% 3187Let us go, through certain half-deserted streets, 3188The muttering retreats 3189Of restless nights in one-night cheap hotels 3190And sawdust restaurants with oyster-shells: 3191Streets that follow like a tedious argument 3192Of insidious intent 3193To lead you to an overwhelming question... 3194Oh, do not ask, "What is it?" 3195 -- T.S. Eliot, "Love song of J. Alfred Prufrock" 3196% 3197Let us treat men and women well; 3198Treat them as if they were real; 3199Perhaps they are. 3200 -- Ralph Waldo Emerson 3201% 3202Life is like a tin of sardines. 3203We're, all of us, looking for the key. 3204 -- Beyond the Fringe 3205% 3206Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans. 3207 -- John Lennon, "Beautiful Boy" 3208% 3209Lift every voice and sing 3210Till earth and heaven ring, 3211Ring with the harmonies of Liberty; 3212Let our rejoicing rise 3213High as the listening skies, 3214Let it resound loud as the rolling sea. 3215 3216Sing a song full of the faith that the dark past has taught us. 3217Sing a song full of the hope that the present has bought us. 3218Facing the rising sun of our new day begun, 3219Let us march on till victory is won. 3220 -- James Weldon Johnson 3221% 3222Lighten up, while you still can, 3223Don't even try to understand, 3224Just find a place to make your stand, 3225And take it easy. 3226 -- The Eagles, "Take It Easy" 3227% 3228Like corn in a field I cut you down, 3229I threw the last punch way too hard, 3230After years of going steady, well, I thought it was time, 3231To throw in my hand for a new set of cards. 3232And I can't take you dancing out on the weekend, 3233I figured we'd painted too much of this town, 3234And I tried not to look as I walked to my wagon, 3235And I knew then I had lost what should have been found, 3236I knew then I had lost what should have been found. 3237 And I feel like a bullet in the gun of Robert Ford 3238 I'm as low as a paid assassin is 3239 You know I'm cold as a hired sword. 3240 I'm so ashamed we can't patch it up, 3241 You know I can't think straight no more 3242 You make me feel like a bullet, honey, 3243 a bullet in the gun of Robert Ford. 3244 -- Elton John "I Feel Like a Bullet" 3245% 3246Lisp, Lisp, Lisp Machine, 3247Lisp Machine is Fun. 3248Lisp, Lisp, Lisp Machine, 3249Fun for everyone. 3250% 3251Little Fly, 3252Thy summer's play If thought is life 3253My thoughtless hand And strength & breath, 3254Has brush'd away. And the want 3255 Of thought is death, 3256Am not I 3257A fly like thee? Then am I 3258Or art not thou A happy fly 3259A man like me? If I live 3260 Or if I die. 3261 3262For I dance 3263And drink & sing, 3264Till some blind hand 3265Shall brush my wing. 3266 -- William Blake, "The Fly" 3267% 3268Lizzie Borden took an axe, 3269And plunged it deep into the VAX; 3270Don't you envy people who 3271Do all the things ___YOU want to do? 3272% 3273Logicians have but ill defined 3274As rational the human kind. 3275Logic, they say, belongs to man, 3276But let them prove it if they can. 3277 -- Oliver Goldsmith 3278% 3279Louie Louie, me gotta go 3280Louie Louie, me gotta go 3281 3282Fine little girl she waits for me 3283Me catch the ship for cross the sea 3284Me sail the ship all alone Three nights and days me sail the sea 3285Me never thinks me make it home Me think of girl constantly 3286(chorus) On the ship I dream she there 3287 I smell the rose in her hair 3288Me see Jamaica moon above (chorus, guitar solo) 3289It won't be long, me see my love 3290I take her in my arms and then 3291Me tell her I never leave again 3292 -- The real words to The Kingsmen's classic "Louie Louie" 3293% 3294Love in your heart wasn't put there to stay. 3295Love isn't love 'til you give it away. 3296 -- Oscar Hammerstein II 3297% 3298Love, which is quickly kindled in a gentle heart, 3299 seized this one for the fair form 3300 that was taken from me-and the way of it afficts me still. 3301Love, which absolves no loved one from loving, 3302 seized me so strongly with delight in him, 3303 that, as you see, it does not leave me even now. 3304Love brought us to one death. 3305 -- La Divina Commedia: Inferno V, vv. 100-06 3306% 3307Margaret, are you grieving 3308Over Goldengrove unleaving? 3309Leaves, like the things of man, 3310You, with your fresh thoughts 3311Care for, can you? 3312Ah! as the heart grows older 3313It will come to such sights colder 3314By and by, nor spare a sigh 3315Though worlds of wanwood leafmeal lie 3316And yet you will weep and know why. 3317Now no matter, child, the name 3318Sorrow's springs are the same: 3319It is the blight man was born for, 3320It is Margaret you mourn for. 3321 -- Gerard Manley Hopkins. 3322% 3323Most folks they like the daytime, 3324 'cause they like to see the shining sun. 3325They're up in the morning, 3326 off and a-running till they're too tired for having fun. 3327But when the sun goes down, 3328 and the bright lights shine, my daytime has just begun. 3329 3330Now there are two sides to this great big world, 3331 and one of them is always night. 3332If you can take care of business in the sunshine, baby, 3333 I guess you're gonna be all right. 3334Don't come looking for me to lend you a hand. 3335 My eyes just can't stand the light. 3336 3337'Cause I'm a night owl honey, sleep all day long. 3338 -- Carly Simon 3339% 3340Mummy dust to make me old; 3341To shroud my clothes, the black of night; 3342To age my voice, an old hag's cackle; 3343To whiten my hair, a scream of fright; 3344A blast of wind to fan my hate; 3345A thunderbolt to mix it well -- 3346Now begin thy magic spell! 3347 -- Walter Disney, "Snow White" 3348% 3349My analyst told me that I was right out of my head, 3350 But I said, "Dear Doctor, I think that it is you instead. 3351Because I have got a thing that is unique and new, 3352 To prove it I'll have the last laugh on you. 3353'Cause instead of one head -- I've got two. 3354 3355And you know two heads are better than one. 3356% 3357My Bonnie looked into a gas tank, 3358The height of its contents to see! 3359She lit a small match to assist her, 3360Oh, bring back my Bonnie to me. 3361% 3362My calculator is my shepherd, I shall not want 3363It maketh me accurate to ten significant figures, 3364 and it leadeth me in scientific notation to 99 digits. 3365It restoreth my square roots and guideth me along paths of floating 3366 decimal points for the sake of precision. 3367Yea, tho I walk through the valley of surprise quizzes, 3368 I will fear no prof, for my calculator is there to hearten me. 3369It prepareth a log table to comfort me, it prepareth an 3370 arc sin for me in the presence of my teachers. 3371It annoints my homework with correct solutions, my interpolations are 3372 over. 3373Surely, both precision and accuracy shall follow me all the days of my 3374 life, and I shall dwell in the house of Texas instruments forever. 3375% 3376My darling wife was always glum. 3377I drowned her in a cask of rum, 3378And so made sure that she would stay 3379In better spirits night and day. 3380% 3381My love runs by like a day in June, 3382 And he makes no friends of sorrows. 3383He'll tread his galloping rigadoon 3384 In the pathway or the morrows. 3385He'll live his days where the sunbeams start 3386 Nor could storm or wind uproot him. 3387My own dear love, he is all my heart -- 3388 And I wish somebody'd shoot him. 3389 -- Dorothy Parker, part 3 3390% 3391My love, he's mad, and my love, he's fleet, 3392 And a wild young wood-thing bore him! 3393The ways are fair to his roaming feet, 3394 And the skies are sunlit for him. 3395As sharply sweet to my heart he seems 3396 As the fragrance of acacia. 3397My own dear love, he is all my dreams -- 3398 And I wish he were in Asia. 3399 -- Dorothy Parker, part 2 3400% 3401My My, hey hey 3402Rock and roll is here to stay The king is gone but he's not forgotten 3403It's better to burn out This is the story of a Johnny Rotten 3404Than to fade away It's better to burn out than it is to rust 3405My my, hey hey The king is gone but he's not forgotten 3406 3407It's out of the blue and into the black Hey hey, my my 3408They give you this, but you pay for that Rock and roll can never die 3409And once you're gone you can never come back There's more to the picture 3410When you're out of the blue Than meets the eye 3411And into the black 3412 -- Neil Young 3413 "My My, Hey Hey (Out of the Blue), Rust Never Sleeps" 3414% 3415"My name is Sue! How do you do?! Now you gonna die!" 3416Well, I hit him hard right between the eyes, 3417And he went down, but to my surprise, 3418Come up with a knife and cut off a piece of my ear. 3419So I busted a chair right across his teeth, 3420And we crashed through the walls and into the streets, 3421Kickin' and a-gougin' in the mud and the blood and beer. 3422Now I tell you, I've fought tougher men, 3423But I really can't remember when: 3424He kicked like a mule and he bit like a crocodile. 3425But I heard him laugh and then I heard him cuss, 3426And he went for his gun, but I pulled mine first, 3427And he sat there lookin' at me, and I saw him smile. 3428He said: "Son, this world is rough, 3429And if a man's gonna make it he's gotta be tough, 3430And I knew I wouldn't be there to help you along. 3431So I give you that name and I said goodbye, 3432And I knew you'd have to get tough or die, 3433And it's that name that's helped to make you strong! 3434 -- Johnny Cash, "A Boy Named Sue" 3435% 3436My own dear love, he is strong and bold 3437 And he cares not what comes after. 3438His words ring sweet as a chime of gold, 3439 And his eyes are lit with laughter. 3440He is jubilant as a flag unfurled -- 3441 Oh, a girl, she'd not forget him. 3442My own dear love, he is all my world -- 3443 And I wish I'd never met him. 3444 -- Dorothy Parker, part 1 3445% 3446My pen is at the bottom of a page, 3447Which, being finished, here the story ends; 3448'Tis to be wished it had been sooner done, 3449But stories somehow lengthen when begun. 3450 -- Byron 3451% 3452My soul is crushed, my spirit sore 3453I do not like me anymore, 3454I cavil, quarrel, grumble, grouse, 3455I ponder on the narrow house 3456I shudder at the thought of men 3457I'm due to fall in love again. 3458 -- Dorothy Parker, "Enough Rope" 3459% 3460Nature to all things fixed the limits fit, 3461And wisely curbed proud man's pretending wit. 3462As on the land while here the ocean gains, 3463In other parts it leaves wide sandy plains; 3464Thus in the soul while memory prevails, 3465The solid power of understanding fails; 3466Where beams of warm imagination play, 3467The memory's soft figures melt away. 3468 -- Alexander Pope (on runtime bounds checking?) 3469% 3470Near the Studio Jean Cocteau 3471On the Rue des Ecoles 3472lived an old man 3473with a blind dog 3474Every evening I would see him 3475guiding the dog along 3476the sidewalk, keeping 3477a firm grip on the leash 3478so that the dog wouldn't 3479run into a passerby 3480Sometimes the dog would stop 3481and look up at the sky 3482Once the old man 3483noticed me watching the dog 3484and he said, "Oh, yes, 3485this one knows 3486when the moon is out, 3487he can feel it on his face" 3488 -- Barry Gifford 3489% 3490Neuroses are red, 3491 Melancholia's blue. 3492I'm schizophrenic, 3493 What are you? 3494% 3495New York's got the ways and means; 3496Just won't let you be. 3497 -- The Grateful Dead 3498% 3499New York-- to that tall skyline I come 3500Flyin' in from London to your door 3501New York-- lookin' down on Central Park 3502Where they say you should not wander after dark. 3503New York. 3504 -- Simon and Garfunkle 3505% 3506Nine megs for the secretaries fair, 3507Seven megs for the hackers scarce, 3508Five megs for the grads in smoky lairs, 3509Three megs for system source; 3510 3511One disk to rule them all, 3512One disk to bind them, 3513One disk to hold the files 3514And in the darkness grind 'em. 3515% 3516Nine-track tapes and seven-track tapes 3517And tapes without any tracks; 3518Stretchy tapes and snarley tapes 3519And tapes mixed up on the racks -- 3520 Take hold of the tape 3521 And pull off the strip, 3522 And then you'll be sure 3523 Your tape drive will skip. 3524 -- Uncle Colonel's Cursory Rhymes 3525% 3526No one likes us. 3527I don't know why. 3528We may not be perfect, We give them money, 3529But heaven knows we try. But are they grateful? 3530But all around, No, they're spiteful, 3531Even our old friends put us down. And they're hateful. 3532Let's drop the big one, They don't respect us, 3533And see what happens. So let's surprise them 3534 We'll drop the big one, 3535 And pulverize 'em. 3536Asia's crowded, 3537Europe's too old, 3538Africa is far too hot, We'll save Australia. 3539And Canada's too cold. Don't wanna hurt no kangaroos. 3540And South America stole our name We'll build an All-American amusement 3541Let's drop the big one, park there-- 3542There'll be no one left to blame us. They got surfin', too! 3543 3544Boom! goes London, 3545And Boom! Paree. 3546More room for you, Oh, how peaceful it'll be! 3547And more room for me, We'll set everybody free! 3548And every city, You'll wear a Japanese kimono, babe; 3549The whole world round, There'll be Italian shoes for me! 3550Will just be another American town. They all hate us anyhow, 3551 So, let's drop the big one now. 3552 Let's drop the big one now! 3553 -- Randy Newman, "Drop the Big One" 3554% 3555No pig should go sky diving during monsoon 3556For this isn't really the norm. 3557But should a fat swine try to soar like a loon, 3558So what? Any pork in a storm. 3559 3560No pig should go sky diving during monsoon, 3561It's risky enough when the weather is fine. 3562But to have a pig soar when the monsoon doth roar 3563Cast even more perils before swine. 3564% 3565No plain fanfold paper could hold that fractal Puff -- 3566He grew so fast no plotting pack could shrink him far enough. 3567Compiles and simulations grew so quickly tame 3568And swapped out all their data space when Puff pushed his stack frame. 3569 (refrain) 3570Puff, he grew so quickly, while others moved like snails 3571And mini-Puffs would perch themselves on his gigantic tail. 3572All the student hackers loved that fractal Puff 3573But DCS did not like Puff, and finally said, "Enough!" 3574 (refrain) 3575Puff used more resources than DCS could spare. 3576The operator killed Puff's job -- he didn't seem to care. 3577A gloom fell on the hackers; it seemed to be the end, 3578But Puff trapped the exception, and grew from naught again! 3579 (refrain) 3580Refrain: 3581 Puff the fractal dragon was written in C, 3582 And frolicked while processes switched in mainframe memory. 3583 Puff the fractal dragon was written in C, 3584 And frolicked while processes switched in mainframe memory. 3585% 3586"No program is perfect," 3587They said with a shrug. 3588"The customer's happy-- 3589What's one little bug?" 3590 3591But he was determined, Then change two, then three more, 3592The others went home. As year followed year. 3593He dug out the flow chart And strangers would comment, 3594Deserted, alone. "Is that guy still here?" 3595 3596Night passed into morning. He died at the console 3597The room was cluttered Of hunger and thirst 3598With core dumps, source listings. Next day he was buried 3599"I'm close," he muttered. Face down, nine edge first. 3600 3601Chain smoking, cold coffee, And his wife through her tears 3602Logic, deduction. Accepted his fate. 3603"I've got it!" he cried, Said "He's not really gone, 3604"Just change one instruction." He's just working late." 3605 -- The Perfect Programmer 3606% 3607No rock so hard but that a little wave 3608May beat admission in a thousand years. 3609 -- Tennyson 3610% 3611No sooner had Edger Allen Poe 3612Finished his old Raven, 3613then he started his Old Crow. 3614% 3615No, his mind is not for rent 3616To any god or government. 3617Always hopeful, yet discontent, 3618He knows changes aren't permanent - 3619But change is. 3620% 3621Nothing that's forced can ever be right, 3622If it doesn't come naturally, leave it. 3623That's what she said as she turned out the light, 3624And we bent our backs as slaves of the night, 3625Then she lowered her guard and showed me the scars 3626She got from trying to fight 3627Saying, oh, you'd better believe it. 3628[...] 3629Well nothing that's real is ever for free 3630And you just have to pay for it sometime. 3631She said it before, she said it to me, 3632I suppose she believed there was nothing to see, 3633But the same old four imaginary walls 3634She'd built for livin' inside 3635I said oh, you just can't mean it. 3636[...] 3637Well nothing that's forced can ever be right, 3638If it doesn't come naturally, leave it. 3639That's what she said as she turned out the light, 3640And she may have been wrong, and she may have been right, 3641But I woke with the frost, and noticed she'd lost 3642The veil that covered her eyes, 3643I said oh, you can leave it. 3644 -- Al Stewart, "If It Doesn't Come Naturally, Leave It" 3645% 3646Now hatred is by far the longest pleasure; 3647Men love in haste, but they detest at leisure. 3648 -- George Gordon, Lord Byron, "Don Juan" 3649% 3650Now I lay me back to sleep. 3651The speaker's dull; the subject's deep. 3652If he should stop before I wake, 3653Give me a nudge for goodness' sake. 3654 -- Anonymous 3655% 3656Now I lay me down to sleep 3657I pray the double lock will keep; 3658May no brick through the window break, 3659And, no one rob me till I awake. 3660% 3661Now I lay me down to sleep, 3662I pray the Lord my soul to keep, 3663If I should die before I wake, 3664I'll cry in anguish, "Mistake!! Mistake!!" 3665% 3666Now I lay me down to study, 3667I pray the Lord I won't go nutty. 3668And if I fail to learn this junk, 3669I pray the Lord that I won't flunk. 3670But if I do, don't pity me at all, 3671Just lay my bones in the study hall. 3672Tell my teacher I've done my best, 3673Then pile my books upon my chest. 3674% 3675Now it's time to say goodbye 3676To all our company... 3677M-I-C (see you next week!) 3678K-E-Y (Why? Because we LIKE you!) 3679M-O-U-S-E. 3680% 3681Now let the song begin! Let us sing together 3682Of sun, star, moon and mist, rain and cloudy weather, 3683Light on the budding leag, dew on the feather, 3684Wind on the open hill, bells on the heather, 3685Reeds by the shady pool, lilies on the water: 3686Old Tom Bombadil and the River-daughter! 3687 -- J. R. R. Tolkien 3688% 3689Now of my threescore years and ten, 3690Twenty will not come again, 3691And take from seventy springs a score, 3692It leaves me only fifty more. 3693 3694And since to look at things in bloom 3695Fifty springs are little room, 3696About the woodlands I will go 3697To see the cherry hung with snow. 3698 -- A.E. Housman 3699% 3700Now that day wearies me, 3701My yearning desire 3702Will receive more kindly, 3703Like a tired child, the starry night. 3704 3705Hands, leave off your deeds, 3706Mind, forget all thoughts; 3707All of my forces 3708Yearn only to sink into sleep. 3709 3710And my soul, unguarded, 3711Would soar on widespread wings, 3712To live in night's magical sphere 3713More profoundly, more variously. 3714 -- Hermann Hesse, "Going to Sleep" 3715% 3716Now's the time to have some big ideas 3717Now's the time to make some firm decisions 3718We saw the Buddha in a bar down south 3719Talking politics and nuclear fission 3720We see him and he's all washed up -- 3721Moving on into the body of a beetle 3722Getting ready for a long long crawl 3723He ain't nothing -- he ain't nothing at all... 3724 3725Death and Money make their point once more 3726In the shape of Philosophical assassins 3727Mark and Danny take the bus uptown 3728Deadly angels for reality and passion 3729Have the courage of the here and now 3730Don't taking nothing from the half-baked buddhas 3731When you think you got it paid in full 3732You got nothing -- you got nothing at all... 3733 We're on the road and we're gunning for the Buddha. 3734 We know his name and he mustn't get away. 3735 We're on the road and we're gunning for the Buddha. 3736 It would take one shot -- to blow him away... 3737 -- Shriekback, "Gunning for the Buddah" 3738% 3739O give me a home, 3740Where the buffalo roam, 3741Where the deer and the antelope play, 3742Where seldom is heard 3743A discouraging word, 3744'Cause what can an antelope say? 3745% 3746O love, could thou and I with fate conspire 3747To grasp this sorry scheme of things entire, 3748Might we not smash it to bits 3749And mould it closer to our hearts' desire? 3750 -- Omar Khayyam, tr. FitzGerald 3751% 3752O slender as a willow-wand! O clearer than clear water! 3753O reed by the living pool! Fair river-daughter! 3754O spring-time and summer-time, and spring again after! 3755O wind on the waterfall, and the leaves' laughter! 3756 -- J. R. R. Tolkien 3757% 3758O! Wanderers in the shadowed land 3759despair not! For though dark they stand, 3760all woods there be must end at last, 3761and see the open sun go past: 3762the setting sun, the rising sun, 3763the day's end, or the day begun. 3764For east or west all woods must fail ... 3765 -- J. R. R. Tolkien 3766% 3767Observe yon plumed biped fine. 3768To activate its captivation, 3769Deposit on its termination, 3770A quantity of particles saline. 3771% 3772Of all the words of witch's doom 3773There's none so bad as which and whom. 3774The man who kills both which and whom 3775Will be enshrined in our Who's Whom. 3776 -- Fletcher Knebel 3777% 3778Oh don't the days seem lank and long 3779 When all goes right and none goes wrong, 3780And isn't your life extremely flat 3781 With nothing whatever to grumble at! 3782% 3783Oh give me your pity! 3784I'm on a committee, We attend and amend 3785Which means that from morning And contend and defend 3786 to night, Without a conclusion in sight. 3787 3788We confer and concur, 3789We defer and demur, We revise the agenda 3790And reiterate all of our thoughts. With frequent addenda 3791 And consider a load of reports. 3792 3793We compose and propose, 3794We suppose and oppose, But though various notions 3795And the points of procedure are fun; Are brought up as motions, 3796 There's terribly little gets done. 3797 3798We resolve and absolve; 3799But we never dissolve, 3800Since it's out of the question for us 3801To bring our committee 3802To end like this ditty, 3803Which stops with a period, thus. 3804 -- Leslie Lipson, "The Committee" 3805% 3806Oh, by the way, which one's Pink? 3807 -- Pink Floyd 3808% 3809Oh, give me a home, 3810Where the buffalo roam, 3811And I'll show you a house with a really messy kitchen. 3812% 3813Oh, I am a C programmer and I'm okay 3814 I muck with indices and structs all day 3815And when it works, I shout hoo-ray 3816 Oh, I am a C programmer and I'm okay 3817% 3818Oh, I have slipped the surly bonds of earth, 3819And danced the skies on laughter silvered wings; 3820Sunward I've climbed and joined the tumbling mirth 3821Of sun-split clouds and done a hundred things 3822You have not dreamed of -- 3823Wheeled and soared and swung 3824High in the sunlit silence. 3825Hovering there 3826I've chased the shouting wind along and flung 3827My eager craft through footless halls of air. 3828Up, up along delirious, burning blue 3829I've topped the wind-swept heights with easy grace, 3830Where never lark, or even eagle flew; 3831And, while with silent, lifting mind I've trod 3832The high untrespassed sanctity of space, 3833Put out my hand, and touched the face of God. 3834 -- John Gillespie Magee Jr., "High Flight" 3835% 3836Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song, 3837A medley of extemporanea; 3838And love is thing that can never go wrong; 3839And I am Marie of Roumania. 3840 -- Dorothy Parker, "Comment" 3841% 3842Oh, the Slithery Dee, he crawled out of the sea. 3843He may catch all the others, but he won't catch me. 3844No, he won't catch me, stupid ol' Slithery Dee. 3845He may catch all the others, but AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!! 3846 -- The Smothers Brothers 3847% 3848Oh, when I was in love with you, 3849 Then I was clean and brave, 3850And miles around the wonder grew 3851 How well did I behave. 3852 3853And now the fancy passes by, 3854 And nothing will remain, 3855And miles around they'll say that I 3856 Am quite myself again. 3857 -- A. E. Housman 3858% 3859Oh, yeah, life goes on, long after the thrill of livin' is gone. 3860 -- John Cougar, "Jack and Diane" 3861% 3862Old Mother Hubbard lived in a shoe, 3863She had so many children, 3864She didn't know what to do. 3865So she moved to Atlanta. 3866% 3867Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard 3868To fetch her poor daughter a dress. 3869When she got there, the cupboard was bare 3870And so was her daughter, I guess... 3871% 3872Old Tom Bombadil is a merry fellow, 3873Bright blue his jacket is, and his boots are yellow. 3874None has ever caught him yet, for Tom, he is the master: 3875His songs are stronger songs, and his feet are faster. 3876 -- J. R. R. Tolkien 3877% 3878On a morning from a Bogart movie, in a country where they turned back time, 3879You go strolling through the crowd like Peter Lorre contemplating a crime. 3880She comes out of the sun in a silk dress running like a watercolor in the rain. 3881Don't bother asking for explanations, she'll just tell you that she came 3882In the Year of the Cat. 3883 3884She doesn't give you time for questions, as she locks up your arm in hers, 3885And you follow 'till your sense of which direction completely disappears. 3886By the blue-tiled walls near the market stall there's a hidden door she 3887 leads you to. 3888These days, she say, I feel my life just like a river running through 3889The Year of the Cat. 3890 3891Well, she looks at you so coolly, 3892And her eyes shine like the moon in the sea. 3893She comes in incense and patchouli, 3894So you take her to find what's waiting inside 3895The Year of the Cat. 3896 3897Well, morning comes and you're still with her, but the bus and the tourists 3898 are gone, 3899And you've thrown away your choice and lost your ticket, so you have to stay on. 3900But the drum-beat strains of the night remain in the rhythm of the new-born day. 3901You know some time you're bound to leave her, but for now you're going to stay 3902In the Year of the Cat. 3903 -- Al Stewart, "Year of the Cat" 3904% 3905On the good ship Enterprise 3906Every week there's a new surprise 3907Where the Romulans lurk 3908And the Klingons often go berserk. 3909 3910Yes, the good ship Enterprise 3911There's excitement anywhere it flies 3912Where Tribbles play 3913And Nurse Chapel never gets her way. 3914 3915 See Captain Kirk standing on the bridge, 3916 Mr. Spock is at his side. 3917 The weekly menace, ooh-ooh 3918 It gets fried, scattered far and wide. 3919 3920It's the good ship Enterprise 3921Heading out where danger lies 3922And you live in dread 3923If you're wearing a shirt that's red. 3924 -- Doris Robin and Karen Trimble of The L.A. Filkharmonics, 3925 "The Good Ship Enterprise," to the tune of "The Good Ship Lollipop" 3926% 3927Once again dread deed is done. 3928Canon sleeps, 3929his all-knowing eye shaded 3930to human chance and circumstance. 3931Peace reigns anew o'er Pine Valley, 3932but Canon's sleep is troubled. 3933 3934Beware, scant days past the Ides of July. 3935Impatient hands wait eagerly 3936to grasp, to hold 3937scant moments of time 3938wrested from life in the full 3939glory of Canon's power; 3940held captive by his unblinking eye. 3941 3942Three golden orbs stand watch; 3943one each to toll the day, hour, minute 3944until predestiny decrees his reawakening. 3945When that feared moment arives, 3946"Ask not for whom the bell tolls, 3947It tolls for thee." 3948 -- "I extended the loan on your Camera, at the Pine 3949 Valley Pawn Shop today" 3950% 3951Once there was a little nerd who loved to read your mail, 3952And then yank back the i-access times to get hackers off his tail, 3953And once as he finished reading from the secretary's spool, 3954He wrote a rude rejection to her boyfriend (how uncool!) 3955And this as delivermail did work and he ran his backfstat, 3956He heard an awful crackling like rat fritters in hot fat, 3957And hard errors brought the system down 'fore he could even shout! 3958 And the bio bug'll bring yours down too, ef you don't watch out! 3959And once they was a little flake who'd prowl through the uulog, 3960And when he went to his blit that night to play at being god, 3961The ops all heard him holler, and they to the console dashed, 3962But when they did a ps -ut they found the system crashed! 3963Oh, the wizards adb'd the dumps and did the system trace, 3964And worked on the file system 'til the disk head was hot paste, 3965But all they ever found was this: "panic: never doubt", 3966 And the bio bug'll crash your box too, ef you don't watch out! 3967When the day is done and the moon comes out, 3968And you hear the printer whining and the rk's seems to count, 3969When the other desks are empty and their terminals glassy grey, 3970And the load is only 1.6 and you wonder if it'll stay, 3971You must mind the file protections and not snoop around, 3972 Or the bio bug'll getcha and bring the system down! 3973% 3974Once upon this midnight incoherent, 3975While you pondered sentient and crystalline, 3976Over many a broken and subordinate 3977Volume of gnarly lore, 3978While I pestered, nearly singing, 3979Sudddenly there came a hewing, 3980As of someone profusely skulking, 3981Skulking at my chamber door. 3982% 3983One bright Sunday morning, in the shadows of the steeple, 3984By the Relief Office, I seen my people; 3985As they stood there hungry, I stood there whistling, 3986This land was made for you and me. 3987 3988Nobody living can ever stop me, 3989As I go walking that freedom highway; 3990Nobody living can ever make me turn back, 3991This land was made for you and me. 3992 3993As I went walking, I saw a sign there, 3994And on the sign it said: "No Trespassing." 3995But on the other side, it didn't say nothing, 3996That side was made for you and me. 3997 -- Woody Guthrie, "This Land Is Your Land" (verses 4, 6, 7) 3998 [If you ever wondered why Arlo was so anti-establishment when his dad 3999 wrote such wonderful patriotic songs, the answer is that you haven't 4000 heard all of Woody's songs] 4001% 4002One day, 4003A mad meta-poet, 4004With nothing to say, 4005Wrote a mad meta-poem 4006That started: "One day, 4007A mad meta-poet, 4008With nothing to say, 4009Wrote a mad meta-poem 4010That started: "One day, 4011[...] 4012sort of close". 4013Were the words that the poet, 4014Finally chose, 4015To bring his mad poem, 4016To some sort of close". 4017Were the words that the poet, 4018Finally chose, 4019To bring his mad poem, 4020To some sort of close". 4021% 4022One good thing about music, 4023Well, it helps you feel no pain. 4024So hit me with music; 4025Hit me with music now. 4026 -- Bob Marley, "Trenchtown Rock" 4027% 4028One pill makes you larger, And if you go chasing rabbits 4029And one pill makes you small. And you know you're going to fall. 4030And the ones that mother gives you, Tell 'em a hookah smoking caterpillar 4031Don't do anything at all. Has given you the call. 4032Go ask Alice Call Alice 4033When she's ten feet tall. When she was just small. 4034 4035When men on the chessboard When logic and proportion 4036Get up and tell you where to go. Have fallen sloppy dead, 4037And you've just had some kind of And the White Knight is talking 4038 mushroom backwards 4039And your mind is moving low. And the Red Queen's lost her head 4040Go ask Alice Remember what the dormouse said: 4041I think she'll know. Feed your head. 4042 Feed your head. 4043 Feed your head. 4044 -- Jefferson Airplane, "White Rabbit" 4045% 4046One reason why George Washington 4047Is held in such veneration: 4048He never blamed his problems 4049On the former Administration. 4050 -- George O. Ludcke 4051% 4052One thing about the past. 4053It's likely to last. 4054 -- Ogden Nash 4055% 4056One toke over the line, sweet Mary, 4057One toke over the line, 4058Sittin' downtown in a railway station, 4059One toke over the line. 4060Waitin' for the train that goes home, 4061Hopin' that the train is on time, 4062Sittin' downtown in a railway station, 4063One toke over the line. 4064% 4065Other women cloy 4066The appetites they feed, but she makes hungry 4067Where most she satisfies. 4068 -- Antony and Cleopatra 4069% 4070Our little systems have their day; 4071They have their day and cease to be; 4072They are but broken lights of thee. 4073 -- Tennyson 4074% 4075Our sires' age was worse that our grandsires'. 4076We their sons are more worthless than they: 4077so in our turn we shall give the world a progeny yet more corrupt. 4078 -- Quintus Horatius Flaccus (Horace) 4079% 4080Parsley 4081 is gharsley. 4082 -- Ogden Nash 4083% 4084Payeen to a Twang 4085Derrida 4086Ore-Ida 4087potato. 4088 4089If you dared, 4090I'd ask you 4091to go dig 4092up your ides under brown- 4093tubered skies. 4094 4095where pitchforked 4096you will ask 4097Derrida? 4098% 4099Piping down the valleys wild, 4100Piping songs of pleasant glee, 4101On a cloud I saw a child, 4102And he laughing said to me: 4103"Pipe a song about a Lamb!" 4104So I piped with merry cheer. 4105"Piper, pipe that song again;" 4106So I piped: he wept to hear. 4107 -- William Blake, "Songs of Innocence" 4108% 4109Plagiarize, plagiarize, 4110Let no man's work evade your eyes, 4111Remember why the good Lord made your eyes, 4112Don't shade your eyes, 4113But plagiarize, plagiarize, plagiarize. 4114Only be sure to call it research. 4115 -- Tom Lehrer 4116% 4117Planet Claire has pink hair. 4118All the trees are red. 4119No one ever dies there. 4120No one has a head.... 4121% 4122Please stand for the National Anthem: 4123 4124 Australians all, let us rejoice, 4125 For we are young and free. 4126 We've golden soil and wealth for toil 4127 Our home is girt by sea. 4128 Our land abounds in nature's gifts 4129 Of beauty rich and rare. 4130 In history's page, let every stage 4131 Advance Australia Fair. 4132 In joyful strains then let us sing, 4133 Advance Australia Fair. 4134 4135Thank you. You may resume your seat. 4136% 4137Please stand for the National Anthem: 4138 4139 God save our Gracious Queen! 4140 Long live our Noble Queen! 4141 God save the Queen! 4142 Send her victorious, 4143 Happy and glorious, 4144 Long to reign o'er us! 4145 God save the Queen! 4146 4147Thank you. You may resume your seat. 4148% 4149Please stand for the National Anthem: 4150 4151 O Canada 4152 Our home and native land 4153 True patriot love 4154 In all thy sons' command 4155 With glowing hearts we see thee rise 4156 The true north strong and free 4157 From far and wide, O Canada 4158 We stand on guard for thee 4159 God keep our land glorious and free 4160 O Canada we stand on guard for thee 4161 O Canada we stand on guard for thee 4162 4163Thank you. You may resume your seat. 4164% 4165Please stand for the National Anthem: 4166 4167 Oh, say can you see by dawn's early light 4168 What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming? 4169 Whose broad stripes and bright stars through the perilous fight 4170 O'er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming? 4171 And the rockets' red glare, the bombs bursting in air, 4172 Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there. 4173 Oh, say does that star-spangled banner yet wave 4174 O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave? 4175 4176Thank you. You may resume your seat. 4177% 4178Power, like a desolating pestilence, 4179Pollutes whate'er it touches... 4180 -- Percy Bysshe Shelley 4181% 4182Probable-Possible, my black hen, 4183She lays eggs in the Relative When. 4184She doesn't lay eggs in the Positive Now 4185Because she's unable to postulate How. 4186 -- Frederick Winsor 4187% 4188 Proposed Country & Western Song Titles 4189I Can't Get Over You, So I Get Up and Go Around to the Other Side 4190If You Won't Leave Me Alone, I'll Find Someone Who Will 4191I Knew That You'd Committed a Sin When You Came Home Late With 4192 Your Socks Outside-in 4193I'm a Rabbit in the Headlights of Your Love 4194Don't Kick My Tires If You Ain't Gonna Take Me For a Ride 4195I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well 4196I Still Miss You, Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better 4197I've Got Red Eyes From Your White Lies and I'm Blue All the Time 4198 -- "Wordplay" 4199% 4200 Proposed Country & Western Song Titles 4201I Don't Mind If You Lie to Me, As Long As I Ain't Lyin' Alone 4202I Wouldn't Take You to a Dog Fight Even If I Thought You Could Win 4203If You Leave Me, Walk Out Backwards So I'll Think You're Comin' In 4204Since You Learned to Lip-Sync, I'm At Your Disposal 4205My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field, While Your Dear John Was 4206 Breaking My Heart 4207Don't Cry, Little Darlin', You're Waterin' My Beer 4208Tennis Must Be Your Racket, 'Cause Love Means Nothin' to You 4209When You Say You Love Me, You're Full of Prunes, 'Cause Living 4210 With You Is the Pits 4211I Wanted Your Hand in Marriage but All I Got Was the Finger 4212 -- "Wordplay" 4213% 4214 Proposed Country & Western Song Titles 4215She Ain't Much to See, but She Looks Good Through the Bottom of a Glass 4216If Fingerprints Showed Up On Skin, I Wonder Who's I'd Find On You 4217I'm Ashamed to be Here, but Not Ashamed Enough to Leave 4218It's Commode Huggin' Time In The Valley 4219If You Want to Keep the Beer Real Cold, Put It Next to My Ex-wife's Heart 4220If You Get the Feeling That I Don't Love You, Feel Again 4221I'm Ashamed To Be Here, But Not Ashamed Enough To Leave 4222It's the Bottle Against the Bible in the Battle For Daddy's Soul 4223My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Miss Him 4224Don't Cut Any More Wood, Baby, 'Cause I'll Be Comin' Home With A Load 4225I Loved Her Face, But I Left Her Behind For You 4226% 4227Put another password in, 4228Bomb it out, then try again. 4229Try to get past logging in, 4230We're hacking, hacking, hacking. 4231 4232Try his first wife's maiden name, 4233This is more than just a game. 4234It's real fun, but just the same, 4235It's hacking, hacking, hacking. 4236 -- To the tune of "Music, Music, Music?" 4237% 4238rain falls where clouds come 4239sun shines where clouds go 4240clouds just come and go 4241 -- Florian Gutzwiller 4242% 4243Razors pain you; 4244 Rivers are damp. 4245 Acids stain you, 4246And drugs cause cramp. 4247 4248Guns aren't lawful; 4249 Nooses give. 4250 Gas smells awful-- 4251You might as well live! 4252 -- Dorothy Parker, "Resume", 1926 4253% 4254Reclaimer, spare that tree! 4255Take not a single bit! 4256It used to point to me, 4257Now I'm protecting it. 4258It was the reader's CONS 4259That made it, paired by dot; 4260Now, GC, for the nonce, 4261Thou shalt reclaim it not. 4262% 4263Remember that whatever misfortune may be your lot, it could only be 4264worse in Cleveland. 4265 -- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata" 4266% 4267Remember thee 4268Ay, thou poor ghost while memory holds a seat 4269In this distracted globe. Remember thee! 4270Yea, from the table of my memory 4271I'll wipe away all trivial fond records, 4272All saws of books, all forms, all pressures past, 4273That youth and observation copied there. 4274 -- William Shakespeare, "Hamlet" 4275% 4276Remove me from this land of slaves, 4277Where all are fools, and all are knaves, 4278Where every knave and fool is bought, 4279Yet kindly sells himself for nought; 4280 -- Jonathan Swift 4281% 4282Romeo was restless, he was ready to kill, 4283He jumped out the window 'cause he couldn't sit still, 4284Juliet was waiting with a safety net, 4285Said "don't bury me 'cause I ain't dead yet". 4286 -- Elvis Costello 4287% 4288Roses are red; 4289 Violets are blue. 4290I'm schizophrenic, 4291 And so am I. 4292% 4293Saturday night in Toledo Ohio, 4294 Is like being nowhere at all, 4295All through the day how the hours rush by, 4296 You sit in the park and you watch the grass die. 4297 -- John Denver, "Saturday Night in Toledo Ohio" 4298% 4299Say it with flowers, 4300Or say it with mink, 4301But whatever you do, 4302Don't say it with ink! 4303 -- Jimmie Durante 4304% 4305Say many of cameras focused t'us, 4306Our middle-aged shots do us justice. 4307No justice, please, curse ye! 4308We really want mercy: 4309You see, 'tis the justice, disgusts us. 4310 -- Thomas H. Hildebrandt 4311% 4312Say my love is easy had, 4313 Say I'm bitten raw with pride, 4314Say I am too often sad -- 4315 Still behold me at your side. 4316 4317Say I'm neither brave nor young, 4318 Say I woo and coddle care, 4319Say the devil touched my tongue -- 4320 Still you have my heart to wear. 4321 4322But say my verses do not scan, 4323 And I get me another man! 4324 -- Dorothy Parker, "Fighting Words" 4325% 4326Say! You've struck a heap of trouble-- 4327Bust in business, lost your wife; 4328No one cares a cent about you, 4329You don't care a cent for life; 4330Hard luck has of hope bereft you, 4331Health is failing, wish you'd die-- 4332Why, you've still the sunshine left you 4333And the big blue sky. 4334 -- R.W. Service 4335% 4336Science Fiction, Double Feature. 4337Frank has built and lost his creature. 4338Darkness has conquered Brad and Janet. 4339The servants gone to a distant planet. 4340Wo, oh, oh, oh. 4341At the late night, double feature, Picture show. 4342I want to go, oh, oh, oh. 4343To the late night, double feature, Picture show. 4344 -- Rocky Horror Picture Show 4345% 4346Science! true daughter of Old Time thou art! 4347Who alterest all things with thy peering eyes. 4348Why preyest thou thus upon the poet's heart, 4349Vulture, whose wings are dull realities? 4350How should he love thee? or how deem thee wise? 4351Who wouldst not leave him in his wandering 4352To seek for treasure in the jewelled skies, 4353Albeit he soared with an undaunted wing? 4354Hast thou not dragged Diana from her car? 4355And driven the Hamadryad from the wood 4356To seek a shelter in some happier star? 4357Hast thou not torn the Naiad from her flood, 4358The Elfin from the green grass, and from me 4359The summer dream beneath the tamarind tree? 4360 -- Edgar Allen Poe, "Science, a Sonnet" 4361% 4362Scintillate, scintillate, globule vivific, 4363Fain how I pause at your nature specific, 4364Loftily poised in the ether capacious, 4365Highly resembling a gem carbonaceous. 4366Scintillate, scintillate, globule vivific, 4367Fain how I pause at your nature specific. 4368% 4369Scratch the disks, dump the core, Shut it down, pull the plug 4370Roll the tapes across the floor, Give the core an extra tug 4371And the system is going to crash. And the system is going to crash. 4372Teletypes smashed to bits. Mem'ry cards, one and all, 4373Give the scopes some nasty hits Toss out halfway down the hall 4374And the system is going to crash. And the system is going to crash. 4375And we've also found Just flip one switch 4376When you turn the power down, And the lights will cease to twitch 4377You turn the disk readers into trash. And the tape drives will crumble 4378 in a flash. 4379Oh, it's so much fun, When the CPU 4380Now the CPU won't run Can print nothing out but "foo," 4381And the system is going to crash. The system is going to crash. 4382 -- To the tune of "As the Caissons go Rolling Along" 4383% 4384Seduced, shaggy Samson snored. 4385She scissored short. Sorely shorn, 4386Soon shackled slave, Samson sighed, 4387Silently scheming, 4388Sightlessly seeking 4389Some savage, spectacular suicide. 4390 -- Stanislaw Lem, "Cyberiad" 4391% 4392Seek for the Sword that was broken: 4393In Imladris it dwells; 4394There shall be counsels taken 4395Stronger than Morgul-spells. 4396 4397There shall be shown a token 4398That Doom is near at hand, 4399For Isildur's Bane shall waken, 4400And the Halfling forth shall stand. 4401 -- J. R. R. Tolkien 4402% 4403She asked me, "What's your sign?" 4404I blinked and answered "Neon," 4405I thought I'd blow her mind... 4406% 4407She blinded me with science! 4408% 4409She can kill all your files; 4410She can freeze with a frown. 4411And a wave of her hand brings the whole system down. 4412And she works on her code until ten after three. 4413She lives like a bat but she's always a hacker to me. 4414 -- Apologies to Billy Joel 4415% 4416She stood on the tracks 4417Waving her arms 4418Leading me to that third rail shock 4419Quick as a wink 4420She changed her mind 4421 4422She gave me a night 4423That's all it was 4424What will it take until I stop 4425Kidding myself 4426Wasting my time 4427 4428There's nothing else I can do 4429'Cause I'm doing it all for Leyna 4430I don't want anyone new 4431'Cause I'm living it all for Leyna 4432There's nothing in it for you 4433'Cause I'm giving it all to Leyna 4434 -- Billy Joel, "All for Leyna" (Glass Houses) 4435% 4436SHIFT TO THE LEFT! 4437SHIFT TO THE RIGHT! 4438POP UP, PUSH DOWN, 4439BYTE, BYTE, BYTE! 4440% 4441Since I hurt my pendulum 4442My life is all erratic. 4443My parrot who was cordial 4444Is now transmitting static. 4445The carpet died, a palm collapsed, 4446The cat keeps doing poo. 4447The only thing that keeps me sane 4448Is talking to my shoe. 4449 -- My Shoe 4450% 4451Sing hey! for the bath at close of day 4452That washes the weary mud away! 4453A loon is he that will not sing: 4454O! Water Hot is a noble thing! 4455 4456 O! Sweet is the sound of falling rain, 4457 and the brook that leaps from hill to plain; 4458 but better than rain or rippling streams 4459 is Water Hot that smokes and steams. 4460 4461O! Water cold we may pour at need 4462down a thirsty throat and be glad indeed; 4463but better is Beer, if drink we lack, 4464and Water Hot poured down the back. 4465 4466 O! Water is fair that leaps on high 4467 in a fountain white beneath the sky; 4468 but never did fountain sound so sweet 4469 as splashing Hot Water with my feet! 4470 -- J. R. R. Tolkien 4471% 4472Snow-white! Snow-white! O Lady clear! 4473O Queen beyond the Western Sea! 4474O Light to us that wander here 4475Amid the world of woven trees! 4476 4477 Gilthoniel! O Elbereth! 4478 Clear are thy eyes and bright thy breath! 4479 Snow-white! Snow-white! We sing to thee 4480 In a far land beyond the Sea. 4481 4482O stars that in the Sunless Year 4483With shining hand by her were sown, 4484In windy fields now bright and clear 4485We see you silver blossom blown! 4486 4487 O Elbereth! Gilthoniel! 4488 We still remember, we who dwell 4489 In this far land beneath the trees, 4490 Thy starlight on the Western Seas. 4491 -- J. R. R. Tolkien 4492% 4493So much 4494depends 4495upon 4496a red 4497 4498wheel 4499barrow 4500glazed with 4501 4502rain 4503water 4504beside 4505the white 4506chickens. 4507 -- William Carlos Williams, "The Red Wheel Barrow" 4508% 4509So, you better watch out! 4510You better not cry! 4511You better not pout! 4512I'm telling you why, 4513Santa Claus is coming, to town. 4514 4515He knows when you've been sleeping, 4516He know when you're awake. 4517He knows if you've been bad or good, 4518He has ties with the CIA. 4519So... 4520% 4521So... so you think you can tell 4522Heaven from Hell? 4523Blue skies from pain? Did they get you to trade 4524Can you tell a green field Your heroes for ghosts? 4525From a cold steel rail? Hot ashes for trees? 4526A smile from a veil? Hot air for a cool breeze? 4527Do you think you can tell? Cold comfort for change? 4528 Did you exchange 4529 A walk on part in a war 4530 For the lead role in a cage? 4531 -- Pink Floyd, "Wish You Were Here" 4532% 4533Soldiers who wish to be a hero 4534Are practically zero, 4535But those who wish to be civilians, 4536They run into the millions. 4537% 4538Some of them want to use you, 4539Some of them want to be used by you, 4540...Everybody's looking for something. 4541 -- Eurythmics 4542% 4543Some primal termite knocked on wood. 4544And tasted it, and found it good. 4545And that is why your Cousin May 4546Fell through the parlor floor today. 4547 -- Ogden Nash 4548% 4549Some say the world will end in fire, 4550Some say in ice. 4551From what I've tasted of desire 4552I hold with those who favor fire. 4553But if it had to perish twice, 4554I think I know enough of hate 4555To say that for destruction, ice 4556Is also great 4557And would suffice. 4558 -- Robert Frost, "Fire and Ice" 4559% 4560Sometimes I feel like I'm fading away, 4561Looking at me, I got nothin' to say. 4562Don't make me angry with the things games that you play, 4563Either light up or leave me alone. 4564% 4565Sometimes I live in the country, 4566And sometimes I live in town. 4567And sometimes I have a great notion, 4568To jump in the river and drown. 4569% 4570Sometimes the light's all shining on me, 4571Other times I can barely see. 4572Lately it occurs to me 4573What a long strange trip it's been. 4574 -- The Grateful Dead, "American Beauty" 4575% 4576Speak roughly to your little boy, 4577 And beat him when he sneezes: 4578He only does it to annoy 4579 Because he knows it teases. 4580 Wow! wow! wow! 4581 4582I speak severely to my boy, 4583 And beat him when he sneezes: 4584For he can thoroughly enjoy 4585 The pepper when he pleases! 4586 Wow! wow! wow! 4587 -- Lewis Carrol, "Alice in Wonderland" 4588% 4589Speak roughly to your little VAX, 4590 And boot it when it crashes; 4591It knows that one cannot relax 4592 Because the paging thrashes! 4593 Wow! Wow! Wow! 4594 4595I speak severely to my VAX, 4596 And boot it when it crashes; 4597In spite of all my favorite hacks 4598 My jobs it always thrashes! 4599 Wow! Wow! Wow! 4600% 4601Spring is here, spring is here, 4602Life is skittles and life is beer. 4603% 4604St. Patrick was a gentleman 4605who through strategy and stealth 4606drove all the snakes from Ireland. 4607Here's a toasting to his health -- 4608but not too many toastings 4609lest you lose yourself and then 4610forget the good St. Patrick 4611and see all those snakes again. 4612% 4613Stayed in bed all morning just to pass the time, 4614There's something wrong here, there can be no more denying, 4615One of us is changing, or maybe we just stopped trying, 4616 4617And it's too late, baby, now, it's too late, 4618Though we really did try to make it, 4619Something inside has died and I can't hide and I just can't fake it... 4620 4621It used to be so easy living here with you, 4622You were light and breezy and I knew just what to do 4623Now you look so unhappy and I feel like a fool. 4624 4625There'll be good times again for me and you, 4626But we just can't stay together, don't you feel it too? 4627But I'm glad for what we had and that I once loved you... 4628 4629But it's too late baby... 4630It's too late, now darling, it's too late... 4631 -- Carol King, "Tapestry" 4632% 4633Step back, unbelievers! 4634Or the rain will never come. 4635Somebody keep the fire burning, someone come and beat the drum. 4636You may think I'm crazy, you may think that I'm insane, 4637But I swear to you, before this day is out, 4638 you folks are gonna see some rain! 4639% 4640Suffering alone exists, none who suffer; 4641The deed there is, but no doer thereof; 4642Nirvana is, but no one is seeking it; 4643The Path there is, but none who travel it. 4644 -- "Buddhist Symbolism", Symbols and Values 4645% 4646Sun in the night, everyone is together, 4647Ascending into the heavens, life is forever. 4648 -- Brand X, "Moroccan Roll/Sun in the Night" 4649% 4650Sweet sixteen is beautiful Bess, 4651And her voice is changing -- from "No" to "Yes". 4652% 4653System/3! System/3! 4654See how it runs! See how it runs! 4655 Its monitor loses so totally! 4656 It runs all its programs in RPG! 4657 It's made by our favorite monopoly! 4658System/3! 4659% 4660T: One big monster, he called TROLL. 4661 He don't rock, and he don't roll; 4662 Drink no wine, and smoke no stogies. 4663 He just Love To Eat Them Roguies. 4664 -- The Roguelet's ABC 4665% 4666Take a look around you, tell me what you see, 4667A girl who thinks she's ordinary lookin' she has got the key. 4668If you can get close enough to look into her eyes 4669There's something special right behind the bitterness she hides. 4670 And you're fair game, 4671 You never know what she'll decide, you're fair game, 4672 Just relax, enjoy the ride. 4673Find a way to reach her, make yourself a fool, 4674But do it with a little class, disregard the rules. 4675'Cause this one knows the bottom line, couldn't get a date. 4676The ugly duckling striking back, and she'll decide her fate. 4677 (chorus) 4678The ones you never notice are the ones you have to watch. 4679She's pleasant and she's friendly while she's looking at your crotch. 4680Try your hand at conversation, gossip is a lie, 4681And sure enough she'll take you home and make you wanna die. 4682 (chorus) 4683 -- Crosby, Stills, Nash, "Fair Game" 4684% 4685Take heart amid the deepening gloom that your dog is finally getting 4686enough cheese. 4687 -- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata" 4688% 4689Tan me hide when I'm dead, Fred, 4690Tan me hide when I'm dead. 4691So we tanned his hide when he died, Clyde, 4692It's hanging there on the shed. 4693 4694All together now... 4695 Tie me kangaroo down, sport, 4696 Tie me kangaroo down. 4697 Tie me kangaroo down, sport, 4698 Tie me kangaroo down. 4699% 4700Tell me, O Octopus, I begs, 4701Is those things arms, or is they legs? 4702I marvel at thee, Octopus; 4703If I were thou, I'd call me us. 4704 -- Ogden Nash 4705% 4706Terence, this is stupid stuff: 4707You eat your victuals fast enough; 4708There can't be much amiss, 'tis clear, 4709To see the rate you drink your beer. 4710But oh, good Lord, the verse you make, 4711It gives a chap the belly-ache. 4712The cow, the old cow, she is dead; 4713It sleeps well the horned head: 4714We poor lads, 'tis our turn now 4715To hear such tunes as killed the cow. 4716Pretty friendship 'tis to rhyme 4717Your friends to death before their time. 4718Moping, melancholy mad: 4719Come, pipe a tune to dance to, lad. 4720 -- A.E. Housman 4721% 4722That feeling just came over me. 4723 -- Albert DeSalvo, the "Boston Strangler" 4724% 4725That money talks, 4726I'll not deny, 4727I heard it once, 4728It said "Good-bye. 4729 -- Richard Armour 4730% 4731 The Advertising Agency Song 4732 4733 When your client's hopping mad, 4734 Put his picture in the ad. 4735 If he still should prove refractory, 4736 Add a picture of his factory. 4737% 4738The all-softening overpowering knell, 4739The tocsin of the soul, -- the dinner bell. 4740 -- Lord Byron 4741% 4742The bank called to tell me that I'm overdrawn, 4743Some freaks are burning crosses out on my front lawn, 4744And I *can't*believe* it, all the Cheetos are gone, 4745 It's just ONE OF THOSE DAYS! 4746 -- Weird Al Yankovic, "One of Those Days" 4747% 4748The bank sent our statement this morning, 4749The red ink was a sight of great awe! 4750Their figures and mine might have balanced, 4751But my wife was too quick on the draw. 4752% 4753The Bird of Time has but a little way to fly ... 4754and the bird is on the wing. 4755 -- Omar Khayyam 4756% 4757The boy stood on the burning deck, 4758Eating peanuts by the peck. 4759His father called him, but he could not go, 4760For he loved those peanuts so. 4761% 4762The camel has a single hump; 4763The dromedary two; 4764Or else the other way around. 4765I'm never sure. Are you? 4766 -- Ogden Nash 4767% 4768The carbonyl is polarized, 4769The delta end is plus. 4770The nucleophile will thus attack, 4771The carbon nucleus. 4772Addition makes an alcohol, 4773Of types there are but three. 4774It makes a bond, to correspond, 4775From C to shining C. 4776 -- Prof. Frank Westheimer, to "America the Beautiful" 4777% 4778The common cormorant, or shag, 4779Lays eggs inside a paper bag; 4780The reason, you will see, no doubt, 4781Is to keep the lightning out. 4782But what these unobservant birds 4783Have failed to notice is that herds 4784Of bears may come with buns 4785And steal the bags to hold the crumbs. 4786% 4787The difference between us is not very far, 4788cruising for burgers in daddy's new car. 4789% 4790The eyes of Texas are upon you, 4791All the livelong day; 4792The eyes of Texas are upon you, 4793You cannot get away; 4794Do not think you can escape them 4795From night 'til early in the morn; 4796The eyes of Texas are upon you 4797'Til Gabriel blows his horn. 4798 -- University of Texas' school song 4799% 4800The garden is in mourning; 4801The rain falls cool among the flowers. 4802Summer shivers quietly 4803On its way towards its end. 4804 4805Golden leaf after leaf 4806Falls from the tall acacia. 4807Summer smiles, astonished, feeble, 4808In this dying dream of a garden. 4809 4810For a long while, yet, in the roses, 4811She will linger on, yearning for peace, 4812And slowly 4813Close her weary eyes. 4814 -- Hermann Hesse, "September" 4815% 4816The glances over cocktails 4817That seemed to be so sweet 4818Don't seem quite so amorous 4819Over Shredded Wheat 4820% 4821The good (I am convinced, for one) 4822Is but the bad one leaves undone. 4823Once your reputation's done 4824You can live a life of fun. 4825 -- Wilhelm Busch 4826% 4827The good life was so elusive 4828It really got me down 4829I had to regain some confidence 4830So I got into camouflage 4831% 4832The good time is approaching, 4833The season is at hand. 4834When the merry click of the two-base lick 4835Will be heard throughout the land. 4836The frost still lingers on the earth, and 4837Budless are the trees. 4838But the merry ring of the voice of spring 4839Is borne upon the breeze. 4840 -- Ode to Opening Day, "The Sporting News", 1886 4841% 4842The grave's a fine and private place, 4843but none, I think, do there embrace. 4844 -- Andrew Marvell 4845% 4846The hope that springs eternal 4847Springs right up your behind. 4848 -- Ian Drury, "This Is What We Find" 4849% 4850The Junior God now heads the roll 4851In the list of heaven's peers; 4852He sits in the House of High Control, 4853And he regulates the spheres. 4854Yet does he wonder, do you suppose, 4855If, even in gods divine, 4856The best and wisest may not be those 4857Who have wallowed awhile with the swine? 4858 -- Robert W. Service 4859% 4860The ladies men admire, I've heard, 4861Would shudder at a wicked word. 4862Their candle gives a single light; 4863They'd rather stay at home at night. 4864They do not keep awake till three, 4865Nor read erotic poetry. 4866They never sanction the impure, 4867Nor recognize an overture. 4868They shrink from powders and from paints... 4869So far, I've had no complaints. 4870 -- Dorothy Parker 4871% 4872The leaves were long, the grass was green, 4873The hemlock-umbels tall and fair, 4874And in the glade a light was seen 4875Of stars in shadow shimmering. 4876Tin'uviel was dancing there 4877To music of a pipe unseen, 4878And light of stars was in her hair, 4879And in her raiment glimmering. 4880 4881There Beren came from mountains colds, 4882And lost he wandered under leaves, 4883And where the Elven-river rolled 4884He walked alone and sorrowing. 4885He peered between the hemlock-leaves 4886And saw in wonder flowers of gold 4887Upon her mantle and her sleeves, 4888And her hair like shadow following. 4889 4890Enchantment healed his weary feet 4891That over hills were doomed to roam; 4892And forth he hastened, strong and fleet, 4893And grasped at moonbeams glistening. 4894Through woven woods in Elvenhome 4895She lightly fled on dancing feet, 4896And left him lonely still to roam 4897In the silent forest listening. 4898 -- J. R. R. Tolkien 4899% 4900The lights are on, 4901but you're not home; 4902Your will 4903is not your own; 4904Your heart sweats, 4905Your teeth grind; 4906Another kiss 4907and you'll be mine... 4908 4909You like to think that you're immune to the stuff 4910(Oh Yeah!) 4911It's closer to the truth to say you can't get enough; 4912You know you're gonna have to face it, 4913You're addicted to love!" 4914 -- Robert Palmer 4915% 4916The little town that time forgot, 4917Where all the women are strong, 4918The men are good-looking, 4919And the children above-average. 4920 -- Prairie Home Companion 4921% 4922 The Lord and I are in a sheep-shepherd relationship, and I am in a position of negative need. 4923 He prostrates me in a green-belt grazing area. 4924 He conducts me directionally parallel to non-torrential aqueous liquid. 4925 He returns to original satisfaction levels my psychological makeup. 4926 He switches me on to a positive behavioral format for maximal prestige of His identity. 4927 It should indeed be said that notwithstanding the fact that I make ambulatory progress through the umbragious inter-hill mortality slot, terror sensations will no be initiated in me, due to para-etical phenomena. 4928 Your pastoral walking aid and quadrupic pickup unit introduce me into a pleasurific mood state. 4929 You design and produce a nutriment-bearing furniture-type structure in the context of non-cooperative elements. 4930 You act out a head-related folk ritual employing vegetable extract. 4931 My beverage utensil experiences a volume crisis. 4932 It is an ongoing deductible fact that your inter-relational empathetical and non-ventious capabilities will retain me as their target-focus for the duration of my non-death period, and I will possess tenant rights in the housing unit of the Lord on a permanent, open-ended time basis. 4933% 4934The makers may make 4935and the users may use, 4936but the fixers must fix 4937with but minimal clues 4938% 4939The man she had was kind and clean 4940And well enough for every day, 4941But oh, dear friends, you should have seen 4942The one that got away. 4943 -- Dorothy Parker, "The Fisherwoman" 4944% 4945The morning sun when it's in your face really shows your age, 4946But that don't bother me none; in my eyes you're everything. 4947I know I keep you amused, 4948But I feel I'm being used. 4949Oh, Maggie, I wish I'd never seen your face. 4950 4951You took me away from home, 4952Just to save you from being alone; 4953You stole my heart, and that's what really hurts. 4954 4955I suppose I could collect my books and get on back to school, 4956Or steal my daddy's cue and make a living out of playing pool, 4957Or find myself a rock 'n' roll band, 4958That needs a helping hand, 4959Oh, Maggie I wish I'd never seen your face. 4960 4961You made a first-class fool out of me, 4962But I'm as blind as a fool can be. 4963You stole my soul, and that's a pain I can do without. 4964 -- Rod Stewart, "Maggie May" 4965% 4966The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ, 4967 Moves on: nor all they Piety nor Wit 4968Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line, 4969 Nor all thy Tears wash out a Word of it. 4970% 4971The net of law is spread so wide, 4972No sinner from its sweep may hide. 4973Its meshes are so fine and strong, 4974They take in every child of wrong. 4975O wondrous web of mystery! 4976Big fish alone escape from thee! 4977 -- James Jeffrey Roche 4978% 4979The night passes quickly when you're asleep 4980But I'm out shufflin' for something to eat 4981... 4982Breakfast at the Egg House, 4983Like the waffle on the griddle, 4984I'm burnt around the edges, 4985But I'm tender in the middle. 4986 -- Adrian Belew 4987% 4988The one L lama, he's a priest 4989The two L llama, he's a beast 4990And I will bet my silk pyjama 4991There isn't any three L lllama. 4992 -- O. Nash, to which a fire chief replied that occasionally 4993 his department responded to something like a "three L lllama." 4994% 4995The Pig, if I am not mistaken, 4996Gives us ham and pork and Bacon. 4997Let others think his heart is big, 4998I think it stupid of the Pig. 4999 -- Ogden Nash 5000% 5001The Poet Whose Badness Saved His Life 5002 The most important poet in the seventeenth century was George Wither. Alexander Pope called him "wretched Wither" and Dryden said of his verse that "if they rhymed and rattled all was well". 5003 In our own time, "The Dictionary of National Biography" notes that his work "is mainly remarkable for its mass, fluidity and flatness. It usually lacks any genuine literary quality and often sinks into imbecile doggerel". 5004 High praise, indeed, and it may tempt you to savour a typically rewarding stanza: It is taken from "I loved a lass" and is concerned with 5005the higher emotions. 5006 She would me "Honey" call, 5007 She'd -- O she'd kiss me too. 5008 But now alas! She's left me 5009 Falero, lero, loo. 5010 Among other details of his mistress which he chose to immortalize was her prudent choice of footwear. 5011 The fives did fit her shoe. 5012 In 1639 the great poet's life was endangered after his capture by the Royalists during the English Civil War. When Sir John Denham, the Royalist poet, heard of Wither's imminent execution, he went to the King and begged that his life be spared. When asked his reason, Sir John replied, "Because that so long as Wither lived, Denham would not be accounted the worst poet in England." 5013 -- Stephen Pile, "The Book of Heroic Failures" 5014% 5015The Rabbits The Cow 5016Here is a verse about rabbits The cow is of the bovine ilk; 5017That doesn't mention their habits. One end is moo, the other, milk. 5018 -- Ogden Nash 5019% 5020The rain it raineth on the just 5021 And also on the unjust fella, 5022But chiefly on the just, because 5023 The unjust steals the just's umbrella. 5024 -- Lord Bowen 5025% 5026The rhino is a homely beast, 5027For human eyes he's not a feast. 5028Farewell, farewell, you old rhinoceros, 5029I'll stare at something less prepoceros. 5030 -- Ogden Nash 5031% 5032The Road goes ever on and on 5033Down from the door where it began. 5034Now far ahead the Road has gone, 5035And I must follow, if I can, 5036Pursuing it with eager feet, 5037Until it joins some larger way 5038Where many paths and errands meet. 5039And whither then? I cannot say. 5040 -- J. R. R. Tolkien 5041% 5042The smiling Spring comes in rejoicing, 5043And surly Winter grimly flies. 5044Now crystal clear are the falling waters, 5045And bonnie blue are the sunny skies. 5046Fresh o'er the mountains breaks forth the morning, 5047The ev'ning gilds the oceans's swell: 5048All creatures joy in the sun's returning, 5049And I rejoice in my bonnie Bell. 5050 5051The flowery Spring leads sunny Summer, 5052The yellow Autumn presses near; 5053Then in his turn come gloomy Winter, 5054Till smiling Spring again appear. 5055Thus seasons dancing, life advancing, 5056Old Time and Nature their changes tell; 5057But never ranging, still unchanging, 5058I adore my bonnie Bell. 5059 -- Robert Burns, "My Bonnie Bell" 5060% 5061The soldier came knocking upon the queen's door. 5062He said, "I am not fighting for you any more." 5063The queen knew she had seen his face someplace before, 5064And slowly she let him inside. 5065 5066He said, "I see you now, and you're so very young, 5067But I've seen more battles lost than I have battles won, 5068And I have this intuition that it's all for your fun. 5069And now will you tell me why?" 5070 -- Suzanne Vega, "The Queen and The Soldier" 5071% 5072The sounds of the nouns are mostly unbound. 5073In town a noun might wear a gown, 5074or further down, might dress a clown. 5075A noun that's sound would never clown, 5076but unsound nouns jump up and down. 5077The sound of a noun could distrub the plowing, 5078and then, my dear, you'd be put in the pound. 5079But please don't let that get you down, 5080the renown of your gown is the talk of the town. 5081 -- A. Nonnie Mouse 5082% 5083The street preacher looked so baffled 5084When I asked him why he dressed 5085With forty pounds of headlines 5086Stapled to his chest. 5087But he cursed me when I proved to him 5088I said, "Not even you can hide. 5089You see, you're just like me. 5090I hope you're satisfied." 5091 -- Bob Dylan 5092% 5093The sun was shining on the sea, 5094Shining with all his might: 5095He did his very best to make 5096The billows smooth and bright -- 5097And this was very odd, because it was 5098The middle of the night. 5099 -- Lewis Carroll, "Through the Looking Glass" 5100% 5101The Thought Police are here. They've come 5102To put you under cardiac arrest. 5103And as they drag you through the door 5104They tell you that you've failed the test. 5105 -- Buggles, "Living in the Plastic Age" 5106% 5107The thrill is here, but it won't last long 5108You'd better have your fun before it moves along... 5109% 5110The trouble with a kitten is that 5111When it grows up, it's always a cat 5112 -- Ogden Nash. 5113% 5114The trouble with you 5115Is the trouble with me. 5116Got two good eyes 5117But we still don't see. 5118 -- Robert Hunter, "Workingman's Dead" 5119% 5120The truth you speak has no past and no future. 5121It is, and that's all it needs to be. 5122% 5123The wind doth taste so bitter sweet, 5124 Like Jaspar wine and sugar, 5125It must have blown through someone's feet, 5126 Like those of Caspar Weinberger. 5127 -- P. Opus 5128% 5129The wombat lives across the seas, 5130Among the far Antipodes. 5131He may exist on nuts and berries, 5132Or then again, on missionaries; 5133His distant habitat precludes 5134Conclusive knowledge of his moods. 5135But I would not engage the wombat 5136In any form of mortal combat. 5137 -- "The Wombat" 5138% 5139The Worst American Poet 5140 Julia Moore, "the Sweet Singer of Michigan" (1847-1920) was so bad that Mark Twain said her first book gave him joy for 20 years. 5141 Her verse was mainly concerned with violent death -- the great fire of Chicago and the yellow fever epidemic proved natural subjects for her pen. 5142 Whether death was by drowning, by fits or by runaway sleigh, the formula was the same: 5143 Have you heard of the dreadful fate 5144 Of Mr. P.P. Bliss and wife? 5145 Of their death I will relate, 5146 And also others lost their life 5147 (in the) Ashbula Bridge disaster, 5148 Where so many people died. 5149 Even if you started out reasonably healthy in one of Julia's poems, the chances are that after a few stanzas you would be at the bottom of a river or struck by lightning. A critic of the day said she was "worse than a Gatling gun" and in one slim volume counted 21 killed and 9 wounded. 5150 Incredibly, some newspapers were critical of her work, even suggesting that the sweet singer was "semi-literate". Her reply was 5151forthright: "The Editors that has spoken in this scandalous manner have went beyond reason." She added that "literary work is very difficult to do". 5152 -- Stephen Pile, "The Book of Heroic Failures" 5153% 5154 The Worst Lines of Verse 5155For a start, we can rule out James Grainger's promising line: 5156 "Come, muse, let us sing of rats." 5157Grainger (1721-67) did not have the courage of his convictions and deleted these words on discovering that his listeners dissolved into spontaneous laughter the instant they were read out. 5158 No such reluctance afflicted Adam Lindsay Gordon (1833-70) who was inspired by the subject of war. 5159 "Flash! flash! bang! bang! and we blazed away, 5160 And the grey roof reddened and rang; 5161 Flash! flash! and I felt his bullet flay 5162 The tip of my ear. Flash! bang!" 5163By contrast, Cheshire cheese provoked John Armstrong (1709-79): 5164 "... that which Cestria sends, tenacious paste of solid milk..." 5165While John Bidlake was guided by a compassion for vegetables: 5166 "The sluggard carrot sleeps his day in bed, 5167 The crippled pea alone that cannot stand." 5168George Crabbe (1754-1832) wrote: 5169 "And I was ask'd and authorized to go 5170 To seek the firm of Clutterbuck and Co." 5171William Balmford explored the possibilities of religious verse: 5172 "So 'tis with Christians, Nature being weak 5173 While in this world, are liable to leak." 5174And William Wordsworth showed that he could do it if he really tried when describing a pond: 5175 "I've measured it from side to side; 5176 Tis three feet long and two feet wide." 5177 -- Stephen Pile, "The Book of Heroic Failures" 5178% 5179The young lady had an unusual list, 5180Linked in part to a structural weakness. 5181She set no preconditions. 5182% 5183The, uh, snowy mountains are like really cold, eh? 5184And the, um, plains stretch out like my moms girdle, eh? 5185There's lotsa beers and doughnuts for everyone, eh? 5186So the last one to be peaceful and everything is a big idiot, Eh? 5187So shut yer face up and dry yer mucklucks by the fire, eh? 5188And dream about girls with their high beams on, eh? 5189They may be cold, but that's okay! Beer's better that way! Eh? 5190 -- A, like, Tribute to the Great White North, eh? 5191Beauty! 5192% 5193Then here's to the City of Boston, 5194The town of the cries and the groans. 5195Where the Cabots can't see the Kabotschniks, 5196And the Lowells won't speak to the Cohns. 5197 -- Franklin Pierce Adams 5198% 5199There are bad times just around the corner, 5200There are dark clouds hurtling through the sky 5201 And it's no good whining 5202 About a silver lining 5203For we know from experience that they won't roll by... 5204 -- Noel Coward 5205% 5206There are places I'll remember 5207All my life though some have changed. 5208Some forever not for better 5209Some have gone and some remain. 5210All these places had their moments 5211With lovers and friends I still recall. 5212Some are dead and some are living, 5213In my life I've loved them all. 5214 5215But of all these friends and lovers, 5216There is no one compared with you, 5217All these memories lose their meaning 5218When I think of love as something new. 5219Though I know I'll never lose affection 5220For people and things that went before, 5221I know I'll often stop and think about them 5222In my life I'll love you more. 5223 -- Lennon/McCartney, "In My Life", 1965 5224% 5225There are strange things done in the midnight sun 5226 By the men who moil for gold; 5227The Arctic trails have their secret tales 5228 That would make your blood run cold; 5229The Northern Lights have seen queer sights, 5230 But the queerest they ever did see 5231Was that night on the marge of Lake Lebarge 5232 I cremated Sam McGee. 5233 -- Robert W. Service 5234% 5235There is in certain living souls 5236A quality of loneliness unspeakable, 5237So great it must be shared 5238As company is shared by lesser beings. 5239Such a loneliness is mine; so know by this 5240That in immensity 5241There is one lonelier than you. 5242% 5243There is no point in waiting. 5244The train stopped running years ago. 5245All the schedules, the brochures, 5246The bright-colored posters full of lies, 5247Promise rides to a distant country 5248That no longer exists. 5249% 5250There is something in the pang of change 5251More than the heart can bear, 5252Unhappiness remembering happiness. 5253 -- Euripides 5254% 5255There once was a Sailor who looked through a glass 5256And spied a fair mermaid with scales on her... island. 5257Where seagulls flew over their nest. 5258She combed the long hair which hung over her... shoulders. 5259And caused her to tickle and itch. 5260The sailor cried out "There's a beautiful... mermaid. 5261A sittin' out there on the rocks." 5262The crew came a running, all grabbing their... glasses. 5263And crowded four deep to the rail. 5264All eager to share in this fine piece of... news. 5265... 5266"Throw out a line and we'll lasso her... flippers. 5267And soon we will certainly find 5268If mermaids are better before or be... brave 5269My dear fellows," The captain cried out. 5270And cursing with spleen. 5271This song may be dull, but it's certainly clean. 5272 -- "The Clean Song", Oscar Brandt 5273% 5274There was a little girl 5275Who had a little curl 5276Right in the middle of her forehead. 5277When she was good, she was very, very good 5278And when she was bad, she was very, very popular. 5279 -- Max Miller, "The Max Miller Blue Book" 5280% 5281There's a lesson that I need to remember 5282When everything is falling apart 5283In life, just like in loving 5284There's such a thing as trying to hard 5285 5286You've gotta sing 5287Like you don't need the money 5288Love like you'll never get hurt 5289You've gotta dance 5290Like nobody's watching 5291It's gotta come from the heart 5292If you want it to work. 5293 -- Kathy Mattea 5294% 5295There's a thrill in store for all for we're about to toast 5296The corporation that we represent. 5297We're here to cheer each pioneer and also proudly boast, 5298Of that man of men our sterling president 5299The name of T.J. Watson means 5300A courage none can stem 5301And we feel honored to be here to toast the IBM. 5302 -- Ever Onward, from the 1940 IBM Songbook 5303% 5304There's amnesia in a hangknot, 5305And comfort in the ax, 5306But the simple way of poison will make your nerves relax. 5307 There's surcease in a gunshot, 5308 And sleep that comes from racks, 5309 But a handy draft of poison avoids the harshest tax. 5310You find rest on the hot squat, 5311Or gas can give you pax, 5312But the closest corner chemist has peace in packaged stacks. 5313 There's refuge in the church lot 5314 When you tire of facing facts, 5315 And the smoothest route is poison prescribed by kindly quacks. 5316Chorus: With an *ugh!* and a groan, and a kick of the heels, 5317 Death comes quiet, or it comes with squeals -- 5318 But the pleasantest place to find your end 5319 Is a cup of cheer from the hand of a friend. 5320 -- Jubal Harshaw, "One For The Road" 5321% 5322They told me you had proven it When they discovered our results 5323 About a month before. Their hair began to curl 5324The proof was valid, more or less Instead of understanding it 5325 But rather less than more. We'd run the thing through PRL. 5326 5327He sent them word that we would try Don't tell a soul about all this 5328 To pass where they had failed For it must ever be 5329And after we were done, to them A secret, kept from all the rest 5330 The new proof would be mailed. Between yourself and me. 5331 5332My notion was to start again 5333 Ignoring all they'd done 5334We quickly turned it into code 5335 To see if it would run. 5336% 5337They went rushing down that freeway, 5338Messed around and got lost. 5339They didn't care... they were just dying to get off, 5340And it was life in the fast lane. 5341 -- Eagles, "Life in the Fast Lane" 5342% 5343They wouldn't listen to the fact that I was a genius, 5344The man said "We got all that we can use", 5345So I've got those steadily-depressin', low-down, mind-messin', 5346Working-at-the-car-wash blues. 5347 -- Jim Croce 5348% 5349Thinks't thou existence doth depend on time? 5350It doth; but actions are our epochs; mine 5351Have made my days and nights imperishable, 5352Endless, and all alike, as sands on the shore, 5353Innumerable atoms; and one desert, 5354Barren and cold, on which the wild waves break, 5355But nothing rests, save carcasses and wrecks, 5356Rocks, and the salt-surf weeds of bitterness. 5357% 5358"Thirty days hath Septober, 5359April, June, and no wonder. 5360all the rest have peanut butter 5361except my father who wears red suspenders." 5362% 5363Thirty white horses on a red hill, 5364First they champ, 5365Then they stamp, 5366Then they stand still. 5367 -- Tolkien 5368% 5369This ae nighte, this ae nighte, 5370Everye nighte and alle, 5371Fire and sleet and candlelyte, 5372And Christe receive thy saule. 5373 -- The Lykewake Dirge 5374% 5375This here's the wattle, 5376The emblem of our land. 5377You can stick it in a bottle; 5378You can hold it in your hand. 5379Amen! 5380 -- Monty Python 5381% 5382This is for all ill-treated fellows 5383 Unborn and unbegot, 5384For them to read when they're in trouble 5385 And I am not. 5386 -- A. E. Housman 5387% 5388This is the way the world ends, 5389This is the way the world ends, 5390This is the way the world ends, 5391Not with a bang but with a whimper. 5392 -- T.S. Eliot, "The Hollow Men" 5393% 5394This land is my land, and only my land, 5395I've got a shotgun, and you ain't got one, 5396If you don't get off, I'll blow your head off, 5397This land is private property. 5398 -- Apologies to Woody Guthrie 5399% 5400This thing all things devours: 5401Birds, beasts, trees, flowers; 5402Gnaws iron, bites steel; 5403Grinds hard stones to meal; 5404Slays king, ruins town, 5405And beats high mountain down. 5406% 5407Those who sweat in flames of Hell, Leaden eared, some thought their bowels 5408Here's the reason that they fell: Lispeth forth the sweetest vowels. 5409While on earth they prayed in SAS, These they offered up in praise 5410PL/1, or other crass, Thinking all this fetid haze 5411Vulgar tongue. A rapsody sung. 5412 5413Some the lord did sorely try Jabber of the mindless horde 5414Assembling all their pleas in hex. Sequel next did mock the lord 5415Speech as crabbed as devil's crable Slothful sequel so enfangled 5416Hex that marked on Tower Babel Its speaker's lips became entangled 5417The highest rung. In his bung. 5418 5419Because in life they prayed so ill 5420And offered god such swinish swill 5421Now they sweat in flames of Hell 5422Sweat from lack of APL 5423Sweat dung! 5424% 5425Though I respect that a lot 5426I'd be fired if that were my job 5427After killing Jason off and 5428Countless screaming argonauts 5429 5430Bluebird of friendliness 5431Like guardian angels it's 5432Always near 5433 5434Blue canary in the outlet by the light switch 5435Who watches over you 5436Make a little birdhouse in your soul 5437Not to put too fine a point on it 5438Say I'm the only bee in your bonnet 5439Make a little birdhouse in your soul 5440 -- "Birdhouse in your Soul", They Might Be Giants 5441% 5442Three Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky, 5443Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone, 5444Nine for Mortal Men doomed to die, 5445One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne 5446In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie. 5447One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them, 5448One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them 5449In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie. 5450 -- J.R.R. Tolkien, "The Lord of the Rings" 5451% 5452Throw away documentation and manuals, 5453and users will be a hundred times happier. 5454Throw away privileges and quotas, 5455and users will do the Right Thing. 5456Throw away proprietary and site licenses, 5457and there won't be any pirating. 5458 5459If these three aren't enough, 5460just stay at your home directory 5461and let all processes take their course. 5462% 5463Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day 5464Fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way 5465Kicking around on a piece of ground in your hometown 5466Waiting for someone or something to show you the way 5467 5468Tired of lying in the sunshine And then one day you find 5469Staying home to watch the rain Ten years have got behind you 5470You are young and life is long No one told you when to run 5471And there is time to kill today You missed the starting gun 5472 5473And you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking 5474And racing around to come up behind you again 5475The sun is the same in a relative way but you're older 5476Shorter of breath and one day closer to death 5477 5478Every year is getting shorter Hanging on in quiet desperation 5479 is the English way 5480Never seem to find the time The time is gone, the song is over 5481Plans that either come to nought Thought I'd something more to say... 5482Or half a page of scribbled lines 5483 -- Pink Floyd, "Time" 5484% 5485Tiger got to hunt, 5486Bird got to fly; 5487Man got to sit and wonder, "Why, why, why?" 5488 5489Tiger got to sleep, 5490Bird got to land; 5491Man got to tell himself he understand. 5492 -- The Books of Bokonon 5493% 5494Tim and I a hunting went 5495We found three damsels in a tent, 5496As they were three, and we were two, 5497I bucked one and Timbuktu. 5498 -- the only known poem using the word "Timbuktu" 5499% 5500Time goes, you say? 5501Ah no! 5502Time stays, *we* go. 5503 -- Austin Dobson 5504% 5505Time washes clean 5506Love's wounds unseen. 5507That's what someone told me; 5508But I don't know what it means. 5509 -- Linda Ronstadt, "Long Long Time" 5510% 5511 To A Quick Young Fox 5512Why jog exquisite bulk, fond crazy vamp, 5513Daft buxom jonquil, zephyr's gawky vice? 5514Guy fed by work, quiz Jove's xanthic lamp-- 5515Zow! Qualms by deja vu gyp fox-kin thrice. 5516 -- Lazy Dog 5517% 5518to be nobody but yourself in a world 5519which is doing its best night and day 5520to make you like everybody else 5521means to fight the hardest battle 5522any human being can fight and 5523never stop fighting. 5524 -- e.e. cummings 5525% 5526To err is human, 5527To purr feline. 5528 -- Robert Byrne 5529% 5530To err is human, to purr feline. 5531To err is human, two curs canine. 5532To err is human, to moo bovine. 5533% 5534To everything there is a season, a time for every pupose under heaven: 5535A time to be born, and a time to die; 5536A time to plant, and a time to pluck what is planted; 5537A time to kill, and a time to heal; 5538A time to break down, and a time to build up; 5539A time to weep, and a time to laugh; 5540A time to mourn, and a time to dance; 5541A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones; 5542A time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; 5543A time to gain, and a time to lose; 5544A time to keep, and a time to throw away; 5545A time to tear, and a time to sew; 5546A time to keep silence, and a time to speak; 5547A time to love, and a time to hate; 5548A time of war, and a time of peace. 5549 Ecclesiastes 3:1-9 5550% 5551To whom the mornings are like nights, 5552What must the midnights be! 5553 -- Emily Dickinson (on hacking?) 5554% 5555Tobacco is a filthy weed, 5556That from the devil does proceed; 5557It drains your purse, it burns your clothes, 5558And makes a chimney of your nose. 5559 -- B. Waterhouse 5560% 5561Too cool to calypso, 5562Too tough to tango, 5563Too weird to watusi 5564 -- The Only Ones 5565% 5566Troll sat alone on his seat of stone, 5567And munched and mumbled a bare old bone; 5568For many a year he had gnawed it near, 5569For meat was hard to come by. 5570 Done by! Gum by! 5571In a cave in the hills he dwelt alone, 5572And meat was hard to come by. 5573 5574Up came Tom with his big boots on. 5575Said he to Troll: "Pray, what is youn? 5576For it looks like the shin o' my nuncle Tim, 5577As should be a-lyin in graveyard. 5578 Caveyard! Paveyard! 5579This many a year has Tim been gone, 5580And I thought he were lyin' in graveyard." 5581 5582"My lad," said Troll, "this bone I stole. 5583But what be bones that lie in a hole? 5584Thy nuncle was dead as a lump o' lead, 5585Afore I found his shinbone. 5586 Tinbone! Thinbone! 5587He can spare a share for a poor old troll 5588For he don't need his shinbone." 5589 5590Said Tom: "I don't see why the likes o' thee 5591Without axin' leave should go makin' free 5592With the shank or the shin o' my father's kin; 5593So hand the old bone over! 5594 Rover! Trover! 5595Though dead he be, it belongs to he; 5596So hand the old bnone over!" 5597 -- J. R. R. Tolkien 5598% 5599Try not. 5600Do. 5601Or do not. 5602There is no try. 5603% 5604"Twas bergen and the eirie road 5605Did mahwah into patterson: "Beware the Hopatcong, my son! 5606All jersey were the ocean groves, The teeth that bite, the nails 5607And the red bank bayonne. that claw! 5608 Beware the bound brook bird, and shun 5609He took his belmar blade in hand: The kearney communipaw." 5610Long time the folsom foe he sought 5611Till rested he by a bayway tree And, as in nutley thought he stood, 5612And stood a while in thought. The Hopatcong with eyes of flame, 5613 Came whippany through the englewood, 5614One, two, one, two, and through And garfield as it came. 5615 and through 5616The belmar blade went hackensack! "And hast thou slain the Hopatcong? 5617He left it dead and with it's head Come to my arms, my perth amboy! 5618He went weehawken back. Hohokus day! Soho! Rahway!" 5619 He caldwell in his joy. 5620Did mahwah into patterson: 5621All jersey were the ocean groves, 5622And the red bank bayonne. 5623 -- Paul Kieffer 5624% 5625'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves 5626Did gyre and gimble in the wabe. "Beware the Jabberwock, my son! 5627All mimsy were the borogroves The jaws that bite, the claws 5628And the mome raths outgrabe. that catch! 5629 Beware the Jubjub bird, 5630He took his vorpal sword in hand And shun the frumious Bandersnatch!" 5631Long time the manxome foe he sought. 5632So rested he by the tumtum tree And as in uffish thought he stood 5633And stood awhile in thought. The Jabberwock, with eyes aflame 5634 Came whuffling through the tulgey wood 5635One! Two! One! Two! And through and And burbled as it came! 5636 through 5637The vorpal blade went snicker-snack. "Hast thou slain the Jabberwock? 5638He left it dead, and took its head, Come to my arms, my beamish boy! 5639And went galumphing back. Oh frabjous day! Calooh! Callay!" 5640 He chortled in his joy. 5641'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves 5642Did gyre and gimble in the wabe. 5643All mimsy were the borogroves 5644And the mome raths outgrabe. 5645 -- Lewis Carroll, "Jabberwocky" 5646% 5647'Twas bullig, and the slithy brokers 5648Did buy and gamble in the craze "Beware the Jabberstock, my son! 5649All rosy were the Dow Jones stokers The cost that bites, the worth 5650By market's wrath unphased. that falls! 5651 Beware the Econ'mist's word, and shun 5652He took his forecast sword in hand: The spurious Street o' Walls!" 5653Long time the Boesk'some foe he sought - 5654Sake's liquidity, so d'vested he, And as in bearish thought he stood 5655And stood awhile in thought. The Jabberstock, with clothes of tweed, 5656 Came waffling with the truth too good, 5657Chip Black! Chip Blue! And through And yuppied great with greed! 5658 and through 5659The forecast blade went snicker-snack! "And hast thou slain the Jabberstock? 5660It bit the dirt, and with its shirt, Come to my firm, V.P.ish boy! 5661He went rebounding back. O big bucks day! Moolah! Good Play!" 5662 He bought him a Mercedes Toy. 5663'Twas panic, and the slithy brokers 5664Did gyre and tumble in the Crash 5665All flimsy were the Dow Jones stokers 5666And mammon's wrath them bash! 5667 -- Peter Stucki, "Jabberstocky" 5668% 5669Twas FORTRAN as the doloop goes 5670 Did logzerneg the ifthen block 5671All kludgy were the function flows 5672 And subroutines adhoc. 5673 5674Beware the runtime-bug my friend 5675 squrooneg, the false goto 5676Beware the infiniteloop 5677 And shun the inprectoo. 5678 -- "OUTCONERR," to the scheme of "Jabberwocky" 5679% 5680'Twas midnight on the ocean, Her children all were orphans, 5681Not a streetcar was in sight, Except one a tiny tot, 5682So I stepped into a cigar store Who had a home across the way 5683To ask them for a light. Above a vacant lot. 5684 5685The man behind the counter As I gazed through the oaken door 5686Was a woman, old and gray, A whale went drifting by, 5687Who used to peddle doughnuts Its six legs hanging in the air, 5688On the road to Mandalay. So I kissed her goodbye. 5689 5690She said "Good morning, stranger", This story has a morale 5691Her eyes were dry with tears, As you can plainly see, 5692As she put her head between her feet Don't mix your gin with whiskey 5693And stood that way for years. On the deep and dark blue sea. 5694 -- Midnight On The Ocean 5695% 5696'Twas midnight, and the UNIX hacks 5697Did gyre and gimble in their cave 5698All mimsy was the CS-VAX 5699And Cory raths outgrabe. 5700 5701"Beware the software rot, my son! 5702The faults that bite, the jobs that thrash! 5703Beware the broken pipe, and shun 5704The frumious system crash!" 5705% 5706'Twas the night before crisis, and all through the house, 5707 Not a program was working not even a browse. 5708The programmers were wrung out too mindless to care, 5709 Knowing chances of cutover hadn't a prayer. 5710The users were nestled all snug in their beds, 5711 While visions of inquiries danced in their heads. 5712When out in the lobby there arose such a clatter, 5713 I sprang from my tube to see what was the matter. 5714And what to my wondering eyes should appear, 5715 But a Super Programmer, oblivious to fear. 5716More rapid than eagles, his programs they came, 5717 And he whistled and shouted and called them by name; 5718On Update! On Add! On Inquiry! On Delete! 5719 On Batch Jobs! On Closing! On Functions Complete! 5720His eyes were glazed over, his fingers were lean, 5721 From Weekends and nights in front of a screen. 5722A wink of his eye, and a twist of his head, 5723 Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread... 5724 -- "Twas the Night before Crisis" 5725% 5726'Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period 5727 preceding the annual Yuletide celebration, And 5728 throughout our place of residence, 5729Kinetic activity was not in evidence among the 5730 possessors of this potential, including that 5731 species of domestic rodent known as Mus musculus. 5732Hosiery was meticulously suspended from the forward 5733 edge of the woodburning caloric apparatus, 5734Pursuant to our anticipatory pleasure regarding an 5735 imminent visitation from an eccentric 5736 philanthropist among whose folkloric appelations 5737 is the honorific title of St. Nicklaus ... 5738% 5739Twenty two thousand days. 5740Twenty two thousand days. 5741It's not a lot. 5742It's all you've got. 5743Twenty two thousand days. 5744 -- Moody Blues, "Twenty Two Thousand Days" 5745% 5746 Two men looked out from the prison bars, 5747 One saw mud-- 5748 The other saw stars. 5749 5750Now let me get this right: two prisoners are looking out the window. 5751While one of them was looking at all the mud -- the other one got hit 5752in the head. 5753% 5754Tyger, Tyger, burning bright Where the hammer? Where the chain? 5755In the forests of the night, In what furnace was thy brain? 5756What immortal hand or eye What the anvil? What dread grasp 5757Dare frame thy fearful symmetry? Dare its deadly terrors clasp? 5758 5759Burnt in distant deeps or skies When the stars threw down their spears 5760The cruel fire of thine eyes? And water'd heaven with their tears 5761On what wings dare he aspire? Dare he laugh his work to see? 5762What the hand dare seize the fire? Dare he who made the lamb make thee? 5763 5764And what shoulder & what art Tyger, Tyger, burning bright 5765Could twist the sinews of they heart? In the forests of the night, 5766And when thy heart began to beat What immortal hand or eye 5767What dread hand & what dread feet Dare frame thy fearful symmetry? 5768 5769Could fetch it from the furnace deep 5770And in thy horrid ribs dare steep 5771In the well of sanguine woe? 5772In what clay & in what mould 5773Were thy eyes of fury roll'd? 5774 -- William Blake, "The Tyger" 5775% 5776U: There's a U -- a Unicorn! 5777 Run right up and rub its horn. 5778 Look at all those points you're losing! 5779 UMBER HULKS are so confusing. 5780 -- The Roguelet's ABC 5781% 5782Under the wide and heavy VAX 5783Dig my grave and let me relax 5784Long have I lived, and many my hacks 5785And I lay me down with a will. 5786These be the words that tell the way: 5787"Here he lies who piped 64K, 5788Brought down the machine for nearly a day, 5789And Rogue playing to an awful standstill." 5790% 5791Under the wide and starry sky, 5792Dig my grave and let me lie, 5793Glad did I live and gladly die, 5794And laid me down with a will, 5795And this be the verse that you grave for me, 5796Here he lies where he longed to be, 5797Home is the sailor home from the sea, 5798And the hunter home from the hill. 5799 -- R. Kipling 5800% 5801Upon the hearth the fire is red, 5802Beneath the roof there is a bed; 5803But not yet weary are our feet, 5804Still round the corner we may meet 5805A sudden tree or standing stone 5806That none have seen but we alone. Still round the corner there may wait 5807 Tree and flower and leaf and grass, A new road or a secret gate, 5808 Let them pass! Let them pass! And though we pass them by today 5809 Hill and water under sky, Tomorrow we may come this way 5810 Pass them by! Pass them by! And take the hidden paths that run 5811 Towards the Moon or to the Sun, 5812Home is behind, the world ahead, Apple, thorn, and nut and sloe, 5813And there are many paths to tread Let them go! Let them go! 5814Through shadows to the edge of night, Sand and stone and pool and dell, 5815Until the stars are all alight. Fare you well! Fare you well! 5816Then world behind and home ahead, 5817We'll wander back to home and bed. 5818 Mist and twilight, cloud and shade, 5819 Away shall fade! Away shall fade! 5820 Fire and lamp, and meat and bread, 5821 And then to bed! And then to bed! 5822 -- J. R. R. Tolkien 5823% 5824Voicless it cries, 5825Wingless flutters, 5826Toothless bites, 5827Mouthless mutters. 5828% 5829Volcanoes have a grandeur that is grim 5830And earthquakes only terrify the dolts, 5831And to him who's scientific 5832There is nothing that's terrific 5833In the pattern of a flight of thunderbolts! 5834 -- W.S. Gilbert, "The Mikado" 5835% 5836Wad some power the giftie gie us 5837To see oursels as others see us. 5838 -- R. Browning 5839% 5840Wake now my merry lads! Wake and hear me calling! 5841Warm now be heart and limb! The cold stone is fallen; 5842Dark door is standing wide; dead hand is broken. 5843Night under Night is flown, and the Gate is open! 5844 -- J. R. R. Tolkien 5845% 5846Wake up all you citizens, hear your country's call, 5847Not to arms and violence, But peace for one and all. 5848Crush out hate and prejudice, fear and greed and sin, 5849Help bring back her dignity, restore her faith again. 5850 5851Work hard for a common cause, don't let our country fall. 5852Make her proud and strong again, democracy for all. 5853Yes, make our country strong again, keep our flag unfurled. 5854Make our country well again, respected by the world. 5855 5856Make her whole and beautiful, work from sun to sun. 5857Stand tall and labor side by side, because there's so much to be done. 5858Yes, make her whole and beautiful, united strong and free, 5859Wake up, all you citizens, It's up to you and me. 5860 -- Pansy Myers Schroeder 5861% 5862Wanna tell you all a story 'bout a man named Jed, 5863A poor mountaineer, barely kept his family fed. 5864But then one day he was shootin' at some food, 5865When up through the ground come a bubblin' crude -- oil, that is; 5866 black gold; 'Texas tea' ... 5867 5868Well the next thing ya know, old Jed's a millionaire. 5869The kinfolk said, 'Jed, move away from there!' 5870They said, 'Californy is the place ya oughta be', 5871So they loaded up the truck and they moved to Beverly -- Hills, that is; 5872 swimmin' pools; movie stars. 5873% 5874Was there a time when dancers with their fiddles 5875In children's circuses could stay their troubles? 5876There was a time they could cry over books, 5877But time has set its maggot on their track. 5878Under the arc of the sky they are unsafe. 5879What's never known is safest in this life. 5880Under the skysigns they who have no arms 5881Have cleanest hands, and, as the heartless ghost 5882Alone's unhurt, so the blind man sees best. 5883 -- Dylan Thomas, "Was There A Time" 5884% 5885We don't need no education, we don't need no thought control. 5886 -- Pink Floyd 5887% 5888We don't need no indirection We don't need no compilation 5889We don't need no flow control We don't need no load control 5890No data typing or declarations No link edit for external bindings 5891Hey! did you leave the lists alone? Hey! did you leave that source alone? 5892Chorus: (Chorus) 5893 Oh No. It's just a pure LISP function call. 5894 5895We don't need no side-effecting We don't need no allocation 5896We don't need no flow control We don't need no special-nodes 5897No global variables for execution No dark bit-flipping for debugging 5898Hey! did you leave the args alone? Hey! did you leave those bits alone? 5899(Chorus) (Chorus) 5900 -- "Another Glitch in the Call", a la Pink Floyd 5901% 5902We gotta get out of this place, 5903If it's the last thing we ever do. 5904 -- The Animals 5905% 5906we will invent new lullabies, new songs, new acts of love, 5907we will cry over things we used to laugh & 5908our new wisdom will bring tears to eyes of gentle 5909creatures from other planets who were afraid of us till then & 5910in the end a summer with wild winds & 5911new friends will be. 5912% 5913We wish you a Hare Krishna 5914We wish you a Hare Krishna 5915We wish you a Hare Krishna 5916And a Sun Myung Moon! 5917 -- Maxwell Smart 5918% 5919We're happy little Vegemites, 5920 As bright as bright can be. 5921We all all enjoy our Vegemite 5922 For breakfast, lunch and tea. 5923% 5924We're Knights of the Round Table 5925We dance whene'er we're able 5926We do routines and chorus scenes We're knights of the Round Table 5927With footwork impeccable Our shows are formidable 5928We dine well here in Camelot But many times 5929We eat ham and jam and Spam a lot. We're given rhymes 5930 That are quite unsingable 5931In war we're tough and able, We're opera mad in Camelot 5932Quite indefatigable We sing from the diaphragm a lot. 5933Between our quests 5934We sequin vests 5935And impersonate Clark Gable 5936It's a busy life in Camelot. 5937I have to push the pram a lot. 5938 -- Monty Python 5939% 5940We've tried each spinning space mote 5941And reckoned its true worth: 5942Take us back again to the homes of men 5943On the cool, green hills of Earth. 5944 5945The arching sky is calling 5946Spacemen back to their trade. 5947All hands! Standby! Free falling! 5948And the lights below us fade. 5949Out ride the sons of Terra, 5950Far drives the thundering jet, 5951Up leaps the race of Earthmen, 5952Out, far, and onward yet-- 5953 5954We pray for one last landing 5955On the globe that gave us birth; 5956Let us rest our eyes on the fleecy skies 5957And the cool, green hills of Earth. 5958 -- Robert A. Heinlein, 1941 5959% 5960Welcome back, my friends, to the show that never ends! 5961We're so glad you could attend, come inside, come inside! 5962There behind the glass there's a real blade of grass, 5963Be careful as you pass, move along, move along. 5964Come inside, the show's about to start, 5965Guaranteed to blow your head apart. 5966Rest assured, you'll get your money's worth, 5967Greatest show, in Heaven, Hell or Earth! 5968You gotta see the show! It's a dynamo! 5969You gotta see the show! It's rock 'n' roll! 5970 -- ELP, "Karn Evil 9" (1st Impression, Part 2) 5971% 5972Well I looked at my watch and it said a quarter to five, 5973The headline screamed that I was still alive, 5974I couldn't understand it, I thought I died last night. 5975I dreamed I'd been in a border town, 5976In a little cantina that the boys had found, 5977I was desperate to dance, just to dig the local sounds. 5978When along came a senorita, 5979She looked so good that I had to meet her, 5980I was ready to approach her with my English charm, 5981When her brass knuckled boyfriend grabbed me by the arm, 5982And he said, grow some funk of your own, amigo, 5983Grow some funk of your own. 5984We no like to with the gringo fight, 5985But there might be a death in Mexico tonite. 5986... 5987Take my advice, take the next flight, 5988And grow some funk, grow your funk at home. 5989 -- Elton John, "Grow Some Funk of Your Own" 5990% 5991Well, fancy giving money to the Government! 5992Might as well have put it down the drain. 5993Fancy giving money to the Government! 5994Nobody will see the stuff again. 5995Well, they've no idea what money's for -- 5996Ten to one they'll start another war. 5997I've heard a lot of silly things, but, Lor'! 5998Fancy giving money to the Government! 5999 -- A.P. Herbert 6000% 6001Well, I don't know where they come from but they sure do come, 6002I hope they comin' for me! 6003And I don't know how they do it but they sure do it good, 6004I hope they doin' it for free! 6005They give me cat scratch fever... cat scratch fever! 6006First time that I got it I was just ten years old, 6007Got it from the kitty next door... 6008I went to see the doctor and he gave me the cure, 6009I think I got it some more! 6010Got a bad scratch fever... 6011 -- Ted Nugent, "Cat Scratch Fever" 6012% 6013Well, my daddy left home when I was three, 6014And he didn't leave much for Ma and me, 6015Just and old guitar an'a empty bottle of booze. 6016Now I don't blame him 'cause he ran and hid, 6017But the meanest thing that he ever did, 6018Was before he left he went and named me Sue. 6019... 6020But I made me a vow to the moon and the stars, 6021I'd search the honkey tonks and the bars, 6022And kill the man that give me that awful name. 6023It was Gatlinburg in mid-July, 6024I'd just hit town and my throat was dry, 6025Thought I'd stop and have myself a brew, 6026At an old saloon on a street of mud, 6027Sitting at a table, dealing stud, 6028Sat that dirty (bleep) that named me Sue. 6029... 6030Now, I knew that snake was my own sweet Dad, 6031From a wornout picture that my Mother had, 6032And I knew that scar on his cheek and his evil eye... 6033 -- Johnny Cash, "A Boy Named Sue" 6034% 6035Well, my terminal's locked up, and I ain't got any Mail, 6036 And I can't recall the last time that my program didn't fail; 6037I've got stacks in my structs, I've got arrays in my queues, 6038 I've got the : Segmentation violation -- Core dumped blues. 6039 6040If you think that it's nice that you get what you C, 6041 Then go : illogical statement with your whole family, 6042'Cause the Supreme Court ain't the only place with : Bus error views. 6043 I've got the : Segmentation violation -- Core dumped blues. 6044 6045On a PDP-11, life should be a breeze, 6046 But with VAXen in the house even magnetic tapes would freeze. 6047Now you might think that unlike VAXen I'd know who I abuse, 6048 I've got the : Segmentation violation -- Core dumped blues. 6049 -- Core Dumped Blues 6050% 6051Well, some take delight in the carriages a-rolling, 6052And some take delight in the hurling and the bowling, 6053But I take delight in the juice of the barley, 6054And courting pretty fair maids in the morning bright and early. 6055% 6056Well, we're big rock singers, we've got golden fingers, 6057And we're loved everywhere we go. 6058We sing about beauty, and we sing about truth, 6059At ten thousand dollars a show. 6060We take all kind of pills to give us all kind of thrills, 6061But the thrill we've never known, 6062Is the thrill that'll get'cha, when you get your picture, 6063On the cover of the Rolling Stone. 6064 6065I got a freaky old lady, name of Cole King Katie, 6066Who embroiders on my jeans. 6067I got my poor old gray-haired daddy, 6068Drivin' my limousine. 6069Now it's all designed, to blow our minds, 6070But our minds won't be really be blown; 6071Like the blow that'll get'cha, when you get your picture, 6072On the cover of the Rolling Stone. 6073 6074We got a lot of little, teen-aged, blue-eyed groupies, 6075Who'll do anything we say. 6076We got a genuine Indian guru, that's teachin' us a better way. 6077We got all the friends that money can buy, 6078So we never have to be alone. 6079And we keep gettin' richer, but we can't get our picture, 6080On the cover of the Rolling Stone. 6081 -- Dr. Hook and the Medicine Show 6082 [As a note, they eventually DID make the cover of RS. Ed.] 6083% 6084What awful irony is this? 6085We are as gods, but know it not. 6086% 6087What did ya do with your burden and your cross? 6088Did you carry it yourself or did you cry? 6089You and I know that a burden and a cross, 6090Can only be carried on one man's back. 6091 -- Louden Wainwright III 6092% 6093What happens to a dream deferred? 6094Does it dry up 6095Like a raisin in the sun? 6096Or fester like a sore -- 6097And then run? 6098Does it stink like rotten meat? 6099Or crust and sugar over -- 6100Like a syrupy sweet? 6101 6102Maybe it just sags 6103Like a heavy load. 6104 6105Or does it explode? 6106 -- Langston Hughes 6107% 6108What has roots as nobody sees, 6109Is taller than trees, 6110Up, up it goes, 6111And yet never grows? 6112% 6113What pains others pleasures me, 6114At home am I in Lisp or C; 6115There i couch in ecstasy, 6116'Til debugger's poke i flee, 6117Into kernel memory. 6118In system space, system space, there shall i fare-- 6119Inside of a VAX on a silicon square. 6120% 6121What segment's this, that, laid to rest 6122On FHA0, is sleeping? 6123What system file, lay here a while This, this is "acct.run," 6124While hackers around it were weeping? Accounting file for everyone. 6125 Dump, dump it and type it out, 6126 The file, the highseg of login. 6127Why lies it here, on public disk 6128And why is it now unprotected? 6129A bug in incant, made it thus. Mount, mount all your DECtapes now 6130And copy the file somehow, somehow. The problem has not been corrected. 6131 Dump, dump it and type it out, 6132 The file, the highseg of login. 6133 -- to Greensleeves 6134% 6135What we Are is God's gift to us. 6136What we Become is our gift to God. 6137% 6138What's love but a second-hand emotion? 6139 -- Tina Turner 6140% 6141What, still alive at twenty-two, 6142A clean upstanding chap like you? 6143Sure, if your throat 'tis hard to slit, 6144Slit your girl's, and swing for it. 6145Like enough, you won't be glad, 6146When they come to hang you, lad: 6147But bacon's not the only thing 6148That's cured by hanging from a string. 6149So, when the spilt ink of the night 6150Spreads o'er the blotting pad of light, 6151Lads whose job is still to do 6152Shall whet their knives, and think of you. 6153 -- Hugh Kingsmill 6154% 6155When a lion meets another with a louder roar, 6156the first lion thinks the last a bore. 6157 -- G.B. Shaw 6158% 6159When I think about myself, 6160I almost laugh myself to death, 6161My life has been one great big joke, Sixty years in these folks' world 6162A dance that's walked The child I works for calls me girl 6163A song that's spoke, I say "Yes ma'am" for working's sake. 6164I laugh so hard I almost choke Too proud to bend 6165When I think about myself. Too poor to break, 6166 I laugh until my stomach ache, 6167 When I think about myself. 6168My folks can make me split my side, 6169I laughed so hard I nearly died, 6170The tales they tell, sound just like lying, 6171They grow the fruit, 6172But eat the rind, 6173I laugh until I start to crying, 6174When I think about my folks. 6175 -- Maya Angelou 6176% 6177When in panic, fear and doubt, 6178Drink in barrels, eat, and shout. 6179% 6180When in this world the headlines read 6181Of those whose hearts are filled with greed 6182Who rob and steal from those who need 6183The cry goes up with blinding speed for Underdog (UNDERDOG!) 6184Underdog (UNDERDOG!) 6185Speed of lightning, roar of thunder 6186Fighting all who rob or plunder 6187Underdog (ah-ah-ah-ah) 6188Underdog 6189UNDERDOG! 6190% 6191When in trouble or in doubt, 6192run in circles, scream and shout. 6193% 6194When license fees are too high, 6195users do things by hand. 6196When the management is too intrusive, 6197users lose their spirit. 6198 6199Hack for the user's benefit. 6200Trust them; leave them alone. 6201% 6202When love is gone, there's always justice. 6203And when justice is gone, there's always force. 6204And when force is gone, there's always Mom. 6205Hi, Mom! 6206 -- Laurie Anderson 6207% 6208When my fist clenches crack it open, 6209Before I use it and lose my cool. 6210When I smile tell me some bad news, 6211Before I laugh and act like a fool. 6212 6213And if I swallow anything evil, 6214Put you finger down my throat. 6215And if I shiver please give me a blanket, 6216Keep me warm let me wear your coat 6217 6218No one knows what it's like to be the bad man, 6219 to be the sad man. 6220Behind blue eyes. 6221No one knows what its like to be hated, 6222 to be fated, 6223To telling only lies. 6224 -- The Who 6225% 6226When oxygen Tech played Hydrogen U. 6227The Game had just begun, when Hydrogen scored two fast points 6228And Oxygen still had none 6229Then Oxygen scored a single goal 6230And thus it did remain, At Hydrogen 2 and Oxygen 1 6231Called because of rain. 6232% 6233When someone makes a move We'll send them all we've got, 6234Of which we don't approve, John Wayne and Randolph Scott, 6235Who is it that always intervenes? Remember those exciting fighting scenes? 6236U.N. and O.A.S., To the shores of Tripoli, 6237They have their place, I guess, But not to Mississippoli, 6238But first, send the Marines! What do we do? We send the Marines! 6239 6240For might makes right, Members of the corps 6241And till they've seen the light, All hate the thought of war: 6242They've got to be protected, They'd rather kill them off by 6243 peaceful means. 6244All their rights respected, Stop calling it aggression-- 6245Till somebody we like can be elected. We hate that expression! 6246 We only want the world to know 6247 That we support the status quo; 6248 They love us everywhere we go, 6249 So when in doubt, send the Marines! 6250 -- Tom Lehrer, "Send The Marines" 6251% 6252When the Guru administers, the users 6253are hardly aware that he exists. 6254Next best is a sysop who is loved. 6255Next, one who is feared. 6256And worst, one who is despised. 6257 6258If you don't trust the users, 6259you make them untrustworthy. 6260 6261The Guru doesn't talk, he hacks. 6262When his work is done, 6263the users say, "Amazing: 6264we implemented it, all by ourselves!" 6265% 6266When the leaders speak of peace 6267The common folk know 6268That war is coming 6269When the leaders curse war 6270The mobilization order is already written out. 6271 6272Every day, to earn my daily bread 6273I go to the market where lies are bought 6274Hopefully 6275I take my place among the sellers. 6276 -- Bertolt Brecht, "Hollywood" 6277% 6278When users see one GUI as beautiful, 6279other user interfaces become ugly. 6280When users see some programs as winners, 6281other programs become lossage. 6282 6283Pointers and NULLs reference each other. 6284High level and assembler depend on each other. 6285Double and float cast to each other. 6286High-endian and low-endian define each other. 6287While and until follow each other. 6288 6289Therefore the Guru 6290programs without doing anything 6291and teaches without saying anything. 6292Warnings arise and he lets them come; 6293processes are swapped and he lets them go. 6294He has but doesn't possess, 6295acts but doesn't expect. 6296When his work is done, he deletes it. 6297That is why it lasts forever. 6298% 6299When you and I are far apart 6300Can sorrow break your tender heart? 6301I love you darling, yes I do; 6302Sleep is so sweet when I dream of you; 6303All you are is a blossoming rose. 6304Night is here so I must close. 6305With care read the first word of each line. 6306You will find a question of mine. 6307 -- Yours hopefully, The VAX. 6308% 6309When you find yourself in danger, 6310When you're threatened by a stranger, 6311When it looks like you will take a lickin'... 6312 6313There is one thing you should learn, 6314When there is no one else to turn to, 6315 Caaaall for Super Chicken!! (**bwuck-bwuck-bwuck-bwuck**) 6316 Caaaall for Super Chicken!! 6317% 6318When you get what you want in your struggle for self 6319And the world makes you king for a day, 6320Just go to a mirror and look at yourself 6321And see what that man has to say. 6322 For it isn't your father or mother or wife 6323 Whose judgement upon you must pass; 6324 The fellow whose verdict counts most in your life 6325 Is the one staring back from the glass. 6326Some people may think you a straight-shootin' chum 6327And call you a wonderful guy, 6328But the man in the glass says you're only a bum 6329If you can't look him straight in the eye. 6330 He's the fellow to please, never mind all the rest, 6331 For he's with you clear up to the end, 6332 And you've passed your most dangerous, difficult test 6333 If the man in the glass is your friend. 6334You may fool the whole world down the pathway of life 6335And get pats on the back as you pass, 6336But your final reward will be heartaches and tears 6337If you've cheated the man in the glass. 6338% 6339When you meet a master swordsman, 6340show him your sword. 6341When you meet a man who is not a poet, 6342do not show him your poem. 6343 -- Rinzai, ninth century Zen master 6344% 6345When you overesteem great hackers, 6346more users become cretins. 6347When you develop encryption, 6348more users become crackers. 6349 6350The Guru leads 6351by emptying user's minds 6352and increasing their quotas, 6353by weakening their ambition 6354and toughening their resolve. 6355When users lack knowledge and desire, 6356management will not try to interfere. 6357 6358Practice not-looping, 6359and everything will fall into place. 6360% 6361When you're a Yup 6362You're a Yup all the way 6363From your first slice of Brie 6364To your last Cabernet. 6365 6366When you're a Yup 6367You're not just a dreamer 6368You're making things happen 6369You're driving a Beamer. 6370% 6371When you're away, I'm restless, lonely, 6372Wretched, bored, dejected; only 6373Here's the rub, my darling dear 6374I feel the same when you are near. 6375 -- Samuel Hoffenstein, "When You're Away" 6376% 6377Whenever Richard Cory went downtown, 6378 We people on the pavement looked at him: 6379He was a gentleman from sole to crown, 6380 Clean-favored, and imperially slim. 6381And he was always quietly arrayed, 6382 And he was always human when he talked; 6383But still he fluttered pulses when he said, 6384 "Good morning," and he glittered when he walked. 6385And he was rich -- yes, richer than a king -- 6386 And admirably schooled in every grace: 6387In fine, we thought that he was everything 6388 To make us wish that we were in his place. 6389So on we worked, and waited for the light, 6390 And went without the meat, and cursed the bread; 6391And Richard Cory, one calm summer night, 6392 Went home and put a bullet through his head. 6393 -- E.A. Robinson, "Richard Cory" 6394% 6395WHERE CAN THE MATTER BE 6396 Oh, dear, where can the matter be 6397 When it's converted to energy? 6398 There is a slight loss of parity. 6399 Johnny's so long at the fair. 6400% 6401Where's the man could ease a heart 6402Like a satin gown? 6403 -- Dorothy Parker, "The Satin Dress" 6404% 6405Where, oh, where, are you tonight? 6406Why did you leave me here all alone? 6407I searched the world over, and I thought I'd found true love. 6408You met another, and *PPHHHLLLBBBBTTT*, you wuz gone. 6409 6410Gloom, despair and agony on me. 6411Deep dark depression, excessive misery. 6412If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all. 6413Oh, gloom, despair and agony on me. 6414 -- Hee Haw 6415% 6416Whether weary or unweary, O man, do not rest, 6417Do not cease your single-handed struggle. 6418Go on, do not rest. 6419 -- An old Gujarati hymn 6420% 6421Whether you can hear it or not, 6422The Universe is laughing behind your back. 6423 -- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata" 6424% 6425While Europe's eye is fix'd on mighty things, 6426The fate of empires and the fall of kings; 6427While quacks of State must each produce his plan, 6428And even children lisp the Rights of Man; 6429Amid this mighty fuss just let me mention, 6430The Rights of Woman merit some attention. 6431 -- Robert Burns, Address on "The Rights of Woman", 26/10 1792 6432% 6433While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping, 6434As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door. 6435 -- Edgar Allan Poe, "The Raven" 6436 6437 [Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when 6438 referring to hardware interrupts.] 6439 6440And now I see with eye serene 6441The very pulse of the machine. 6442 -- William Wordsworth, "She Was a Phantom of Delight" 6443 6444 [Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when 6445 referring to software interrupts.] 6446% 6447While walking down a crowded 6448City street the other day, 6449I heard a little urchin 6450To a comrade turn and say, 6451"Say, Chimmey, lemme tell youse, 6452I'd be happy as a clam 6453If only I was de feller dat 6454Me mudder t'inks I am. 6455 6456"She t'inks I am a wonder, My friends, be yours a life of toil 6457An' she knows her little lad Or undiluted joy, 6458Could never mix wit' nuttin' You can learn a wholesome lesson 6459Dat was ugly, mean or bad. From that small, untutored boy. 6460Oh, lot o' times I sit and t'ink Don't aim to be an earthly saint 6461How nice, 'twould be, gee whiz! With eyes fixed on a star: 6462If a feller was de feller Just try to be the fellow that 6463Dat his mudder t'inks he is." Your mother thinks you are. 6464 -- Will S. Adkin, "If I Only Was the Fellow" 6465% 6466Whip it, baby. 6467Whip it right. 6468Whip it, baby. 6469Whip it all night! 6470% 6471Who does not love wine, women, and song, 6472Remains a fool his whole life long. 6473 -- Johann Heinrich Voss 6474% 6475Who to himself is law no law doth need, 6476offends no law, and is a king indeed. 6477 -- George Chapman 6478% 6479Why are you watching 6480The washing machine? 6481I love entertainment 6482So long as it's clean. 6483 6484Professor Doberman: 6485 While the preceding poem is unarguably a change from the guarded 6486pessimism of "The Hound of Heaven," it cannot be regarded as an unqualified 6487improvement. Obscurity is of value only when it tends to clarify the poetic 6488experience. As much as one is compelled to admire the poem's technique, one 6489must question whether its byplay of complex literary allusions does not in 6490fact distract from the unity of the whole. In the final analysis, one 6491receives the distinct impression that the poem's length could safely have 6492been reduced by a factor of eight or ten without sacrificing any of its 6493meaning. It is to be hoped that further publication of this poem can be 6494suspended pending a thorough investigation of its potential subversive 6495implications. 6496% 6497With/Without - and who'll deny it's what the fighting's all about? 6498 -- Pink Floyd 6499% 6500Woke up this mornin' an' I had myself a beer, 6501Yeah, Ah woke up this mornin' an' I had myself a beer 6502The future's uncertain and the end is always near. 6503 -- Jim Morrison, "Roadhouse Blues" 6504% 6505Woke up this morning, don't believe what I saw. 6506Hundred billion bottles washed up on the shore. 6507Seems I'm not alone in being alone. 6508Hundred billion castaways looking for a call. 6509 -- The Police, "Message in a Bottle" 6510% 6511Yea from the table of my memory 6512I'll wipe away all trivial fond records. 6513 -- Hamlet 6514% 6515Yes me, I got a bottle in front of me. 6516And Jimmy has a frontal lobotomy. 6517Just different ways to kill the pain the same. 6518But I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, 6519Than to have to have a frontal lobotomy. 6520I might be drunk but at least I'm not insane. 6521 -- Randy Ansley M.D. (Dr. Rock) 6522% 6523Yesterday upon the stair 6524I met a man who wasn't there. 6525He wasn't there again today -- 6526I think he's from the CIA. 6527% 6528"You are old, Father William," the young man said, 6529 "All your papers these days look the same; 6530Those William's would be better unread -- 6531 Do these facts never fill you with shame?" 6532 6533"In my youth," Father William replied to his son, 6534 "I wrote wonderful papers galore; 6535But the great reputation I found that I'd won, 6536 Made it pointless to think any more." 6537% 6538"You are old, father William," the young man said, 6539 "And your hair has become very white; 6540And yet you incessantly stand on your head -- 6541 Do you think, at your age, it is right?" 6542 6543"In my youth," father William replied to his son, 6544 "I feared it might injure the brain; 6545But, now that I'm perfectly sure I have none, 6546 Why, I do it again and again." 6547 6548"You are old," said the youth, "as I mentioned before, 6549 And have grown most uncommonly fat; 6550Yet you turned a back-somersault in at the door -- 6551 Pray what is the reason of that?" 6552 6553"In my youth," said the sage, as he shook his grey locks, 6554 "I kept all my limbs very supple 6555By the use of this ointment -- one shilling the box -- 6556 Allow me to sell you a couple?" 6557% 6558"You are old," said the youth, "and I'm told by my peers 6559 That your lectures bore people to death. 6560Yet you talk at one hundred conventions per year -- 6561 Don't you think that you should save your breath?" 6562 6563"I have answered three questions and that is enough," 6564 Said his father, "Don't give yourself airs! 6565Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff? 6566 Be off, or I'll kick you downstairs!" 6567% 6568"You are old," said the youth, "and your jaws are too weak 6569 For anything tougher than suet; 6570Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak -- 6571 Pray, how did you manage to do it?" 6572 6573"In my youth," said his father, "I took to the law, 6574 And argued each case with my wife; 6575And the muscular strength which it gave to my jaw, 6576 Has lasted the rest of my life." 6577 6578"You are old," said the youth, "one would hardly suppose 6579 That your eye was as steady as ever; 6580Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose -- 6581 What made you so awfully clever?" 6582 6583"I have answered three questions, and that is enough," 6584 Said his father. "Don't give yourself airs! 6585Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff? 6586 Be off, or I'll kick you down stairs!" 6587% 6588"You are old," said the youth, "and your programs don't run, 6589 And there isn't one language you like; 6590Yet of useful suggestions for help you have none -- 6591 Have you thought about taking a hike?" 6592 6593"Since I never write programs," his father replied, 6594 "Every language looks equally bad; 6595Yet the people keep paying to read all my books 6596 And don't realize that they've been had." 6597% 6598"You are old," said the youth, "as I mentioned before, 6599 And make errors few people could bear; 6600You complain about everyone's English but yours -- 6601 Do you really think this is quite fair?" 6602 6603"I make lots of mistakes," Father William declared, 6604 "But my stature these days is so great 6605That no critic can hurt me -- I've got them all scared, 6606 And to stop me it's now far too late." 6607% 6608You can grovel with a lover, you can grovel with a friend, 6609You can grovel with your boss, and it never has to end. 6610 6611(chorus) Grovel, grovel, grovel, every night and every day, 6612 Grovel, grovel, grovel, in your own peculiar way. 6613 6614You can grovel in a hallway, you can grovel in a park, 6615You can grovel in an alley with a mugger after dark. 6616(chorus) 6617 6618You can grovel with your uncle, you can grovel with your aunt, 6619You can grovel with your Apple, even though you say you can't. 6620(chorus) 6621% 6622You go down to the pickup station, 6623 craving warmth and beauty; 6624You settle for less than fascination -- 6625 a few drinks later you're not so choosy. 6626And the closing lights strip off the shadows 6627 on this strange new flesh you've found -- 6628Clutching the night to you like a fig leaf 6629 you hurry to the blackness 6630 and the blankets to lay down an impression 6631 and your loneliness. 6632 -- Joni Mitchell 6633% 6634You got to pay your dues if you want to sing the blues, 6635And you know it don't come easy ... 6636I don't ask for much, I only want trust, 6637And you know it don't come easy ... 6638% 6639You know my heart keeps tellin' me, 6640You're not a kid at thirty-three, 6641You play around you lose your wife, 6642You play too long, you lose your life. 6643Some gotta win, some gotta lose, 6644Goodtime Charlie's got the blues. 6645% 6646You may be right, I may be crazy, 6647But it just may be a lunatic you're looking for! 6648 -- Billy Joel 6649% 6650You will find me drinking gin 6651In the lowest kind of inn, 6652Because I am a rigid Vegetarian. 6653 -- G.K. Chesterton 6654% 6655You'll always be, 6656What you always were, 6657Which has nothing to do with, 6658All to do, with her. 6659 -- Company 6660% 6661Your wise men don't know how it feels 6662To be thick as a brick. 6663 -- Jethro Tull, "Thick As A Brick" 6664% 6665Your worship is your furnaces 6666which, like old idols, lost obscenes, 6667have molten bowels; your vision is 6668machines for making more machines. 6669 -- Gordon Bottomley, 1874 6670% 6671Yours is not to reason why, 6672Just to Sail Away. 6673And when you find you have to throw 6674Your Legacy away; 6675Remember life as was it is, 6676And is as it were; 6677Chasing sounds across the galaxy 6678'Till silence is but a blur. 6679 -- QYX. 6680% 6681