xref: /haiku/data/system/data/fortunes/Miscellaneous

A crow perched himself on a telephone wire.  He was going to make a long-distance caw.
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A log may float in a river, but that does not make it a crocodile.
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A pickup with three guys in it pulls into the lumber yard.  One of the men gets out and goes into the office.

"I need some four-by-two's," he says.
"You must mean two-by-four's" replies the clerk.
The man scratches his head.  "Wait a minute," he says, "I'll go check." 
	Back, after an animated conversation with the other occupants of the truck, he reassures the clerk, that, yes, in fact, two-by-fours would be acceptable.
"OK," says the clerk, writing it down, "how long you want 'em?"
The guy gets the blank look again.  "Uh... I guess I better go check," he says.
	He goes back out to the truck, and there's another animated conversation.  The guy comes back into the office.  "A long time," he says, "we're building a house".
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A prediction is worth twenty explanations.
		-- K. Brecher
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A reverend wanted to telephone another reverend.  He told the operator, "This is a parson to parson call."
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A squeegee by any other name wouldn't sound as funny.
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A young girl, Carmen Cohen, was called by her last name by her father, and her first name by her mother.  By the time she was ten, didn't know if she was Carmen or Cohen.
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According to my best recollection, I don't remember.
		-- Vincent "Jimmy Blue Eyes" Alo
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Adults die young.
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Age is a tyrant who forbids, at the penalty of life, all the pleasures of youth.
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Agree with them now, it will save so much time.
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Ah, the Tsar's bazaar's bizarre beaux-arts!
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All phone calls are obscene.
		-- Karen Elizabeth Gordon
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All the really good ideas I ever had came to me while I was milking a cow.
		-- Grant Wood
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Am I ranting?  I hope so.  My ranting gets raves.
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AMAZING BUT TRUE:

If all the salmon caught in Canada in one year were laid end to end across the Sahara Desert, the smell would be absolutely awful.
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AMAZING BUT TRUE:

There is so much sand in Northern Africa that if it were spread out it would completely cover the Sahara Desert.
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Amnesia used to be my favorite word, but then I forgot it.
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An atom blaster is a good weapon, but it can point both ways.
		-- Isaac Asimov
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And I alone am returned to wag the tail.
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Any stone in your boot always migrates against the pressure gradient to exactly the point of most pressure.
		-- Milt Barber
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Any time things appear to be going better, you have overlooked something.
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As Zeus said to Narcissus, "Watch yourself."
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Bare feet magnetize sharp metal objects so they point upward from the floor -- especially in the dark.
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BE ALERT!!!! (The world needs more lerts...)

BE ALOOF!  (There has been a recent population explosion of lerts.)
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Before I knew the best part of my life had come, it had gone.
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Being frustrated is disagreeable, but the real disasters in life begin when you get what you want.
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Biggest security gap -- an open mouth.
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Bizarreness is the essence of the exotic.
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Blessed are they who Go Around in Circles, for they Shall be Known as Wheels.
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Boy, that crayon sure did hurt!
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Bushydo -- the way of the shrub.  Bonsai!
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But like the Good Book says... There's BIGGER DEALS to come!
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By perseverance the snail reached the Ark.
		-- Charles Spurgeon
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CF&C stole it, fair and square.
		-- Tim Hahn
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	Chapter VIII

Due to the convergence of forces beyond his comprehension, Salvatore Quanucci was suddenly squirted out of the universe like a watermelon seed, and never heard from again.
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Confucius say too much.
		-- Recent Chinese Proverb
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Congratulations are in order for Tom Reid.

He says he just found out he is the winner of the 2021 Psychic of the Year award.
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Culture is the habit of being pleased with the best and knowing why.
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Custer committed Siouxicide.
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"Whatever the missing mass of the universe is, I hope it's not cockroaches!"
		-- Mom
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Death to all fanatics!
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Depart in pieces, i.e., split.
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Deprive a mirror of its silver and even the Czar won't see his face.
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Did you hear about the model who sat on a broken bottle and cut a nice figure?
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DID YOU KNOW:

That no-one ever reads these things?
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"Die?  I should say not, dear fellow.  No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him."
		-- John Barrymore's dying words
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Dignity is like a flag.  It flaps in a storm.
		-- Roy Mengot
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Dime is money.
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Do not use that foreign word "ideals".  We have that excellent native word "lies".
		-- Henrik Ibsen, "The Wild Duck"
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Do people know you have freckles everywhere?
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Do students of Zen Buddhism do Om-work?
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"Do you believe in intuition?"
"No, but I have a strange feeling that someday I will."
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Do you have lysdexia?
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Does a one-legged duck swim in a circle?
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Don't force it, get a larger hammer.
		-- Anthony
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Don't guess -- check your security regulations.
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Don't let your status become too quo!
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Don't speak about Time, until you have spoken to him.
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Don't worry if you're a kleptomaniac; you can always take something for it.
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Dr. Jekyll had something to Hyde.
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Dr. Livingston?
Dr. Livingston I. Presume?
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Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.
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Dreams are free, but there's a small charge for alterations.
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Drop the vase and it will become a Ming of the past.
		-- The Adventurer
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Duckies are fun!
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Ducks?  What ducks??
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	During a fight, a husband threw a bowl of Jello at his wife.  She had him arrested for carrying a congealed weapon.  In another fight, the wife decked him with a heavy glass pitcher. She's a woman who conks to stupor.
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Dyslexia means never having to say that you're ysror.
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Dyslexics have more fnu.
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DYSLEXICS OF THE WORLD, UNTIE!
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"Earth is a great, big funhouse without the fun."
		-- Jeff Berner
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Editing is a rewording activity.
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Eggheads unite!  You have nothing to lose but your yolks.
		-- Adlai Stevenson
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Events are not affected, they develop.
		-- Sri Aurobindo
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Ever wonder why fire engines are red?

Because newspapers are read too.
Two and Two is four.
Four and four is eight.
Eight and four is twelve.
There are twelve inches in a ruler.
Queen Mary was a ruler.
Queen Mary was a ship.
Ships sail the sea.
There are fishes in the sea.
Fishes have fins.
The Finns fought the Russians.
Russians are red.
Fire engines are always rush'n.
Therefore fire engines are red.
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Every absurdity has a champion who will defend it.
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Every day it's the same thing -- variety.  I want something different.
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Every time I think I know where it's at, they move it.
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Every time you manage to close the door on Reality, it comes in through the window.
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Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness.
		-- Beckett
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Everything bows to success, even grammar.
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Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous".
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Everything might be different in the present if only one thing had been different in the past.
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Everything should be built top-down... except the first time.
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Everything takes longer, costs more, and is less useful.
		-- Erwin Tomash
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Everything you know is wrong!
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Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.
		-- Aldous Huxley
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Facts apart from their relationships are like labels on empty bottles.
		-- Sven Italla
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Far duller than a serpent's tooth it is to spend a quiet youth.
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Fats Loves Madelyn.
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Finding out what goes on in the C.I.A. is like performing acupuncture on a rock.
		-- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
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Five bicycles make a volkswagen, seven make a truck.
		-- Adolfo Guzman
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Flame on!
		-- Johnny Storm
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Fly me away to the bright side of the moon ...
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For a holy stint, a moth of the cloth gave up his woolens for lint.
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For thee the wonder-working earth puts forth sweet flowers.
		-- Titus Lucretius Carus
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Force it!!!
If it breaks, well, it wasn't working anyway...
No, don't force it, get a bigger hammer.
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FORCE YOURSELF TO RELAX!
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Forest fires cause Smokey Bears.
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Fortune's graffiti of the week (or maybe even month):

		Don't Write On Walls!

		   (and underneath)

		You want I should type?
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Fortune's Office Door Sign of the Week:

	Incorrigible punster -- Do not incorrige.
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	"Found it," the Mouse replied rather crossly: "of course you know what 'it' means."
	"I know what 'it' means well enough, when I find a thing," said the Duck: "it's generally a frog or a worm.  The question is, what did the archbishop find?"
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From a certain point onward there is no longer any turning back. That is the point that must be reached.
		-- F. Kafka
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Furious activity is no substitute for understanding.
		-- H.H. Williams
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General notions are generally wrong.
		-- Lady M.W. Montagu
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Give me a Plumber's friend the size of the Pittsburgh dome, and a place to stand, and I will drain the world.
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Given my druthers, I'd druther not.
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Gloffing is a state of mine.
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Go away, I'm all right.
		-- H.G. Wells' last words.
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Go climb a gravity well!
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God is Dead.
		-- Nietzsche

Nietzsche is Dead.
		-- God
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God isn't dead, he just couldn't find a parking place.
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God made the world in six days, and was arrested on the seventh.
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God was satisfied with his own work, and that is fatal.
		-- Samuel Butler
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Lord, please give me patience... and I want it right now!
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Good news is just life's way of keeping you off balance.
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Happiness makes up in height what it lacks in length.
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Hard reality has a way of cramping your style.
		-- Daniel Dennett
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Have the courage to take your own thoughts seriously, for they will shape you.
		-- Albert Einstein
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"Have you lived here all your life?"
"Oh, twice that long."
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Have you noticed that all you need to grow healthy, vigorous grass is a crack in your sidewalk?
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"He flung himself on his horse and rode madly off in all directions."
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He who spends a storm beneath a tree, takes life with a grain of TNT.
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Hedonist for hire... no job too easy!
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Help a swallow land at Capistrano.
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Help stamp out and abolish redundancy and repetition.
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Here there be tygers.
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"His eyes were cold.  As cold as the bitter winter snow that was falling outside.  Yes, cold and therefore difficult to chew..."
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Honk if you hate bumper stickers that say "Honk if ..."
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Honk if you love peace and quiet.
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Housework can kill you if done right.
		-- Erma Bombeck
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How can you be in two places at once when you're not anywhere at all?
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How come only your friends step on your new white sneakers?
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How come wrong numbers are never busy?
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I always wake up at the crack of ice.
		-- Joe E. Lewis
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I am the mother of all things, and all things should wear a sweater.
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I can resist anything but temptation.
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I couldn't possibly fail to disagree with you less.
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I despise the pleasure of pleasing people whom I despise.
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I don't have any solution but I certainly admire the problem.
		-- Ashleigh Brilliant
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"I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path."
		-- Ronald Mabbitt
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I don't wish to appear overly inquisitive, but are you still alive?
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I feel sorry for your brain... all alone in that great big head...
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"I found out why my car was humming.  It had forgotten the words."
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I hate quotations.
		-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
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I hate trolls.  Maybe I could metamorph it into something else -- like a ravenous, two-headed, fire-breathing dragon.
		-- Willow
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I have a terrible headache,  I was putting on toilet water and the lid fell.
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I have seen the Great Pretender and he is not what he seems.
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I haven't lost my mind; I know exactly where I left it.
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I hear the sound that the machines make, and feel my heart break, just for a moment.
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I know it all.  I just can't remember it all at once.
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I know you think you thought you knew what you thought I said, but I'm not sure you understood what you thought I meant.
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I know you're in search of yourself, I just haven't seen you anywhere.
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I live the way I type; fast, with a lot of mistakes.
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I love treason but hate a traitor.
		-- Gaius Julius Caesar
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"I only touch base with reality on an as-needed basis!"
		-- Royal Floyd Mengot (Klaus)
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	[I plan] to see, hear, touch, and destroy everything in my path, including beets, rutabagas, and most random vegetables, but excluding yams, as I am absolutely terrified of yams...
	Actually, I think my fear of yams began in my early youth, when many of my young comrades pelted me with same for singing songs of far-off lands and deep blue seas in a language closely resembling that of the common sow. My psychosis was further impressed into my soul as I reached adolescence, when, while skipping through a field of yams, light-heartedly tossing flowers into the stratosphere, a great yam-picking machine tore through the fields, pursuing me to the edge of the great plantation, where I escaped by diving into a great ditch filled with a mixture of water and pig manure, which may explain my tendency to scream, "Here come the Martians!  Hide the eggs!" every time I have pork.  But I digress.  The fact remains that I cannot rationally
deal with yams, and pigs are terrible conversationalists.
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I predict that today will be remembered until tomorrow!
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I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
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I understand why you're confused.  You're thinking too much.
		-- Carole Wallach.
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I used to be an agnostic, but now I'm not so sure.
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I used to get high on life but lately I've built up a resistance.
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I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
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I will make you shorter by the head.
		-- Elizabeth I
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I wouldn't be so paranoid if you weren't all out to get me!!
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I'd be a poorer man if I'd never seen an eagle fly.
		-- John Denver

[I saw an eagle fly once.  Fortunately, I had my eagle fly swatter handy.  Ed.]
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I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
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"I'm dying," he croaked.
"My experiment was a success," the chemist retorted .
"You can't really train a beagle," he dogmatized.
"That's no beagle, it's a mongrel," she muttered.
"The fire is going out," he bellowed.
"Bad marksmanship," the hunter groused.
"You ought to see a psychiatrist," he reminded me.
"You snake," she rattled.
"Someone's at the door," she chimed.
"Company's coming," she guessed.
"Dawn came too soon," she mourned.
"I think I'll end it all," Sue sighed.
"I ordered chocolate, not vanilla," I screamed.
"Your embroidery is sloppy," she needled cruelly.
"Where did you get this meat?" he bridled hoarsely.
		-- Gyles Brandreth, "The Joy of Lex"
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I'm glad I was not born before tea.
		-- Sidney Smith (1771-1845)
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I'm going to raise an issue and stick it in your ear.
		-- John Foreman
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I'm not offering myself as an example; every life evolves by its own laws.
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I'm not prejudiced, I hate everyone equally.
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I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert!
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I'm prepared for all emergencies but totally unprepared for everyday life.
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I'm so broke I can't even pay attention.
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I've enjoyed just about as much of this as I can stand.
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Idleness is the holiday of fools.
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"If a camel flies, no one laughs if it doesn't get very far."
		-- Paul White
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If all men were brothers, would you let one marry your sister?
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If everything is coming your way then you're in the wrong lane.
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If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
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If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive!
		-- Samuel Goldwyn
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If I don't see you in the future, I'll see you in the pasture.
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If I love you, what business is it of yours?
		-- Johann van Goethe
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If it doesn't smell yet, it's pretty fresh.
		-- Dave Johnson, on dead seagulls
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If it pours before seven, it has rained by eleven.
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If it wasn't so warm out today, it would be cooler.
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If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would ever get done.
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If life isn't what you wanted, have you asked for anything else?
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If rabbits' feet are so lucky, what happened to the rabbit?
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If the ends don't justify the means, then what does?
	-- Robert Moses
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If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.
		-- Doug Larson

[Not to mention, butterfly would be flutterby -- Ed.]
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If the future isn't what it used to be, does that mean that the past is subject to change in times to come?
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If the grass is greener on other side of fence, consider what may be fertilizing it.
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If the meanings of "true" and "false" were switched, then this sentence would not be false.
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If the odds are a million to one against something occurring, chances are 50-50 it will.
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If time heals all wounds, how come the belly button stays the same?
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If you are going to walk on thin ice, you may as well dance.
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If you can lead it to water and force it to drink, it isn't a horse.
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If you do not think about the future, you cannot have one.
		-- John Galsworthy
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If you have nothing to do, don't do it here.
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If you knew what to say next, would you say it?
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If you know the answer to a question, don't ask.
		-- Petersen Nesbit
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If you stick your head in the sand, one thing is for sure, you're gonna get your rear kicked.
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If you're right 90% of the time, why quibble about the remaining 3%?
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Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.
		-- Jules de Gaultier
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Imagine what we can imagine!
		-- Arthur Rubinstein
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Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
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Immanuel Kant but Kubla Khan.
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In case of fire, stand in the hall and shout "Fire!"
		-- The Kidner Report
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In my end is my beginning.
		-- Mary Stuart, Queen of Scots
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In the war of wits, he's unarmed.
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In this world, truth can wait; she's used to it.
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Include me out.
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Indecision is the true basis for flexibility.
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Indifference will certainly be the downfall of mankind, but who cares?
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Insomnia isn't anything to lose sleep over.
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Is death legally binding?
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Isn't air travel wonderful?  Breakfast in London, dinner in New York, luggage in Brazil.
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It has long been known that birds will occasionally build nests in the manes of horses.  The only known solution to this problem is to sprinkle baker's yeast in the mane, for, as we all know, yeast is yeast and nest is nest, and never the mane shall tweet.
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It is a lesson which all history teaches wise men, to put trust in ideas, and not in circumstances.
		-- Emerson
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It is better never to have been born.  But who among us has such luck? One in a million, perhaps.
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It is better to be bow-legged than no-legged.
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It is better to kiss an avocado than to get in a fight with an aardvark.
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It is easier to resist at the beginning than at the end.
		-- Leonardo da Vinci
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It is easier to run down a hill than up one.
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It is the business of the future to be dangerous.
		-- Hawkwind
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It is very difficult to prophesy, especially when it pertains to the future.
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It isn't easy being a Friday kind of person in a Monday kind of world.
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It looks like blind screaming hedonism won out.
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It occurred to me lately that nothing has occurred to me lately.
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"It was a virgin forest, a place where the Hand of Man had never set foot."
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It was one of those perfect summer days -- the sun was shining, a breeze was blowing, the birds were singing, and the lawn mower was broken ...
		--- James Dent
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It was pleasant to me to get a letter from you the other day.  Perhaps I should have found it pleasanter if I had been able to decipher it.  I don't think that I mastered anything beyond the date (which I knew) and the signature (which I guessed at).  There's a singular and a perpetual charm in a letter of yours; it never grows old, it never loses its novelty.  Other letters are read and thrown away and forgotten, but yours are kept forever -- unread.  One of them will last a reasonable man a lifetime.
		-- Thomas Aldrich
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It wasn't that she had a rose in her teeth, exactly.  It was more like the rose and the teeth were in the same glass.
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It would save me a lot of time if you just gave up and went mad now.
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It'll be a nice world if they ever get it finished.
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It's a .88 magnum -- it goes through schools.
		-- Danny Vermin
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It's amazing how much better you feel once you've given up hope.
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It's not the fall that kills you, it's the landing.
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It's pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.
		-- Kim Hubbard
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Join the march to save individuality!
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Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed.
		-- Irene Peter
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Just give Alice some pencils and she will stay busy for hours.
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Kiss me twice.  I'm schizophrenic.
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Kissing a fish is like smoking a bicycle.
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Knocked, you weren't in.
		-- Opportunity
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Know what I hate most?  Rhetorical questions.
		-- Henry N. Camp
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Language is a virus from another planet.
	-- William Burroughs
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Laughing at you is like drop kicking a wounded humming bird.
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Lemmings don't grow older, they just die.
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Let he who takes the plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
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Let me put it this way: today is going to be a learning experience.
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Let others praise ancient times; I am glad I was born in these.
		-- Ovid (43 B.C. - A.D. 18)
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Let's remind ourselves that last year's fresh idea is today's cliche.
		-- Austen Briggs
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Life being what it is, one dreams of revenge.
		-- Paul Gauguin
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Life is both difficult and time consuming.
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Life is fraught with opportunities to keep your mouth shut.
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Life is just a bowl of cherries, but why do I always get the pits?
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Life is like an analogy.
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Life would be tolerable but for its amusements.
		-- G.B. Shaw
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Like winter snow on summer lawn, time past is time gone.
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Look!  Before our very eyes, the future is becoming the past.
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Lost interest?  It's so bad I've lost apathy.
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Love the sea?  I dote upon it -- from the beach.
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Luck can't last a lifetime, unless you die young.
		-- Russell Banks
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Man who falls in blast furnace is certain to feel overwrought.
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Man who falls in vat of molten optical glass makes spectacle of self.
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Man who sleep in beer keg wake up sticky.
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May your camel be as swift as the wind.
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May your Tongue stick to the Roof of your Mouth with the Force of a Thousand Caramels.
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Memory should be the starting point of the present.
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Microbiology Lab:  Staph Only!
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Mirrors should reflect a little before throwing back images.
	-- Jean Cocteau
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Monday is an awful way to spend one seventh of your life.
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Most burning issues generate far more heat than light.
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Most general statements are false, including this one.
		-- Alexander Dumas
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Mother is far too clever to understand anything she does not like.
		-- Arnold Bennett
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Must be getting close to town -- we're hitting more people.
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My interest is in the future because I am going to spend the rest of my life there.
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My, how you've changed since I've changed.
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Never be afraid to tell the world who you are.
		-- Anonymous
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Never use "etc." -- it makes people think there is more where there is not or that there is not space to list it all, etc.
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Never volunteer for anything.
		-- Lackland
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New members are urgently needed in the Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Yourself.  Apply within.
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Nietzsche is pietzsche, but Schiller is killer, and Goethe is moethe.
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No matter how cynical you get, it's impossible to keep up.
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No matter how much you do you never do enough.
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No small art is it to sleep: it is necessary for that purpose to keep awake all day.
		-- Nietzsche
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Non-Determinism is not meant to be reasonable.
		-- M.J. O'Donnell
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Non-sequiturs make me eat lampshades.
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Nostalgia is living life in the past lane.
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Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
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Nothing can be done in one trip.
		-- Snider
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Nothing cures insomnia like the realization that it's time to get up.
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Nothing is so firmly believed as that which we least know.
		-- Michel de Montaigne
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Nothing is so often irretrievably missed as a daily opportunity.
		-- Ebner-Eschenbach
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Nothing lasts forever... where do I find nothing?
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NOTICE:

-- THE ELEVATORS WILL BE OUT OF ORDER TODAY --

(The nearest working elevator is in the building across the street.)
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Once I finally figured out all of life's answers, they changed the questions.
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Operator, please trace this call and tell me where I am.
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Our houseplants have a good sense of humous.
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Over the years, I've developed my sense of deja vu so acutely that now I can remember things that *have* happened before.
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Paranoid Club meeting this Friday.  Now, just try to find out where!
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Please remain calm, it's no use both of us being hysterical at the same time.
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Predestination was doomed from the start.
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Prediction is very difficult, especially of the future.
		-- Niels Bohr
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Progress might have been all right once, but it's gone on too long.
		-- Ogden Nash
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Punning is the worst vice, and there's no vice versa.
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Pyros of the world... IGNITE !!!
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Quick!!  Act as if nothing has happened!
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Reality -- what a concept!
		-- Robin Williams
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Remember that there is an outside world to see and enjoy.
		-- Hans Liepmann
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Remember, drive defensively! And of course, the best defense is a good offense!
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Resisting temptation is easier when you think you'll probably get another chance later on.
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Ring around the collar.
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Rubber bands have snappy endings!
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Safety Third.
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Sailors in ships, sail on!  Even while we died, others rode out the storm.
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Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.
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Save the Whales -- Harpoon a Honda.
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Save the whales!  Collect the whole set!
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See, these two penguins walked into a bar, which was really stupid, 'cause the second one should have seen it.
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She has an alarm clock and a phone that don't ring -- they applaud.
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"Sheriff, we gotta catch Black Bart."
"Oh, yeah?  What's he look like?"
"Well, he's wearin' a paper hat, a paper shirt, paper pants and paper boots."
"What's he wanted for?"
"Rustling."
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Silence is the element in which great things fashion themselves.
		-- Thomas Carlyle
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Solipsists of the World... you are already united.
		-- Kayvan Sylvan
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Some changes are so slow, you don't notice them.  Others are so fast, they don't notice you.
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Someday we'll look back on this moment and plow into a parked car.
		-- Evan Davis
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Sooner or later you will pay for your sins.
(Those who have already paid may disregard this cookie).
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Stamp out philately.
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Standing on head makes smile of frown, but rest of face also upside down.
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Stealing a rhinoceros should not be attempted lightly.
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Take it easy, we're in a hurry.
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The beauty of a pun is in the "Oy!" of the beholder.
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The cart has no place where a fifth wheel could be used.
		-- Herbert von Fritzlar
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The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
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The difference between this place and yogurt is that yogurt has a live culture.
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The eagle may soar, but the weasel never gets sucked into a jet engine.
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The fact that it works is immaterial.
		-- L. Ogborn
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The future isn't what it used to be.  (It never was.)
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The Martian Canals were clearly the Martian's last ditch effort!
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The one good thing about repeating your mistakes is that you know when to cringe.
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The past always looks better than it was.  It's only pleasant because it isn't here.
		-- Finley Peter Dunne (Mr. Dooley)
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The pollution's at that awkward stage.  Too thick to navigate and too thin to cultivate.
		-- Doug Sneyd
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The problem with any unwritten law is that you don't know where to go to erase it.
		-- Glaser and Way
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The sky is blue so we know where to stop mowing.
		-- Judge Harold T. Stone
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The whole world is a scab.  The point is to pick it constructively.
		-- Peter Beard
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The world really isn't any worse.  It's just that the news coverage is so much better.
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There are no rules for March.  March is spring, sort of, usually, March means maybe, but don't bet on it.
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There are three things I always forget.  Names, faces -- the third I can't remember.
		-- Italo Svevo
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There are two kinds of pedestrians... the quick and the dead.
		-- Lord Thomas Rober Dewar
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There has been an alarming increase in the number of things you know nothing about.
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There's no real need to do housework -- after four years it doesn't get any worse.
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Think honk if you're a telepath.
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This is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.  And now you know why.
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This sentence contradicts itself -- no actually it doesn't.
		-- Douglas Hofstadter
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To generalize is to be an idiot.
		-- William Blake
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"To vacillate or not to vacillate, that is the question ... or is it?"
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Well, we'll really have a party, but we've gotta post a guard outside.
		-- Eddie Cochran, "Come On Everybody"
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What causes the mysterious death of everyone?
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What color is a chameleon on a mirror?
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"What did you do when the ship sank?"
"I grabbed a cake of soap and washed myself ashore."
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What does "it" mean in the sentence "What time is it?"?
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"What's the use of a good quotation if you can't change it?"
		-- The Doctor
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When a cow laughs, does milk come out of its nose?
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When a fly lands on the ceiling, does it do a half roll or a half loop?
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When things go well, expect something to explode, erode, collapse or just disappear.
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Which is worse: ignorance or apathy?  Who knows?  Who cares?
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Who dat who say "who dat" when I say "who dat"?
		-- Hattie McDaniel
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Why does a ship carry cargo and a truck carry shipments?
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Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?
		-- Lily Tomlin