1A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
2		-- Ogden Nash
3%
4	A little dog goes into a saloon in the Wild West, and beckons to the bartender.  "Hey, bartender, gimme a whiskey."
5	The bartender ignores him.
6	"Hey bartender, gimme a whiskey!"
7	Still ignored.
8	"HEY BARMAN!!  GIMME A WHISKEY!!"
9	The bartender takes out his six-shooter and shoots the dog in the leg, and the dog runs out the saloon, howling in pain.
10	Three years later, the wee dog appears again, wearing boots, jeans, chaps, a Stetson, gun belt, and guns.  He ambles slowly into the saloon, goes up to the bar, leans over it, and says to the bartender, "I'm here t'git the man that shot muh paw."
11%
12About the only thing on a farm that has an easy time is the dog.
13%
14All intelligent species own cats.
15%
16Any member introducing a dog into the Society's premises shall be liable to a fine of one pound.  Any animal leading a blind person shall be deemed to be a cat.
17		-- Rule 46, Oxford Union Society, London
18%
19Anyone who considers protocol unimportant has never dealt with a cat.
20		-- R. Heinlein 
21%
22"Anything else you wish to draw to my attention, Mr. Holmes ?"
23"The curious incident of the stable dog in the nighttime."
24"But the dog did nothing in the nighttime."
25"That was the curious incident."
26		-- A. Conan Doyle, "Silver Blaze"
27%
28Auribus teneo lupum.
29	[I hold a wolf by the ears.]
30	[Boy, it *sounds* good.  But what does it *mean*?]
31%
32Breeding rabbits is a hare raising experience.
33%
34Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function.
35		-- Garrison Keillor
36%
37Cats are smarter than dogs.  You can't make eight cats pull a sled through the snow.
38%
39Cats, no less liquid than their shadows, offer no angles to the wind.
40%
41Chihuahuas drive me crazy.  I can't stand anything that shivers when it's warm.
42%
43"Contrary to popular belief, penguins are not the salvation of modern technology.  Neither do they throw parties for the urban proletariat."
44%
45Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in?  I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
46		-- Sue Murphy
47%
48Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
49%
50Dogs just don't seem to be able to tell the difference between important people and the rest of us.
51%
52Everyone *knows* cats are on a higher level of existence.  These silly humans are just to big-headed to admit their inferiority.
53	Just think what a nicer world this would be if it were controlled by cats.
54	You wouldn't see cats having waste disposal problems.
55	They're neat.
56	They keep reasonable hours.  You *never* see a cat up before noon.
57	They know how to relax.  Ever heard of a cat with an ulcer?  
58	What are the chances of a cat starting a nuclear war?  Pretty neglible. It's not that they can't, they just know that there are much better things to do with ones time.  Like lie in the sun and sleep.  Or go exploring the world.
59%
60For a man to truly understand rejection, he must first be ignored by a cat.
61%
62Hi!  You have reached 555-0129. None of us are here to answer the phone and the cat doesn't have opposing thumbs, so his messages are illegible.  Please leave your name and message after the beep... <beep>
63%
64I loathe people who keep dogs.  They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves.
65		-- August Strindberg
66%
67I love dogs, but I hate Chihuahuas.  A Chihuahua isn't a dog.  It's a rat with a thyroid problem.
68%
69If a can of Alpo costs 38 cents, would it cost $2.50 in Dog Dollars?
70%
71If anyone has seen my dog, please contact me at x2883 as soon as possible. We're offering a substantial reward.  He's a sable collie, with three legs, blind in his left eye, is missing part of his right ear and the tip of his tail.  He's been recently fixed.  Answers to "Lucky".
72%
73If you are a police dog, where's your badge?
74		-- Question James Thurber used to drive his German Shepherd crazy.
75%
76"If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do:  Pour a little Lavoris in the toilet."
77		-- Jay Leno
78%
79If you have received a letter inviting you to speak at the dedication of a new cat hospital, and you hate cats, your reply, declining the invitation, does not necessarily have to cover the full range of your emotions.  You must make it clear that you will not attend, but you do not have to let fly at cats. The writer of the letter asked a civil question; attack cats, then, only if you can do so with good humor, good taste, and in such a way that your answer will be courteous as well as responsive.  Since you are out of sympathy with cats, you may quite properly give this as a reason for not appearing at the dedication ceremonies of a cat hospital.  But bear in mind that your opinion of cats was not sought, only your services as a speaker.  Try to keep things straight.
80		-- Strunk and White, "The Elements of Style"
81%
82In the eyes of my dog, I'm a man.
83		-- Martin Mull
84%
85It is not a good omen when goldfish commit suicide.
86%
87It's no use crying over spilt milk -- it only makes it salty for the cat.
88%
89Lost: gray and white female cat.  Answers to electric can opener.
90%
91Never try to outstubborn a cat.
92		-- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"
93%
94No animal should ever jump on the dining room furniture unless absolutely certain he can hold his own in conversation.
95		-- Fran Lebowitz
96%
97No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.
98%
99PENGUINICITY!!
100%
101Raising pet electric eels is gaining a lot of current popularity.
102%
103"Shelter," what a nice name for for a place where you polish your cat.
104%
105Some books are to be tasted, others to be swallowed, and some few to be chewed and digested.
106		-- Francis Bacon
107	[As anyone who has ever owned a puppy already knows.  Ed.]
108%
109Sometimes when I get up in the morning, I feel very peculiar.  I feel like I've just got to bite a cat!  I feel like if I don't bite a cat before sundown, I'll go crazy!  But then I just take a deep breath and forget about it.  That's what is known as real maturity.
110		-- Snoopy
111%
112Speaking of purchasing a dog, never buy a watchdog that's on sale. After all, everyone knows a bargain dog never bites!
113%
114The difference between dogs and cats is that dogs come when they're called.  Cats take a message and get back to you.
115%
116The main problem I have with cats is, they're not dogs.
117		-- Kevin Cowherd
118%
119The only time a dog gets complimented is when he doesn't do anything.
120		-- C. Schulz
121%
122There are many intelligent species in the universe, and they all own cats.
123%
124There's no use in having a dog and doing your own barking.
125%
126To err is human,
127To purr feline.
128		-- Robert Byrne
129%
130When man calls an animal "vicious", he usually means that it will attempt to defend itself when he tries to kill it.
131%
132When the fog came in on little cat feet last night, it left these little muddy paw prints on the hood of my car.
133%
134Who loves me will also love my dog.
135		-- John Donne
136%
137With a rubber duck, one's never alone.
138		-- "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
139%
140