1!07/11 PDP a ni deppart m'I !pleH 2% 3!07/11 PDP a ni deppart m'I !pleH 4% 510.0 times 0.1 is hardly ever 1.0. 6% 7$3,000,000 8% 9A bird in the bush usually has a friend in there with him. 10% 11A bird in the hand is worth what it will bring. 12% 13A bird in the hand makes it awfully hard to blow your nose. 14% 15A celebrity is a person who is known for his well-knownness. 16% 17A child of five could understand this! Fetch me a child of five. 18% 19A closed mouth gathers no foot. 20% 21A conclusion is simply the place where someone got tired of thinking. 22% 23A day for firm decisions!!!!! Or is it? 24% 25A day without sunshine is like night. 26% 27A diva who specializes in risqu'e arias is an off-coloratura soprano ... 28% 29A fool must now and then be right by chance. 30% 31A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance. 32% 33A lack of leadership is no substitute for inaction. 34% 35A lack of leadership is no substitute for inaction. 36% 37A lack of leadership is no substitute for inaction. 38% 39A long memory is the most subversive idea in America. 40% 41A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small package. 42% 43A mathematician is a machine for converting coffee into theorems. 44% 45A nuclear war can ruin your whole day. 46% 47A penny saved is ridiculous. 48% 49A person is just about as big as the things that make them angry. 50% 51A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep. 52% 53"A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives." 54% 55A tautology is a thing which is tautological. 56% 57A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn. 58% 59Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy. 60% 61Absence makes the heart go wander. 62% 63Acid -- better living through chemistry. 64% 65Acid absorbs 47 times it's weight in excess Reality. 66% 67Actors will happen even in the best-regulated families. 68% 69After I run your program, let's make love like crazed weasels, OK? 70% 71Ah say, son, you're about as sharp as a bowlin' ball. 72% 73Air is water with holes in it 74% 75Alex Haley was adopted! 76% 77All extremists should be taken out and shot. 78% 79All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy. 80% 81All power corrupts, but we need electricity. 82% 83All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors. 84% 85All syllogisms have three parts, therefore this is not a syllogism. 86% 87All things are possible, except skiing thru a revolving door. 88% 89All true wisdom is found on T-shirts. 90% 91Although the moon is smaller than the earth, it is farther away. 92% 93Always remember that you are unique. Just like everyone else. 94% 95Am I ranting? I hope so. My ranting gets raves. 96% 97"Amnesia used to be my favorite word, but then I forgot it." 98% 99An apple every eight hours will keep three doctors away. 100% 101An artist should be fit for the best society and keep out of it. 102% 103An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible. 104% 105An elephant is a mouse with an operating system. 106% 107An exotic journey in downtown Newark is in your future. 108% 109An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it. 110% 111"An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of purge." 112% 113... and furthermore ... I don't like your trousers. 114% 115And on the seventh day, He exited from append mode. 116% 117Ankh if you love Isis. 118% 119Another good night not to sleep in a eucalyptus tree. 120% 121Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry. 122% 123Anybody with money to burn will easily find someone to tend the fire. 124% 125Anything free is worth what you pay for it. 126% 127Anything is good and useful if it's made of chocolate. 128% 129Anything is good if it's made of chocolate. 130% 131Anything that is good and useful is made of chocolate. 132% 133Anything worth doing is worth overdoing 134% 135"Apathy is not the problem, it's the solution" 136% 137Are you a turtle? 138% 139Are you a turtle? 140% 141Artistic ventures highlighted. Rob a museum. 142% 143As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong? 144% 145As of next week, passwords will be entered in Morse code. 146% 147As Zeus said to Narcissus, "Watch yourself." 148% 149ASHes to ASHes, DOS to DOS. 150% 151Ask not for whom the <CONTROL-G> tolls. 152% 153"At least they're EXPERIENCED incompetents" 154% 155Avoid reality at all costs. 156% 157Ban the bomb. Save the world for conventional warfare. 158% 159Bank error in your favor. Collect $200. 160% 161"BASIC is the Computer Science equivalent of `Scientific Creationism'." 162% 163BE ALERT!!!! (The world needs more lerts ...) 164% 165Be braver -- you can't cross a chasm in two small jumps. 166% 167Be different: conform. 168% 169Be security conscious -- National defense is at stake. 170% 171"Being disintegrated makes me ve-ry an-gry!" <huff, huff> 172% 173Bell Labs Unix -- Reach out and grep someone. 174% 175Best of all is never to have been born. Second best is to die soon. 176% 177Better dead than mellow. 178% 179Beware of computerized fortune-tellers! 180% 181Beware of low-flying butterflies. 182% 183Bizarreness is the essence of the exotic 184% 185... bleakness ... desolation ... plastic forks ... 186% 187Blessed are the young for they shall inherit the national debt. 188% 189BLISS is ignorance 190% 191Blood flows down one leg and up the other. 192% 193Blood is thicker than water, and much tastier. 194% 195BOO! We changed Coke again! BLEAH! BLEAH! 196% 197Brain fried -- Core dumped 198% 199Bureaucrats cut red tape -- lengthwise. 200% 201"But I don't like Spam!!!!" 202% 203Caution: breathing may be hazardous to your health. 204% 205CChheecckk yyoouurr dduupplleexx sswwiittcchh.. 206% 207Celebrate Hannibal Day this year. Take an elephant to lunch. 208% 209Chicago law prohibits eating in a place that is on fire. 210% 211Chicken Little only has to be right once. 212% 213Chicken Little was right. 214% 215Cleanliness is next to impossible. 216% 217Cleveland still lives. God *must* be dead. 218% 219"Cleveland? Yes, I spent a week there one day." 220% 221Cloning is the sincerest form of flattery. 222% 223COBOL programs are an exercise in Artificial Inelegance. 224% 225Cocaine -- the thinking man's Dristan. 226% 227Computer programmers do it byte by byte 228% 229Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are. 230% 231Condense soup, not books! 232% 233Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good. 234% 235Darth Vader sleeps with a Teddywookie. 236% 237Day of inquiry. You will be subpoenaed. 238% 239Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy. 240% 241Death is Nature's way of recycling human beings. 242% 243"Death is nature's way of saying `Howdy'". 244% 245Death is nature's way of telling you to slow down 246% 247Death to all fanatics! 248% 249"Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow." 250% 251Did I say 2? I lied. 252% 253Different all twisty a of in maze are you, passages little. 254% 255Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a rock. 256% 257Disc space -- the final frontier! 258% 259Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art. 260% 261Do infants have as much fun in infancy as adults do in adultery? 262% 263Do molecular biologists wear designer genes? 264% 265Do not believe in miracles -- rely on them. 266% 267Do not drink coffee in early a.m. It will keep you awake until noon. 268% 269Do not sleep in a eucalyptus tree tonight. 270% 271Do something unusual today. Pay a bill. 272% 273Do what comes naturally now. Seethe and fume and throw a tantrum. 274% 275Do you have lysdexia? 276% 277Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? 278% 279Don't abandon hope: your Tom Mix decoder ring arrives tomorrow. 280% 281Don't believe everything you hear or anything you say. 282% 283Don't cook tonight -- starve a rat today! 284% 285Don't feed the bats tonight. 286% 287Don't get even -- get odd! 288% 289Don't go surfing in South Dakota for a while. 290% 291Don't hate yourself in the morning -- sleep till noon. 292% 293Don't hit a man when he's down -- kick him; it's easier. 294% 295Don't kiss an elephant on the lips today. 296% 297Don't knock President Fillmore. He kept us out of Vietnam. 298% 299Don't let your mind wander -- it's too little to be let out alone. 300% 301Don't look back, the lemmings are gaining on you. 302% 303Don't take life too seriously -- you'll never get out of it alive. 304% 305Don't tell any big lies today. Small ones can be just as effective. 306% 307Don't you feel more like you do now than you did when you came in? 308% 309Down with categorical imperative! 310% 311"Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing." 312% 313Drink Canada Dry! You might not succeed, but it *is* fun trying. 314% 315Drive defensively. Buy a tank. 316% 317E Pluribus Unix 318% 319Earn cash in your spare time -- blackmail your friends 320% 321/earth is 98% full ... please delete anyone you can. 322% 323Earth is a beta site. 324% 325 Eat drink and be merry, for tomorrow they may make it illegal. 326% 327"Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow you may work." 328% 329Electrical Engineers do it with less resistance. 330% 331Elevators smell different to midgets 332% 333Entropy isn't what it used to be. 334% 335Equal bytes for women. 336% 337Error in operator: add beer 338% 339Every absurdity has a champion who will defend it. 340% 341Every creature has within him the wild, uncontrollable urge to punt. 342% 343Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it. 344% 345"Every man has his price. Mine is $3.95." 346% 347Every program is a part of some other program, and rarely fits. 348% 349Every solution breeds new problems. 350% 351"Every time I think I know where it's at, they move it." 352% 353Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die. 354% 355Everyone talks about apathy, but no one *does* anything about it. 356% 357Everything should be built top-down, except the first time. 358% 359Everything you know is wrong! 360% 361Excellent day for drinking heavily. Spike office water cooler. 362% 363Excellent day for putting Slinkies on an escalator. 364% 365Excellent day to have a rotten day. 366% 367Excellent time to become a missing person. 368% 369Excessive login or logout messages are a sure sign of senility. 370% 371Expect the worst, it's the least you can do. 372% 373Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else. 374% 375Experience varies directly with equipment ruined. 376% 377f u cn rd ths, itn tyg h myxbl cd. 378% 379f u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgrmmng. 380% 381Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable. 382% 383Familiarity breeds attempt 384% 385Famous last words: 386% 387Fats Loves Madelyn 388% 389Feel disillusioned? I've got some great new illusions ... 390% 391Fine day to throw a party. Throw him as far as you can. 392% 393Fine day to work off excess energy. Steal something heavy. 394% 395For 20 dollars, I'll give you a good fortune next time ... 396% 397For a good time, call 555-9483 398% 399"For an adequate time call 555-3321" 400% 401For large values of one, one equals two, for small values of two. 402% 403For some reason, this fortune reminds everyone of Marvin Zelkowitz. 404% 405For your penance, say five Hail Marys and one loud BLAH! 406% 407Forms follow function, and often obliterate it. 408% 409fortune: cpu time/usefulness ratio too high -- core dumped. 410% 411Future looks spotty. You will spill soup in late evening. 412% 413Garbage In -- Gospel Out. 414% 415"Gee, Toto, I don't think we are in Kansas anymore." 416% 417George Orwell was an optimist. 418% 419Get forgiveness now -- tomorrow you may no longer feel guilty. 420% 421Get Revenge! Live long enough to be a problem for your children! 422% 423Give your child mental blocks for Christmas. 424% 425Go 'way! You're bothering me! 426% 427Go climb a gravity well! 428% 429//GO.SYSIN DD *, DOODAH, DOODAH 430% 431God is a comic playing to an audience that's afraid to laugh 432% 433God is a polythiest 434% 435God is not dead! He's alive and autographing bibles at Cody's 436% 437God is real, unless declared integer. 438% 439God isn't dead, he just couldn't find a parking place. 440% 441God made machine language; all the rest is the work of man. 442% 443God made the world in six days, and was arrested on the seventh. 444% 445God must love the Common Man; He made so many of them. 446% 447Good day for a change of scene. Repaper the bedroom wall. 448% 449Good day for overcoming obstacles. Try a steeplechase. 450% 451Good day to avoid cops. Crawl to school. 452% 453Good day to let down old friends who need help. 454% 455Good leaders being scarce, following yourself is allowed. 456% 457Good news is just life's way of keeping you off balance. 458% 459Good news. Ten weeks from Friday will be a pretty good day. 460% 461Graduate life -- it's not just a job, it's an indenture. 462% 463Graduate life: It's not just a job. It's an indenture. 464% 465Gravity is a myth, the Earth sucks. 466% 467Great minds run in great circles. 468% 469Hacking's just another word for nothing left to kludge. 470% 471Half Moon tonight. (At least it's better than no Moon at all.) 472% 473Hard work may not kill you, but why take chances? 474% 475Have an adequate day. 476% 477Have an adequate day. 478% 479Have you reconsidered a computer career? 480% 481"He flung himself on his horse and rode madly off in all directions" 482% 483He looked at me as if I was a side dish he hadn't ordered. 484% 485He who Laughs, Lasts. 486% 487"He's just a politician trying to save both his faces ..." 488% 489"He's the kind of man for the times that need the kind of man he is ..." 490% 491Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. 492% 493"Heisenberg may have slept here" 494% 495Help a swallow land at Capistrano. 496% 497Help fight continental drift. 498% 499Help me, I'm a prisoner in a Fortune cookie file! 500% 501Help stamp out and abolish redundancy. 502% 503Help! I'm trapped in a PDP 11/70! 504% 505Hindsight is an exact science. 506% 507Hire the morally handicapped. 508% 509"His super power is to turn into a scotch terrier." 510% 511History repeats itself. That's one thing wrong with history. 512% 513"Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense" 514% 515Honk if you hate bumper stickers that say "Honk if ..." 516% 517Honk if you love peace and quiet. 518% 519Horses are forbidden to eat fire hydrants in Marshalltown, Iowa. 520% 521How can you be in two places at once when you're not anywhere at all? 522% 523How come only your friends step on your new white sneakers? 524% 525How come wrong numbers are never busy? 526% 527"How do I love thee? My accumulator overflows." 528% 529How wonderful opera would be if there were no singers. 530% 531How wonderful opera would be if there were no singers. 532% 533Human beings were created by water to transport it uphill. 534% 535Hummingbirds never remember the words to songs. 536% 537I am more bored than you could ever possibly be. Go back to work. 538% 539"I am the mother of all things, and all things should wear a sweater." 540% 541I brake for chezlogs! 542% 543I can read your mind, and you should be ashamed of yourself. 544% 545"I can resist anything but temptation." 546% 547"I didn't know it was impossible when I did it." 548% 549"I don't think so," said Ren'e Descartes. Just then, he vanished. 550% 551I doubt, therefore I might be. 552% 553"I found out why my car was humming. It had forgotten the words." 554% 555"I had to hit him -- he was starting to make sense." 556% 557"I haven't lost my mind -- it's backed up on tape somewhere." 558% 559"I haven't lost my mind; I know exactly where I left it." 560% 561I just forgot my whole philosophy of life!!! 562% 563I know it all. I just can't remember it all at once. 564% 565"I like work ... I can sit and watch it for hours." 566% 567"I like your game but we have to change the rules." 568% 569I must have slipped a disk -- my pack hurts 570% 571"I never met a piece of chocolate I didn't like." 572% 573I predict that today will be remembered until tomorrow! 574% 575"I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person." 576% 577I used to be an agnostic, but now I'm not so sure. 578% 579"I used to get high on life but lately I've built up a resistance." 580% 581"I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure." 582% 583"I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous." 584% 585"I'd love to go out with you, but I have to floss my cat." 586% 587"I'd love to go out with you, but I'm having all my plants neutered." 588% 589"I'd love to go out with you, but I'm taking punk totem pole carving." 590% 591"I'd love to go out with you, but it's my parakeet's bowling night." 592% 593"I'd love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV." 594% 595"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy." 596% 597I'm a Lisp variable -- bind me! 598% 599I'm defending her honor, which is more than she ever did. 600% 601"I'm defending her honor, which is more than she ever did." 602% 603I'm rated PG-34!! 604% 605I've enjoyed just about as much of this as I can stand. 606% 607I've given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself. 608% 609"I've seen better heads on half a pint of beer." 610% 611If a President doesn't do it to his wife, he'll do it to his country. 612% 613If anything can go wrong, it will. 614% 615If at first you don't succeed, redefine success. 616% 617"If dolphins are so smart, why did Flipper work for television?" 618% 619If entropy is increasing, where is it coming from? 620% 621If everything is coming your way then you're in the wrong lane. 622% 623If God had intended Man to Smoke, He would have set him on Fire. 624% 625If God had intended Man to Walk, He would have given him Feet. 626% 627If God is dead, who will save the Queen? 628% 629If God is perfect, why did He create discontinuous functions? 630% 631If I don't see you in the future, I'll see you in the pasture. 632% 633If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people? 634% 635If it's Tuesday, this must be someone else's fortune. 636% 637If life is a stage, I want some better lighting. 638% 639If money can't buy happiness, I guess you'll just have to rent it. 640% 641If only I could be respected without having to be respectable. 642% 643If there are epigrams, there must be meta-epigrams. 644% 645If this fortune didn't exist, somebody would have invented it. 646% 647If this is timesharing, give me my share right now. 648% 649If time heals all wounds, how come the belly button stays the same? 650% 651"If value corrupts then absolute value corrupts absolutely" 652% 653"If we were meant to fly, we wouldn't keep losing our luggage." 654% 655If you can lead it to water and force it to drink, it isn't a horse. 656% 657If you can read this, you're too close. 658% 659If you can survive death, you can probably survive anything. 660% 661If you can't learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly. 662% 663If you didn't get caught, did you really do it? 664% 665If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost. 666% 667If you had any brains, you'd be dangerous. 668% 669If you have a procedure with 10 parameters, you probably missed some. 670% 671"If you have to hate, hate gently" 672% 673If you keep anything long enough, you can throw it away. 674% 675If you stand on your head, you will get footprints in your hair. 676% 677If you wish to live wisely, ignore sayings -- including this one. 678% 679If you're happy, you're successful. 680% 681If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate. 682% 683If you're right 90% of the time, why quibble about the remaining 3%? 684% 685In Boston, it is illegal to hold frog-jumping contests in nightclubs. 686% 687In Devon, Connecticut, it is unlawful to walk backwards after sunset. 688% 689"In short, _N is Richardian if, and only if, _N is not Richardian." 690% 691In specifications, Murphy's Law supersedes Ohm's. 692% 693Indifference will be the downfall of mankind, but who cares? 694% 695Individualists unite! 696% 697Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids. 698% 699Intolerance is the last defense of the insecure. 700% 701Is your job running? You'd better go catch it! 702% 703It has just been discovered that research causes cancer in rats. 704% 705It is better to kiss an avocado than to get in a fight with an aardvark 706% 707It is easier to get forgiveness than permission. 708% 709It is illegal to say "Oh, Boy" in Jonesboro, Georgia. 710% 711It looks like blind screaming hedonism won out. 712% 713It was a book to kill time for those who liked it better dead. 714% 715It's a good thing we don't get all the government we pay for. 716% 717It's always darkest just before it gets pitch black. 718% 719It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them. 720% 721It's illegal in Wilbur, Washington, to ride an ugly horse. 722% 723"It's men like him that give the Y chromosome a bad name." 724% 725It's raisins that make Post Raisin Bran so raisiny ... 726% 727It's really quite a simple choice: Life, Death, or Los Angeles. 728% 729It's the thought, if any, that counts! 730% 731Joe's sister puts spaghetti in her shoes! 732% 733Join the march to save individuality! 734% 735Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they AREN'T after you. 736% 737Keep America beautiful. Swallow your beer cans. 738% 739Keep emotionally active. Cater to your favorite neurosis. 740% 741Keep grandma off the streets -- legalize bingo. 742% 743"Kirk to Enterprise -- beam down yeoman Rand and a six-pack." 744% 745Kiss me twice. I'm schizophrenic. 746% 747Kiss your keyboard goodbye! 748% 749Klein bottle for rent -- inquire within. 750% 751Klein bottle for sale ... inquire within. 752% 753Know thyself. If you need help, call the C.I.A. 754% 755Laetrile is the pits 756% 757Last yeer I kudn't spel Engineer. Now I are won. 758% 759Laugh at your problems; everybody else does. 760% 761Learned men are the cisterns of knowledge, not the fountainheads. 762% 763Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse. 764% 765Let He who taketh the Plunge Remember to return it by Tuesday. 766% 767Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while. 768% 769Life is a yo-yo, and mankind ties knots in the string. 770% 771"Life is like a buffet; it's not good but there's plenty of it." 772% 773Life is like a simile. 774% 775Life is like an analogy 776% 777Life would be so much easier if we could just look at the source code. 778% 779Line Printer paper is strongest at the perforations. 780% 781Logic is a little bird, sitting in a tree; that smells *awful*. 782% 783Look out! Behind you! 784% 785Loose bits sink chips. 786% 787Lost interest? It's so bad I've lost apathy. 788% 789Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea. 790% 791Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea. 792% 793Love is sentimental measles. 794% 795Love means having to say you're sorry every five minutes. 796% 797LSD melts in your mind, not in your hand. 798% 799Lysistrata had a good idea. 800% 801Make it myself? But I'm a physical organic chemist! 802% 803"Matrimony isn't a word, it's a sentence." 804% 805May a Misguided Platypus lay its Eggs in your Jockey Shorts 806% 807May Euell Gibbons eat your only copy of the manual! 808% 809May the Fleas of a Thousand Camels infest one of your Erogenous Zones. 810% 811Measure with a micrometer. Mark with chalk. Cut with an axe. 812% 813MESSAGE ACKNOWLEDGED -- The Pershing II missiles have been launched. 814% 815Message will arrive in the mail. Destroy, before the FBI sees it. 816% 817Mickey Mouse wears a Spiro Agnew watch. 818% 819Minnie Mouse is a slow maze learner. 820% 821Misery loves company, but company does not reciprocate. 822% 823Mistakes are often the stepping stones to utter failure. 824% 825Modern man is the missing link between apes and human beings. 826% 827Monday is an awful way to spend one seventh of your life. 828% 829Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. 830% 831Money is the root of all evil, and man needs roots 832% 833Money is the root of all wealth. 834% 835Mother is the invention of necessity. 836% 837Mother told me to be good, but she's been wrong before. 838% 839My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right. 840% 841"My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies" 842% 843Necessity is a mother. 844% 845Never be led astray onto the path of virtue. 846% 847Never call a man a fool. Borrow from him. 848% 849Never call a man a fool; borrow from him. 850% 851Never commit yourself! Let someone else commit you. 852% 853Never count your chickens before they rip your lips off 854% 855Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat. 856% 857Never let your schooling interfere with your education. 858% 859Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together. 860% 861Never settle with words what you can accomplish with a flame thrower. 862% 863Never tell a lie unless it is absolutely convenient. 864% 865"Never underestimate the power of a small tactical nuclear weapon." 866% 867New crypt. See /usr/news/crypt. 868% 869New systems generate new problems. 870% 871New York is real. The rest is done with mirrors. 872% 873Newton's Fourth Law: Every action has an equal and opposite satisfaction. 874% 875Nihilism should commence with oneself. 876% 877No man is an island, but some of us are long peninsulas. 878% 879"No one gets too old to learn a new way of being stupid." 880% 881No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it. 882% 883No problem is so large it can't be fit in somewhere. 884% 885NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION 886% 887Nobody said computers were going to be polite. 888% 889Non-sequiturs make me eat lampshades. 890% 891Nondeterminism means never having to say you are wrong. 892% 893"Nondeterminism means never having to say you are wrong." 894% 895Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. 896% 897Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing. 898% 899Nothing cures insomnia like the realization that it's time to get up. 900% 901Now and then an innocent person is sent to the legislature. 902% 903(null cookie; hope that's ok) 904% 905Of course there's no reason for it, it's just our policy. 906% 907Oh Dad! We're ALL Devo! 908% 909Oh, well, I guess this is just going to be one of those lifetimes. 910% 911Oh, wow! Look at the moon! 912% 913OK, so you're a Ph.D. Just don't touch anything. 914% 915Old programmers never die. They just branch to a new address. 916% 917Old soldiers never die. Young ones do. 918% 919One can't proceed from the informal to the formal by formal means. 920% 921One man's theology is another man's belly laugh. 922% 923One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people. 924% 925"One planet is all you get." 926% 927One seldom sees a monument to a committee. 928% 929One way to stop a runaway horse is to bet on him. 930% 931Only adults have difficulty with childproof caps. 932% 933Only God can make random selections. 934% 935Only through hard work and perseverance can one truly suffer. 936% 937Optimization hinders evolution. 938% 939Optimization hinders evolution. 940% 941Overdrawn? But I still have checks left! 942% 943Overflow on /dev/null, please empty the bit bucket. 944% 945Overload -- core meltdown sequence initiated. 946% 947panic: can't find / 948% 949panic: kernel trap (ignored) 950% 951Parallel lines never meet, unless you bend one or both of them. 952% 953Paranoia is simply an optimistic outlook on life. 954% 955Paranoid schizophrenics outnumber their enemies at least two to one. 956% 957Pardon this fortune. Database under reconstruction. 958% 959Parts that positively cannot be assembled in improper order will be. 960% 961Paul Revere was a tattle-tale 962% 963People usually get what's coming to them ... unless it's been mailed. 964% 965People will buy anything that's one to a customer. 966% 967Perfect day for scrubbing the floor and other exciting things. 968% 969Personifiers Unite! You have nothing to lose but Mr. Dignity! 970% 971Philogyny recapitulates erogeny; erogeny recapitulates philogyny. 972% 973Pick another fortune cookie. 974% 975Please ignore previous fortune. 976% 977Please take note: 978% 979Please, won't somebody tell me what diddie-wa-diddie means? 980% 981Polymer physicists are into chains. 982% 983Pound for pound, the amoeba is the most vicious animal on earth. 984% 985Power corrupts. And atomic power corrupts atomically. 986% 987Predestination was doomed from the start. 988% 989Pretend to spank me -- I'm a pseudo-masochist! 990% 991Pro is to con as progress is to Congress. 992% 993Pure drivel tends to drive ordinary drivel off of the TV screen. 994% 995Pure drivel tends to drive ordinary drivel off the TV screen. 996% 997Pushing 40 is exercise enough. 998% 999Put no trust in cryptic comments. 1000% 1001Quick!! Act as if nothing has happened! 1002% 1003Quick, sing me the BUDAPEST NATIONAL ANTHEM!! 1004% 1005"Qvid me anxivs svm?" 1006% 1007Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives. 1008% 1009Real Programmers think better when playing Adventure or Rogue. 1010% 1011Real Users hate Real Programmers. 1012% 1013Real Users know your home telephone number. 1014% 1015Real Users never use the Help key. 1016% 1017Reality is a cop-out for people who can't handle drugs. 1018% 1019Reality is an obstacle to hallucination. 1020% 1021Reality is for people who lack imagination. 1022% 1023Reality is for those who can't face Science Fiction. 1024% 1025"Really ?? What a coincidence, I'm shallow too!!" 1026% 1027Remember, even if you win the rat race -- you're still a rat. 1028% 1029Remember, UNIX spelled backwards is XINU. 1030% 1031Sauron is alive in Argentina! 1032% 1033Save energy: be apathetic. 1034% 1035Save the Whales -- Harpoon a Honda. 1036% 1037Save the whales. Collect the whole set. 1038% 1039Schizophrenia beats being alone. 1040% 1041Science is what happens when preconception meets verification. 1042% 1043Screw up your courage! You've screwed up everything else. 1044% 1045Security check: **INTRUDER ALERT!** 1046% 1047"See - the thing is - I'm an absolutist. I mean, kind of ... in a way ..." 1048% 1049Serenity through viciousness. 1050% 1051Serving coffee on aircraft causes turbulence. 1052% 1053She's genuinely bogus. 1054% 1055Show respect for age. Drink good Scotch for a change. 1056% 1057Slowly and surely the unix crept up on the Nintendo user ... 1058% 1059Some don't prefer the pursuit of happiness to the happiness of pursuit. 1060% 1061Some people live life in the fast lane. You're in oncoming traffic. 1062% 1063Someone will try to honk your nose today. 1064% 1065Somewhere, just out of sight, the unicorns are gathering. 1066% 1067Sorry, no fortune this time. 1068% 1069Sorry. I forget what I was going to say. 1070% 1071Speak softly and carry a +6 two-handed sword. 1072% 1073"Speed is subsittute fo accurancy." 1074% 1075Spelling is a lossed art. 1076% 1077Spend extra time on hobby. Get plenty of rolling papers. 1078% 1079Stay away from flying saucers today. 1080% 1081Stay away from hurricanes for a while. 1082% 1083"Stealing a rhinoceros should not be attempted lightly." 1084% 1085Stop searching. Happiness is right next to you. 1086% 1087Stupidity got us into this mess -- why can't it get us out? 1088% 1089Succumb to natural tendencies. Be hateful and boring. 1090% 1091Support bacteria -- it's the only culture some people have! 1092% 1093Support wildlife -- vote for an orgy. 1094% 1095Support your local police force -- steal!! 1096% 1097Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost. 1098% 1099Sure he's sharp as a razor ... he's a two-dimensional pinhead! 1100% 1101Surprise due today. Also the rent. 1102% 1103Surprise your boss. Get to work on time. 1104% 1105Take everything in stride. Trample anyone who gets in your way. 1106% 1107Take it easy, we're in a hurry. 1108% 1109Teamwork is essential -- it allows you to blame someone else. 1110% 1111Test-tube babies shouldn't throw stones. 1112% 1113Texas law forbids anyone to have a pair of pliers in his possession. 1114% 1115"That must be wonderful! I don't understand it at all." 1116% 1117That secret you've been guarding, isn't. 1118% 1119The 80's -- when you can't tell hairstyles from chemotherapy. 1120% 1121The average income of the modern teenager is about 2 a.m. 1122% 1123The best defense against logic is ignorance. 1124% 1125The best thing about growing older is that it takes such a long time. 1126% 1127The bigger the theory the better. 1128% 1129"The bland leadeth the bland and they both shall fall into the kitsch." 1130% 1131The bogosity meter just pegged. 1132% 1133The chief cause of problems is solutions. 1134% 1135"The Computer made me do it." 1136% 1137The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity. 1138% 1139The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life. 1140% 1141The debate rages on: Is PL/I Bachtrian or Dromedary? 1142% 1143The devil finds work for idle circuits to do. 1144% 1145The earth is like a tiny grain of sand, only much, much heavier. 1146% 1147The gentlemen looked one another over with microscopic carelessness. 1148% 1149The Killer Ducks are coming!!! 1150% 1151The light at the end of the tunnel may be an oncoming dragon. 1152% 1153The meek shall inherit the earth -- they are too weak to refuse. 1154% 1155The moon is a planet just like the Earth, only it is even deader. 1156% 1157The moon may be smaller than Earth, but it's further away. 1158% 1159The more things change, the more they stay insane. 1160% 1161The moving cursor writes, and having written, blinks on. 1162% 1163... the MYSTERIANS are in here with my CORDUROY SOAP DISH!! 1164% 1165The older a man gets, the farther he had to walk to school as a boy. 1166% 1167The only really decent thing to do behind a person's back is pat it. 1168% 1169The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. 1170% 1171The reason computer chips are so small is computers don't eat much. 1172% 1173The revolution will not be televised. 1174% 1175"The Schizophrenic: An Unauthorized Autobiography" 1176% 1177The sheep that fly over your head are soon to land. 1178% 1179"The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up!" 1180% 1181The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears. 1182% 1183The state law of Pennsylvania prohibits singing in the bathtub. 1184% 1185The sum of the Universe is zero. 1186% 1187The trouble with being poor is that it takes up all your time. 1188% 1189The wages of sin are high but you get your money's worth. 1190% 1191The world is coming to an end ... SAVE YOUR BUFFERS!!! 1192% 1193The world is coming to an end! Repent and return those library books! 1194% 1195The world is coming to an end. Please log off. 1196% 1197There *is* intelligent life on Earth, but I leave for Texas on Monday. 1198% 1199There are no games on this system. 1200% 1201There is a green, multi-legged creature crawling on your shoulder. 1202% 1203There is no such thing as fortune. Try again. 1204% 1205There is no time like the pleasant. 1206% 1207There's an old proverb that says just about whatever you want it to. 1208% 1209There's no future in time travel 1210% 1211There's no room in the drug world for amateurs. 1212% 1213They also surf who only stand on waves. 1214% 1215"They told me I was gullible ... and I believed them!" 1216% 1217They're only trying to make me LOOK paranoid! 1218% 1219Things are more like they used to be than they are now. 1220% 1221Things will be bright in P.M. A cop will shine a light in your face. 1222% 1223Think big. Pollute the Mississippi. 1224% 1225Think honk if you're a telepath. 1226% 1227Think of it! With VLSI we can pack 100 ENIACs in 1 sq. cm.! 1228% 1229Think twice before speaking, but don't say "think think click click". 1230% 1231This Fortue Examined By INSPECTOR NO. 2-14 1232% 1233This fortune intentionally not included. 1234% 1235This fortune is false. 1236% 1237This fortune is inoperative. Please try another. 1238% 1239This is an unauthorized cybernetic announcement. 1240% 1241This is National Non-Dairy Creamer Week. 1242% 1243This is the *LAST* time I take travel suggestions from Ray Bradbury! 1244% 1245This is your fortune. 1246% 1247This login session: $13.99, but for you $11.88 1248% 1249Those who can't write, write manuals. 1250% 1251Those who can, do. Those who can't, simulate. 1252% 1253Those who in quarrels interpose, must often wipe a bloody nose. 1254% 1255Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana. 1256% 1257To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it. 1258% 1259To err is human, to forgive is Not Company Policy. 1260% 1261"To err is human, to forgive, beyond the scope of the Operating System" 1262% 1263To err is human, to moo bovine. 1264% 1265To iterate is human, to recurse, divine. 1266% 1267To the best of my recollection, Senator, I can't recall. 1268% 1269"To vacillate or not to vacillate, that is the question ... or is it?" 1270% 1271Today is a good day to bribe a high-ranking public official. 1272% 1273Today is National Existential Ennui Awareness Day. 1274% 1275Today is the first day of the rest of the mess 1276% 1277Today is the first day of the rest of your lossage. 1278% 1279Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday 1280% 1281Tomorrow will be canceled due to lack of interest. 1282% 1283Tonight's the night: Sleep in a eucalyptus tree. 1284% 1285Travel important today; Internal Revenue men arrive tomorrow. 1286% 1287Truth will be out this morning. (Which may really mess things up.) 1288% 1289Try to get all of your posthumous medals in advance. 1290% 1291Trying to establish voice contact ... please *yell* into keyboard. 1292% 1293Two percent of zero is almost nothing. 1294% 1295Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do. 1296% 1297UFO's are for real: the Air Force doesn't exist. 1298% 1299unix soit qui mal y pense 1300% 1301Usage: fortune -P [] -a [xsz] [Q: [file]] [rKe9] -v6[+] dataspec ... inputdir 1302% 1303Veni, Vidi, Visa. 1304% 1305Very few profundities can be expressed in less than 80 characters. 1306% 1307"Virtual" means never knowing where your next byte is coming from. 1308% 1309Virtue is its own punishment. 1310% 1311Vitamin C deficiency is apauling 1312% 1313VMS is like a nightmare about RXS-11M. 1314% 1315Vote anarchist 1316% 1317VYARZERZOMANIMORORSEZASSEZANSERAREORSES? 1318% 1319Walk softly and carry a megawatt laser. 1320% 1321War is peace. Freedom is slavery. Ketchup is a vegetable. 1322% 1323Warp 7 -- It's a law we can live with. 1324% 1325Waste not, get your budget cut next year. 1326% 1327Wasting time is an important part of living. 1328% 1329We can defeat gravity. The problem is the paperwork involved. 1330% 1331We can predict everything, except the future. 1332% 1333"We don't care. We don't have to. We're the Phone Company." 1334% 1335"We'll cross out that bridge when we come back to it later." 1336% 1337What color is a chameleon on a mirror? 1338% 1339What does "it" mean in the sentence "What time is it?"? 1340% 1341What does it mean if there is no fortune for you? 1342% 1343What garlic is to food, insanity is to art. 1344% 1345What garlic is to salad, insanity is to art. 1346% 1347What I tell you three times is true. 1348% 1349What I want is all of the power and none of the responsibility. 1350% 1351What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking somebody to do. 1352% 1353What the large print giveth, the small print taketh away. 1354% 1355What the world *really* needs is a good Automatic Bicycle Sharpener. 1356% 1357What this country needs is a dime that will buy a good five-cent bagel. 1358% 1359What this country needs is a good five cent ANYTHING! 1360% 1361What this country needs is a good five cent microcomputer. 1362% 1363What this country needs is a good five cent nickel. 1364% 1365What this country needs is a good five dollar plasma weapon. 1366% 1367What this world needs is a good five-dollar plasma weapon. 1368% 1369What you don't know can hurt you, only you won't know it. 1370% 1371Whatever became of eternal truth? 1372% 1373When all other means of communication fail, try words. 1374% 1375When in doubt, do what the President does -- guess. 1376% 1377"When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut." 1378% 1379When you don't know what you are doing, do it neatly. 1380% 1381When you're not looking at it, this fortune is written in FORTRAN. 1382% 1383Where there's a will, there's an Inheritance Tax. 1384% 1385Which is worse: ignorance or apathy? Who knows? Who cares? 1386% 1387While having never invented a sin, I'm trying to perfect several. 1388% 1389Who messed with my anti-paranoia shot? 1390% 1391Who needs friends when you can sit alone in your room and drink? 1392% 1393Who's on first? 1394% 1395Whom computers would destroy, they must first drive mad. 1396% 1397Whom the gods wish to destroy they first call promising. 1398% 1399Why can't you be a non-conformist like everyone else? 1400% 1401Why do we have two eyes? To watch 3-D movies with. 1402% 1403Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song? 1404% 1405Without ice cream life and fame are meaningless. 1406% 1407Xerox does it again and again and again and ... 1408% 1409Xerox never comes up with anything original. 1410% 1411"Yeah, but you're taking the universe out of context." 1412% 1413Yes, but every time I try to see things your way, I get a headache. 1414% 1415Yes, but which self do you want to be? 1416% 1417You are a very redundant person, that's what kind of person you are. 1418% 1419You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely. 1420% 1421You are the only person to ever get this message. 1422% 1423You buttered your bread, now lie in it. 1424% 1425You can make it illegal, but you can't make it unpopular. 1426% 1427You can only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. 1428% 1429You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish. 1430% 1431You can't carve your way to success without cutting remarks. 1432% 1433You can't judge a book by the way it wears its hair. 1434% 1435"You can't make a program without broken egos." 1436% 1437You cannot achieve the impossible without attempting the absurd. 1438% 1439You cannot kill time without injuring eternity. 1440% 1441You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back. 1442% 1443You do not have mail. 1444% 1445You have a tendency to feel you are superior to most computers. 1446% 1447You have junk mail. 1448% 1449You know you've landed gear-up when it takes full power to taxi. 1450% 1451You look like a million dollars. All green and wrinkled. 1452% 1453You may be recognized soon. Hide. 1454% 1455You might have mail 1456% 1457You possess a mind not merely twisted, but actually sprained. 1458% 1459You think Oedipus had a problem -- Adam was Eve's mother. 1460% 1461You too can wear a nose mitten. 1462% 1463You will be a winner today. Pick a fight with a four-year-old. 1464% 1465You will be surprised by a loud noise. 1466% 1467You will be Told about it Tomorrow. Go Home and Prepare Thyself. 1468% 1469You will feel hungry again in another hour. 1470% 1471You will think of something funnier than this to add to the fortunes. 1472% 1473"You'll never be the man your mother was!" 1474% 1475You're at the end of the road again. 1476% 1477You're being followed. Cut out the hanky-panky for a few days. 1478% 1479You're not my type. For that matter, you're not even my species!!! 1480% 1481You've been leading a dog's life. Stay off the furniture. 1482% 1483Your fault: core dumped 1484% 1485Your life would be very empty if you had nothing to regret. 1486% 1487Your lucky color has faded. 1488% 1489Your lucky number has been disconnected. 1490% 1491Your lucky number is 3552664958674928. Watch for it everywhere. 1492% 1493Your true value depends entirely on what you are compared with. 1494% 1495YOW!! Everybody out of the GENETIC POOL!" 1496% 1497